I don't get why people still insist on wearing their masks improperly at this point. I feel like plastic surgery might help.
Now that she's home with me I'm brimming full of sunshine. She just so cute, cuddly, and sweet. She has her little toe beans pressing into my tummy as she naps. I'm so glad I adopted her. This was meant to be.
I used to walk around stores and malls, watch films in the movie theatre, sit in cafes drinking coffee and read or write for hours. I used to travel. I used to love the sauna, visit the gym and go to restaurants. I used to hang out at friends houses. Few if any of these things feel safe or wise to do anymore. My friends have moved away. I am left wondering what is fun in my life.
I went to a funeral. There was a non stop presentation of images overhead. The deceased persons travel images: cruises, beaches, drinks in hand, cruises, beaches, more drinks in hand. It made me think about what I want to show at my own funeral. And I don’t want my travel pictures showing in an endless loop. It looked utterly self indulgent and meaningless. We’re here for a short short time. Are we just here to feel good, masturbate, watch life drift by? I want my life to have more meaning. How did I serve the community, how did I care for things, did I make any changes for the greater good. What sacrifices I made for someone else. Did I care about and do anything about others well being. I never had these thoughts before of what my legacy may be. But vacation pictures are not how I want to be remembered by. Strange as it may sound, I don’t want to be remembered for living a life of pleasure.
Simply because it's so fucking stupid lol
I guess it’s too much to ask that people treat each other with a modicum of respect or compassion. After several years of being single after being with a super toxic and abusive woman, I put myself out there online. I was hesitant, I have not had the best of luck with women in this city, but out of loneliness I tried. I wish I had not. I know it’s harder for men online. I know there are reasons for that. But I have super LOW expectations and I’m still shocked at how shitty people can be. I’m not even looking for sex. I would just like to meet good and honest people. But maybe they don’t exist here. I don’t know anymore. About anything.
you will never escape your class. you might make more money and dress well now. you might have a nice home. you might have great taste. and the people around you as you move up don't reflect that, not everyone moves up. most are born and remain in the same position and if you change, you might disgrace the class you're from if you so choose to. i remember my mom stopped by my work to say hi to me, my boss didn't say hi to her even though i introduced her to my coworkers. my mom looks worn out and speaks accented english, in a graphic tee and skinny jeans and sneakers that don't match, with a wire cart for groceries. that was one of the last straws that had me leave that shop. it didn't pay much but the owners didn't have to make much, they have their families behind them.
it's stuff like that that makes me lose respect instantly. i have a lot of empathy, for rage, for irresponsibility, for flakiness, for the misuse of hurtful words, for ignorance, for alcoholism, for all our flaws, but that sort of behaviour isn't problematic. it's hatred. i've experienced this a lot, my father gets a lot of looks for having one leg. my step-father for being black. i've seen that look from people many times in my life and it fills me with disgust. people look at me now and assume that i must come from some traditional family, middle class at least. if i model or if i own the places i've just been working for. i give off a distinguished impression that wasn't intentional, with a clear voice and tasteful clothes that exude confidence, spare the tee shirts (sometimes). but my family is where i come from and if you can't accept that, you will not have anything to do with me. if asked for my honest opinion, i'll speak of how you looked at my mother. because that's all anyone needs to know to understand who you really are.
Today is my last day in retail. After many years off and on, this is it. Next week I move to the island for a job more in line with my interests and education. I’m so freaking excited to never serve shorty customers again. Some of you out there need to take a hard look at yourselves and how you treat people. All the eye rolling, passive aggressive “sigh” and what not. We don’t care. You are not special or important because you buy things. lol
I confess that for years I would nod politely as my bf would tell me the same stories over and over about his former days as a nightclub bouncer. Meanwhile I’d want to scream NOT AGAIN as he’d talk about one fight after another. So many years and no new stories! I’m with someone new now, and I just realized that I don’t have to nod politely anymore, because he’s genuinely interesting and isn’t always trying to impress me with his physical prowess. Progress!
I've left my house probably 10 times in the last 30 days and when I went out today I made a faux pas. I forgot about the rules I'm supposed to be bound by and went over the "line" they had there. I was just happy to talk to another human being at that moment. I don't dress trashy to signify I'm a bum. Some people are still way too scared.