Confessions

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Planning my exodus

I’m giving serious thought to quitting my job. I work in municipal government but won’t say which city. It was fine when I first got hired two years ago. I was excited and things were ok. But lately I haven’t been getting enough hours and honestly I cannot live off auxiliary work. What’s actually happening behind the scenes is blatant favouritism because unless if you’re a favourite among managers and supervisors, there’s no room for growth and development. You’re pretty much stuck at the bottom of the barrel. Right now I’m looking for something more steady and when that opportunity comes along, I’m going to give in my resignation and move on. Had enough of trying to weave through layers of bureaucracy and all this redtape bullshit. Wish me luck! Really hope to find another place where people are actually normal and will treat me with the utmost respect. Just trying to do whatever it takes to save myself.

Not listening

If I’m reading a book or trying to write, and you talk at me without having anything important to say, I will absolutely NOT engage with you. For what reason are you bothering me? I’m obviously trying to read, please leave me alone. This is how people start becoming homebodies, these experiences make me not want to go outside.what part of my actions are inviting you to bother me? I confess: I’m sick of it! Oh on another note too, I notice this since I read in cafes a lot but MEN, LISTEN UP. Leave the poor baristas and cashiers alone. It’s so painfully awkward watching dude after dude try their lines when these girls are paid to smile, but their faces and body language speak loudly as to how uncomfortable they are. (Ladies I know how it feels, I had a few stalkers when I worked in a cafe. Keep your conversations with any private details quiet and private, this is the best advice I have to offer you).

I confess that the path to happiness

For myself is to stop caring what others think of me. I think I’m a decent, kind person but that still doesn’t stop the haters at work, strangers on the street, drunk neighbours from pointing their venom in my direction for no clear reason. The trick is to let it roll off your back or it’ll drive you nuts. Not easy but it’s well worth it for my sanity.

In retrospect

Our connection was divine. Hypnotic, even. The intimacy was transcendent. Best sex of my life, too. The avoidant attachment issues, the drinking, the oblique hints about severe benzo dependency, the suspicion, the rejection - not so much. That part was agony, mostly. Given a couple of years to reflect, I find myself in agreement. Not meant to be. But still... My life has very few regrets, and not just because I should have been dead long ago. But this regret, for the way it was with us, will linger. "If only" should be a four-letter word.

>:( I Saw You

Went through a million pages of the "I Saw You's". Couldn't find a single one written for me. I'm feeling tempted to write one to myself.

365

Today marks one year since my grandfather passed away. He was such a monumental part of my upbringing that losing him impacted me far more than I had anticipated. Even now I have a hard time getting used to the fact that he won't be the one to answer the phone when I call my grandparents house, I won't hear his wonderful laugh ever again, or be on the receiving end of his very useful yet sometimes painfully honest advice. Of course I cherish the memories, I'm thankful for the time we had with him and for the remainder of my family, but damn, do I ever miss that man.

My Problem

I don't mind putting the needs of others above my own desires, but I've been doing some self reflecting. I believe one of my biggest problems in life has been putting the desires of others above my own needs.

Spelling and grammar police

I confess that I get irrationally annoyed when I read an e-book that contains numerous spelling and grammar mistakes. This includes books published by reputable publishers, not self-published. Obviously those companies need to hire editors with an education. If they don’t know 09that it’s “should have” and not “should of”, they’re in the wrong line of work!

Butterflies and Masterbating

I'm in my 40's - I'm down to earth, i'm confident, I know what I want. Basically, I'm a people person and I can talk to anyone. With that said i'm usually a pretty calm and quite lady. EXECPT when I see this one guy around, then it becomes totally absurd!! I bumped into him today and during our small talk I was like a 13 yo school girl with a crush. I am so completely embarrassed by this behaviour. Fidgeting with my clothes and blushing, not even being able to talk properly. I'm sure it was WAY over the top obvious what was happening. I am so mortified, the WORST part is I know I will see him again at some point and the cycle will start again. He must think I am totally insane. What he doesn't know, is that my attraction to him is so strong that I use him to get off all-the-time! If he knew that just before we ran into each other I had just rubbed one out to him I wonder what he would say.

Never getting better

I was abused by my husband in every way for 17 years, I have PTSD from it. A year after I left him I met a man I let my guard down and I trusted him and loved him and then he cheated on me. My ex owes me over $10,000 in child support and he's doing everything possible not to pay it. Everyone tells me how strong I am but I'm not... I'm hanging on by a thread for my kids. I used to have hope that it would all get better but you know I know it's not going to. I know life isn't fair but it just seems like for some people it's more fair.

I SAW YOU

West Coast Express Girl of my Dreams

To the Persian babe who sat across from me and slayed me with your hotness - wanna be friends?

SAVAGE LOVE

Savage Love: Don’t let BF’s kink woes hold you back

You can't control who will give you attention at kink parties