My fiend received a bit of good news the other day that his stocks went up. He had like a 3K share investment in a small bottled water company for a long time that never really went anywhere and now his 3K is worth 11K overnight. If a company like Coke buys them out he could end up with millions. I've never tried or learned how to do anything on the stock market but I think I'd like to try buying some shares of something but not spend too much.

I professionally translate/adapt dialogue for plays, movie scripts, TV shows and the like from X language into English. I confess that whenever I get to the argument bits, I always pepper the text with witty one liners and fleeting expletives from (in some cases, decades' old) fights between me and all my exes, and from bitter-turned-comical spats my mum and dad used to get in. My late gutter-tongued aunt also is a source of inspiration when words fail me. I do so largely for the sake of flow, authenticity, and naturality when the context calls for it. And trust me, the material is as juicy and colourful as one can get, not to mention seemingly bottomless. Makes for fantastic therapy. :-)

Yesterday, I thought about someone I was once very much interested in. He misses me. He dreams of having me back. It's odd to be that person, the one who "got away" that they regret losing. They revealed to be selfish & awful, giving mixed signals unnecessarily. They showed interest a lot, but then got unpleasant when the interest was reciprocated. They weren't single, either. I shouldn't have made excuses for them in the quest to be empathetic. I believe in being straight forward: if you're unhappy in your current relationship, then you talk about it to either make it work or you end it, not look for what you're missing in someone else while keeping the relationship going. If you're interested in someone, own it, admit it, show it. I don't see the joy or value in social game playing. It doesn't do anyone any favors. It only caused heartache in this case. For what, to kill boredom? They were bored so they invited/lured/seduced/charmed someone else into their life & wasted their time to make up for poor life choices because they lacked self-awareness or honesty? Now, years later, I'm glad I chose to walk away from them. In the end, I realized how I deserved better. I am single & I'm much happier. I think we teach some pretty crappy values & behaviours in society. I fail to see the value of getting involved with people intimately when dysfunction & complications are the norm. We have taught, encouraged, reinforced, & rewarded the wrong behaviours & I choose to stop supporting these & the people who feed that kind of life. I can excuse this from someone really young due to inexperience, not from a middle-aged educated professional with the knowledge of the world to encourage self-development a mere Google search or a click away. Distance does not make problems go away. Instead it allows the hurt to grow stronger. It makes the people we do wrong by go away. I don't want him or anyone like him ever. He blew it, especially by playing games and through inaction. I learned my worth by knowing boundaries that I learned to maintain. As I said: I am single & I'm much happier so I thank him for the experience as I thank him for doing all he did to spare me from being with him. I am very fortunate, indeed.

I want a relationship but it never ends up there. It just ends up being sex and not much else. I would like to have a relationship that's more then sex. Its like you bounce from one woman to another. Its always "We're just hanging out". So we're never dating but we have sex 2 or 3 times a week. I don't understand why I am not bf material. I am not a #$#$# boy.

I have a cousin that lives in Ontario. There’s been this rumour going around in the family that he’s gay. His parents aren’t the type to discuss these things since they’re from the old school. It seems like they might be having a hard time trying to accept it. I don’t expect it to happen, but if let’s say there comes a time where they decide to open up and confide in me, I would just tell them that no matter what happens he will always be their son and it’s important to let him follow his own path. All that matters is that he has a good sense of himself and is living a happy, healthy life.

We used to be friends. I remember the good old days when you were happier and kinder, now you’ve changed clearly. But not for the better. You’ve become a completely different person. You seem spiteful, cynical, and just downright mean. What happened? Where did we lose connection? We were friends. You never used to be like this. Where did we lose each other. Did it just slip away? Did something happen in your life that caused you to behave the way you do? Is there something about you that maybe I should know about? How can I help you? I wish you would just tell me what’s bothering you so that we could put an end to all this. I’m tired of fighting and I don’t want to fight anymore. There’s no need. Just tell me what’s wrong and maybe I can try to help you, even if it’s slightest bit.

Two options: Do I take Door 1 - job I have no honest interest in for a 40% pay cut or what I was making 20 years ago. Or Do I take Door 2 - status quo unemployment and build business with partner who is super eager to launch? It seems like a betrayal to myself to rewind my salary gains 2 decades back. Advocating for more. It’s 2024 with killer inflation after all. If I do #1 I’ll just end up quitting anyway rite?

I’ve spent less and less time with my friend. The last 4 years, she moves out of Vancouver for 4-12 months at a time living elsewhere. There’s no contact when she’s out of town and I get on with my life and get closer to other friends. Then a week before she comes back, she texts me “Hey I’m coming back!” But we have no glue and I’m not in any rush to see her. She’ll be here for a bit, and then it’s the same thing from her: “Leaving soon, we should catch up before I go!” She knows so little of my day to day. And if I text her, she’ll return a text 3WEEKS later. What does one do with a person like this?

I confess that I haven’t blocked their number because I’m waiting to see if they ever send me something real. So far it’s just a lot of casual nonsense stuff so there’s nothing for me to say. I know the chances are slim that they will finally get it, but I’d hate to block them only to find out later that they sent something I’d really want to hear.

I had a variation on my recurring dreams last night. I think of them as familiar places that have unexpectedly changed dreams. Often, the dreams are almost identical, sometimes, only the situation is similar. I am most often on my bicycle, but sometimes on foot, and very seldom by car. I start off riding in a safe area which I know well, and that I clearly recognize. Then, I make the same wrong turn, or a similar wrong turn, or the road has changed, and I end up in known area that I know to be dangerous, like very dangerous neighbourhoods in New York City, where I grew up. Sometimes, I am only at one of the confusing three-way intersections in a place like Victoria and always seem to pick the wrong way. Sometimes the wrong way leads me to a longer wronger way, although I had a feeling I was on the right road or direction. Last night, I went through what seemed to be an empty/vacant house and came across a young mother lying in bed with two boys so close in age that they might have been twins, but were not twins. She was not nursing them, but they were laying on her chest and she was holding them and the boys were sleeping. They all had black hair. The woman was not undressed, but was wearing a loosely fitted but not revealing white blouse. Then I thought I found the right way but there had been construction and I could not proceed and I was unsure whether it had actually been the right way. I never have any bicycle problems in the dream. It is always daytime, although sometimes close to the end of the day. I never find my way home. I don’t wake terrified, but unsettled.