Often I wonder why life is so hard. I get bullied by the man in the top of the hierarchy. I feel preyed upon when exposed to men I don’t know. Things of value get stolen from me by others who are looking for an easy win. I then watch animal documentaries; the kind made by Nat Geo. And they’re comforting; the human world is just as brutal and competitive as the red animal world. Opposing groups fight to the death in the animal kingdom over resources, mates, habitats. Power is clung onto because it can easily slip away. When my complete prick of a boss insults me, or play mind games, it’s because he is trying to squash down threats to his world. Like me joining alliances with another company, the animal kingdom struggles are so universal.
Leaving a bad job. Told to train new person. They are nice, but unqualified after having this job myself knowing how demanding it is. I’m teaching them basics. I’m sure they are paid low, perhaps half of my salary. The company will save money, yes. But they won’t be able to get any work done with a Jr. it feels weird to teach someone your years of experience. My years have been hard fought, skills learned because I enjoy this area. Teaching someone so green, who hasn’t had the interest to learn the basics, seems like a waste of time. I now realize my worth. When something comes so quickly and easy to you, that’s what employers should pay for, the breadth of your skills.
I loathe things arriving way too early, so that companies try and squeeze as much revenue out of a trend: pumpkin spice lattes launched in August when we’re still going to the beach, Halloween candy available before Labour Day, and now mentions of “the holidays” when we haven’t even passed Thanksgiving OR Halloween. Sheesh. Pushed to consume and spend when it’s nowhere near the correct season. Treating people like were too dumb to notice.
I now believe dreams are but another realm to our conscienceness that truly exits but not always remembered.
I had this dream that I was taking cookies out of the oven and my wrist touched the rack pulling the pan out and I felt the burn. It woke me up and I really thought I had burned myself for a brief second. I even said Ow upon waking up.
Have you ever seen a person who was such an impressive human specimen that you couldn’t believe it? I’m not talking about that you felt attracted to them, but just that you had to acknowledge the physical perfection? I was sitting in traffic today and this woman walked across the street looking like she stepped out of a high fashion magazine. Absolutely stunning in every aspect. I’m a straight woman but I blurted out holy shit when I saw her lol. I wonder what that’s like to go through life looking like you were created by AI?
I saw a Nun today. I wasn’t expecting that. To be honest I thought they were going extinct. Maybe they’ve finally infiltrated my Baeder Meinhoff mental filter. I’ve been wondering about luxury lately, status fool trinkets that seemingly raise a person. Expensive lifestyles that fail to sustain. A confidence game, like raising in a poker game. I’ve been questioning myself if I consider that enjoyable. I’m not convinced it’s a game I want to play. Learning to meditate is slow going. I wonder about a place of inner peace that elicits joy.
I'm not actually crying. I actually don't have an open, lower punctum in my left eye. After a severe infection years ago, it just closed. So most of my tears in that eye drain over my lower eyelid. It's a bit annoying, especially on windy days, but it's not worth the surgery. If you see someone that looks like they're crying only out of one eye, that's probably me.
My bf and I are in my early 20’s. He is mostly very sweet and good to me. He has always been really into video games as are his friends. They play shooters like COD. Anyway, i noticed he was acting weird sometimes with his phone. Like kind of hiding it. It didn’t bother me but one time i picked it up for him when he got a notification. He grabbed it so fast he almost hurt me. I asked him what the fuck? But he said he just wants privacy so i let it go. The other night he was passed out and he got another notification. I couldn’t help myself and looked at his messages. I know his password. I was horrified. He and his friends were passing around pictures of my younger sister. She is 16 and very pretty. He must have taken pics when were at the beach. Whats worse is the language they were using, so derogatory and disgusting. They were making literal rape jokes. About a 16 yo. I threw the phone at his head and screamed at him get out. He woke up confused but soon realized. He then got really really angry and started yelling how “it was just a joke!” I insisted he leave or I would call the cops. He left cursing and saying horrible things. I am considering telling his parents and his boss. My sister is underage and it just kills me that he would talk like that with loser gamer friends. Im just so shattered. What the fuck!
I want to quit my job SO much. If I wasn’t so desperate for that paycheque I’d do it tomorrow. I’m sick of working for someone who shows so little integrity. Someone who constantly changes his mind about everything. He says he’s going to do something and then he claims he never said it. There’s almost no one left working here anymore, and at the rate he’s going he’s going to lose me and the rest of his clients too. He thinks he can just do everything on his own, but I’m the one who is left trying to do a good job with no support. I’m so depressed and feel completely hopeless.
Not gonna lie…I never liked pumpkin spice lattes. In fact, I hate them. Starbucks has not existed on my list of viable places in quite a while. I prefer independent coffee shops.