I've been going thru the Confessions starting from the beginning - Feb '11. (a few months later was the last time I saw him) I'm not reading all of them, skim most of them... just read the interesting and/or the funny ones.
Now up to 2017.
See the ones that were to him and the ones that could of been from him.... some i hope are, some i don't.
But there was one, that i haven't seen since that year, that really seemed like it could have been from him because it mentioned things that only he could have known along with his incorrect, although understandable, assumptions. What was the punch was learning that certain mutual aquaintances had been apparently (either innocently or not) suggesting stuff that was way off track.
A friend asked why i would care about someone who would believe lies, but i understand why he would want to believe that.
Choosing to believe that the other person is a bad person is easier than acknowledging that things didn't happen because of a lack of communication.
I could have told him how i felt, sure. But logic seemed that - why would he want to be with somene who's only attractive on the inside when he could be with someone who's both inside and out (like him)?
He probably thought i was contacting him to try for a 2nd chance, but if i didn't think i was worthy back then, i sure af am not going to think i'm worthy now. Plus even if i was worthy, i'm not into trying for another woman's man.
It probably wouldn't have lasted (most older woman/younger guy relationships don't) but it would have been fuckin fun.
My hair blows in the wind now....I don't like it
Everything in my life is being exposed as either something worth living with or something from which it’s time to move on. Situations, habits, job, people, distractions. Am weighing them all and determining what I can live with going forward. Anything that doesn’t serve me in any way gets the cut.
I see that I’m extra sensitive these days.
A bird just suicide flew into my window on the 12th floor. I fuckin cried because he was so beautiful with his little yellow belly and just lay dead on my balcony :( I didn’t know what to do so my bf has to bag him up and I gave him his burial.
the increasing daily shagginess of our PM when he does his COVID-19 updates.
I'd love to see him just do full biker mode and let the beard and hair grow out until there's a vaccine.
So I was riding my bike along 10th Ave the other day. I noticed a sign in an upper window that read “I miss human touch”. I assume it meant due to the virus. I’m fifty seven and haven’t had any human touch since my late forties. What an empty lonely feeling realizing COVID 19 is going to make it even more difficult to meet someone.
Saw beauty & hope in the world today.
sunshine,music,dogs & humanity.
Today felt good energy.
So proud that these big groups remained peaceful. A little concerned that masks and social distancing went out the window.
Over 2 years, I lost 9 friends to suicides and od's. This was 2016-2018. I have lost a few more, and during covid every family member I know has lost someone they were close with. mine was a heart attack of someone under 40. acute pancreatic cancer was another. stroke was another. od was the other.
there's no point to this ramble. there is no soap box. there is no nothing. life is pain. but life goes on. it's all it can do.
If anyone asked me what’s one good thing that’s come out of Covid-19, I’d say it’s the fact that public transit is not as crowded as it was before. At least I can find a seat and my rides home are much shorter. Enjoy the spacious atmosphere while you can before everything goes back to normal, which by the way I mean being congested like sardines in a tin can.