Confessions

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I’m optimistic

Yeah, I know and please don’t get me started about where we are and where we’ve been, so on and so forth. But at this very moment in time, I’m optimistic. Just saying.

I have something to say

I can't do this on my own so I am going to get someone to help me. It's not a bad thing to ask for help every once and a while. I will prevail !

Finding a job

I took time off to have a kid and go back to school, now I'm trying to find a job and everyone is asking why I have no employment for a few years umm.. I was taking care of a kid and doing pt school so it took me like 5-6 years to do my BA... I'm trying to find a job for the past 6 months with no luck... I don't understand, I have great experience, great references, great GPA, but I just can't get hired. One company lead me on for two months, made it seem like I was going to get hired interviewed me 5 times just to go with someone else another company didn't want to proceed with an interview cuz I accidentally failed a typing test (my cat jumped on the keyboard, and I had one attempt to pass). I'm a good employee! Im smart and I work hard! Please hire me... please give me a chance...

Nervous

It's been a while since I've been on a date. As the pandemic hit I was beaming with self confidence and my social skills were solid for the dating and organic conversation. I have a date with someone I crushed on for a while but have not been on a normal date since pre pandemic. I'm nervous like I was as an insecure teen. With so many shutdowns of businesses and things I would normally get my nerves out with(bars, swimming, matinees, etc) I feel like I am psyching myself out.

Begin again

I can't do the bare minimum work to get better so I spend a lot of time criticizing and blaming others. It's a constant cycle of doom. I want everyone to cater to me and my ego, the cost is of no significance. It's easier than having the courage to look at myself and my issues, that I'm a lonely man that thought I would have been settled down by now. Sadly I only managed to push everybody away by own idiocy and pettiness. Focusing and blaming others is easier but I want to change. I want to stop fighting my childhood battles through other people. I've accepted nobody would ever date me with my disturbing issues, now I need to work on not projecting my miserable existence on others and letting them live. Where to begin?

Ballet

My mother signed me up for ballet in the early 90's. I was an 8-9 year old boy at the time, and we had just moved to Hicksville USA. I don't think I learned much in ballet class, but as soon as the other kids in the public school found out, I learned a lot about perceptions of gendered activities, fighting and bullying. Thanks mom!

Guilty and a little bit ashamed

I live in an "adult oriented" townhouse complex where at 65, seem to be the young one on the block. Furthermore, it appears at least in the area that I live, the ratio of men to woman here is 2 to 1. So, over the last 10 years I have become the first line of inquiry when a house-hold repair problem occurs. I also shovel snow. This is not the problem, actually I enjoy the repairs: the changing of light bulbs, furnace filters, smoke detectors and such. However, because of my disposition, I insist that only my costs be refunded. This is where the problem arises. Some of the recipients too insist something. Usually a gift in the forms of alcohol, flowers (?) and baked goods. But, I do not drink alcohol, have no need of flowers and only eat foods with no preservatives. Now, I have thought about this. When I am given these "tokens of appreciation" should I refuse them or gracefully say thank you and then later discard them. I must say, in the past I did refuse some alcohol with the explanation of "I don't drink alcohol", but then the look of disappointment on that woman’s face changed me. My confession: I graciously accept these gifts and then later, with guilt, discard them.

Yay!

For me at least, the perks of below zero temperatures mean I can use my second, outdoor fridge - a cooler on my balcony. I can store extra food without wasting electricity to keep it cool. I've been told it's a very Canadian thing to do haha.

I SAW YOU

Cute Guy at Vaccination Clinic

We were standing in line waiting to get our boosters and we talked about the book I was reading, ...

SAVAGE LOVE

Savage Love: Confusion over desire for spanking can be fixed with a proclamation of bisexuality...with limits

According to Dan Savage, it's better to give in to spanking than worry about your curiosity.