Why does it take so long for some people to understand that they need to change and grow? Sometimes a person has to completely lose the one person they thought was a sure thing before they get it. My friend carried on for so long believing that he could just go back whenever he wanted to and start up like the years in between hadn’t happened. I’m watching him fall apart now because he waited too long and now that person has learned to live just fine without him and didn’t tolerate that same behaviour. It’s hard to watch but it’s a lesson he needed to learn.

To make ends meet, I’ve stopped going out. Basically, I just buy food now. That’s it. Buy groceries. Work. Buy groceries. Work. I checked out a local new pub that is opening and saw on their menu that Fries are $12. FRIES! Burgers $21. Plus tax plus tip, a basic burger and fries at this pub is close to $45. It used to be fun going out but now it’s fraught with financial consequences for me. I’ve declined social invites. $80 for a few hours at happy hour is not very happy. I miss the hood old days where you could roll in with friends and have a great time without worry. Traveling is the same: hostel private room is $100. Yes I could do the shared dorm but worry about safety and theft. So…. Buying groceries and staying at home for the foreseeable future.

To get rid of my work-stress related tight shoulders, I saw my masseuse and she helped my discomfort. On my way out, I saw a very exhausted-looking, worn-down middle aged man, eyes closed, with his feet in a warm bath. He was just about to get a foot massage. He looked like he was working a physical job like warehouse or construction. I am an office worker but in a toxic work environment where I can’t sleep at night. We are 2 very different people. But we are workers. It made me realize how us working class people are put through the meat grinder at work, every day, to bring in paycheques to pay for our endless bills: food, rent, mortgage, gas, fees, etc. We rely on support services like massage and therapy just to get through the daily grind of the rat race for survival. Used and ground down to the bone, to make money for others. I have no answers but when I saw that man, I saw myself too, and felt really frustrated that this work life is not all that enjoyable and wondered what is the point of being in shitty jobs.

I have been hearing a lot lately about how people bought houses in the last couple of years with variable rate mortgages and are now hurting with the interest rates going up. Everyone is yelling at the Bank of Canada and the government to stop raising rates. Yes it sucks but that's how interest rates work. The fact that the Bank of Canada rate has been at 1% or lower for the last 12 years is unprecedented, guess what, bank rates go up eventually. Hell, I'm old enough to remember when rates hit 20%, my parents (and a lot of other people) ended up foreclosing on their mortgage. That's why I have never seen housing as a very good investment. I feel bad for people who wanted a place to raise their families or got too caught up in FOMOism during covid. But to all those folks who decided to mortgage their property to buy more properties so they could flip their investments, I can't say I'm feeling your pain too much. Me? Bad credit stopped me from buying in in the 90s and early 2000s and not making enough money stopped me from buying later on. Luckily I do not rent from an investment property owner who is probably desperately trying to figure out how to have me evicted so they can jack the rent for the next person or turn it into an Airbnb to meet the rising mortgage/property tax rates. Real Estate is a mess in this country and it's about to get a whole lot messier.

I don't like being run into or squished or sat on or stepped on. I prefer to navigate through space safely and efficiently, as I hope all citizens do. But, not being aware and respectful of other people in public space seems to be a trending phenomenon. Have we become a society of rude people? Do we need etiquette police? I just don't understand this.

If someone you love/have a huge crush on ups and dumps you for whatever reason... It may sting like a bitch now, but several years down the road, when you find yourself either with the person of your dreams and/or doing wonderful things off somewhere, you'll say to yourself: "good riddance, thank god things didn't fall through with that ex!" Trust me, it's one of the most empowering eureka moments one can have. All break ups, whether we want to believe it or not, are caused by BOTH parties. Learn to accept that you're just as flawed as the other, learn from that, and just move on. New doors always, always open, if you're eyes are open to seeing them, that is.

So many of our personal opinions are based on what our family traditions taught us. Like we grow up doing things a certain way, or our parents did so and so and thought such and such, so that’s how things must be done. People judging others because they do things differently mostly comes down to these ingrained beliefs I think. We all do this to a certain extent, but it’s important to at least be aware of this bias we have because of it, and be open to other ways of thinking. I tried to get my former partner to understand that different doesn’t mean wrong, but he couldn’t grasp that concept. His whole family was the same way. They all think they’re better than everyone else and that their way of doing things is the “right” way, so if you don’t do what they do you have to be taught. They’re completely incapable of self awareness, every one of them. It’s as if they’re encased in a bubble of self-righteous ignorance, making reason impossible. I finally stopped trying to explain or justify how I felt or how I did things, because if I didn’t fall into line with their beliefs, obviously I had to be wrong. The patronizing attitude was insufferable. An entire family of narcissists.

There are so many things that I should be doing, I should be accomplishing, ways I can be helping, ways I can be of service to others, ways I can demonstrate kindness and helpfulness. And I get overwhelmed. So I procrastinate. And the procrastination makes me feel even more overwhelmed. So I procrastinate. And time marches on.

I am mellow and I apologize a lot. I have mittens and like the snow. When I see our elected officials picking fights with everyone in Canada, online and around the world I don't get it. These aren't Canadian values. They don't represent anybody I know. Canadians I know are sweet, loving people who say sorry.

I hate the students. Annoying!