Confessions

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I think

the world will end soon. And even though I’ve been fairly well off, I’m glad. Time to move on from this cess pool of debauchery !!

I'm exhausted

of the city. Of its shrouding busy lights where you cannot make out a thing with your weary eyes. People on relentless insatiable chases that leaves close ones in the dust. The pandemic, too, but it only exaggerated what was already there. I'd like to go somewhere small. A quiet place with birds by a body of water. Bonfires under the bone moon. Those who aren't coming to leave. People often say that you'll miss the city, but after some months in a quaint town last year, I'm not sure if I will.

Look

I am hideous and old and absolutely no one would want me. Ok I get it ! Move on with your life ! I'm ok with that ! I love me for me !

Rainy day observations

I love the idea of warm chocolate chip cookies on a rainy day with some milk by the window or hot chocolate. It gives off that calming vibe when all you do is think and gaze as life drops you buy those morning dew drops.

What difference does it make?

Why is suicide treated with such shame, silence and stigma? I have no one. No. One. Not even a cat or dog. No one will notice if I disappear. I'm just so very tired. Too exhausted to carry on

Hollow day

A few of us at my work dressed up for Halloween because we still wanted to get into the spirit. But not very many. The majority of people at work didn’t bother dressing up this year. Maybe it’s Covid. I can’t even think of a better answer than that but Covid has taken the spirit out of this once fun holiday.

Before my time is up

I would like to win a lotto jackpot just once. It doesn't have to be in the tens of millions. Just enough to buy a decent home here.

Self involved

I’m self involved. I rarely call or text anyone these days. It was always me taking the initiative which got really tiring because friendship is a two-way street. It felt exhausting to have to make the effort so I’m just taking a break right now. No, I don’t want to blame it on Covid or anything because I’m tired of using Covid as an excuse. It’s hard to explain… I find that the more I age, the less enthused I become. I don’t even have time or energy to get out there and try making new friends. I think I will just embrace my solitude and let nature take its course.

Nip it in the bud

I’m tired of talking about my ex girlfriend. I don’t want to talk about her anymore. After we broke up, I’d look back and try to make humour out of that bad situation I was in. Maybe it’s funny the first time, but eventually it gets old. It gets boring, exhausting and downright depressing so I’m simply too tired to take anymore trips down memory lane. There’s no logic in wasting time with the past. It’s long gone. It’s been almost a year now and time to close the book.

I love my ensuite.

Nothing special, no heated marble tile floors, no fancy steam shower, double sinks or automated toilet. Just forty square feet of simplicity and solitude. Small south facing window which allows me some fresh air or to enjoy the natural light. Central heat and air conditioning. Large vanity mirror and dimmable lighting. Far enough away from the main living spaces so most of the time all I hear is the occasional car or dog barking. What could be better?

I SAW YOU

Outside the Back and Fourth

We had met outside of the bar and you approached and we started talking. You introduced yourself...

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