Confessions

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Bed sheets

I shower at least once a day, but only wash my bed sheets every couple of weeks. I'm single so there's no action going on between them, so I figure that's good enough...

Am I a creep?

I don't dress the best or the worst... but somehow, I get the feeling that I do not fit in anywhere. It may have something to do with my appearance. I tan dark olive and people always think I am from somewhere else (I really hope this isn't the reason)... but I've noticed, all throughout my life, people do not trust my face for whatever reason. I am not super attractive, but I think I'm alright to be honest. I was bouldering (which is just climbing without much height and on mats) and I asked a woman if I could do laps between her set of laps, as people just sit idly when they are resting between sets. I tried to be as polite as possible, and kept at least 4 meters between us. Oddly enough, I saw no earbuds or anything and I was completely ignored. Not even a no or a head-shake. Since we were wearing masks, I eventually said "Sorry to bother you.... but I don't know if you can hear me. Is it okay if I can do laps here?". Still no response... and due to Covid, I certainly didn't want to get closer. This was already really strange. I don't see why I would want to walk any closer. I was just getting a bad vibe. I am losing hope in this society (or maybe just Vancouver). One cannot even be as polite as possible without being labelled a weirdo or a creep in Vancouver... and no, it's not the sort of jock-gym where people are hitting on each other. We're pretty LGBT+ friendly and so on in there. So, I really have no idea what the deal is unless she is deaf or I have the most untrusting face, ever... even so, should less attractive people get treated like they do not even have a right to exist?

The little things

I don’t drive so I’ve never taken my recyclables to the depot. I’ve always put them out for binners, recycle or throw out. I was embarrassed to walk with a big bag of cans and tetras down the street. I’m now in my fifties and I don’t give a shit what people think anymore. I do it now and it’s freeing. I know it doesn’t mean much to most people, but it feels good that I can finally now do things without worrying what other people think.

Screwdge

I’m fake nice to strangers. I hate most people and I don’t have a minute to spare for idiocy. Most feckless banter makes me cringe and shudder. I enjoy bashing everyone silently to myself. I get sick pleasure from the black hole that is my soul. It’s the only thing that brings me a droplet of sunshine in my mind of murky waters. You’d never know it to look at me, though. I’ve fooled you all!

In favor of love over sex

In the past, several men that I dated for a short period of time segregated me into a compartmentalized section of their life, seeing me only on occassion, with the relationship not deepening or growing, I was not introduced as friend or to family members so I knew this relationship was, for him, not going to progress, and sure enough I was shortly dropped as a girlfriend and had to get over it on my own. I felt rejected and I was, in most cases due to my physical appearance (just never pretty enough) and the pain was really deep for me. I had a nervous breakdown after one breakup. In some cases these boyfriends wanted sex but no relationship and that is what hurts the most. Men should never date someone they plan to treat as excess or unwanted, in the near future. It traumatized me for life, recently a female friend compartmentalized me in the same way, and it triggered a mental health episode with depression. She did not want me to meet her family or friends, and it made me ill. She also did not understand when I tried to explain it to her. When someone does that to you, treats you with little respect that way, it scars you for life. Therapy can help, but it has deep roots connected with childhood abandonment and neglect, very easily triggered. Men should be honest and open in their relations as much as they can, to avoid triggering women's psychological issues. Be honest and open.

Ate It All

Bought a tub of Haagen-Dazs and an edible after a brutal stretch at work. Was just going to have a few nibbles of one and a few mouthfuls of the other and catch up on some tv while going for a slow ride. But they tasted so good I ate it all. Woke up the next morning feeling rested and renewed. My shows can wait.

Crazy Lady

My neighbour is constantly texting me to be quiet even when I’m watching a movie quietly or playing music in the afternoon at a reasonable volume. Then I hear her thumping while she walks, playing her piano at 3am and screaming at her husband at all hours. If I text back she becomes upset and complains about my noise more. I can’t believe this woman is married. Her husband is super nice and accommodating and lets her away with all that behaviour. I don’t get it. Why are so many people completely unhinged?

Peter Pans Shadow

I lost my home of ten years and recently my workplace to renoviction and I haven't been able to reestablish feeling connected to a community since then. I no longer have the heart to invest or contribute. I wish I could afford a home and have confidence in a place that cannot be taken out from under me. I feel disconnected, disinterested, and selfish. Though I question, why should I invest so much of myself anymore into things in Vancity when they just as soon get taken away. Why bother? It often feels like the city loves taking my money while pushing me out the door. I feel so unwelcome in a place I call home and deeply miss. I miss whatever it was that used to be here. Maybe I just miss myself. Where did I go Vancouver?

Mary Jane

I have sleep issues because of neighbors. One beside me gets up 7 days a week at 5am. And the other neighbor above me gets up at 8am. It's really tough to sleep because I work nights. So I decided to try a little bit of pot before bed and wow! Just like that I sleep through everything most nights. I wish that I had tried this sooner. I went from no sleep for months to only one sleepless night a week. That is incredible. Wish I had known sooner. Sleep is so important I feel so much better.

I'm annoyed by my friend

She recently got into "witchcraft" and demands respect even though I think it's "hogwash" to use an equally old and silly term. Why are people forcing politeness into this crazy situations? Should be called out instead.

I SAW YOU

Quick hello

I was walking down Ontario street, minding my own beeswax, when I look over to see a beautiful...

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