Confessions

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What is the

point of anything? Lately I just feel like everything is going to pot more and more and I’m glad I had some action-packed years but if the future is just going to be pandemics, climate change and economic collapse then why are any of us bothering with anything except maybe trying to save the environment?? Why are people still running around touting their own horns and having kids and showing off on social media?

I dont know

We are supposed to get through every year with 2 weeks of holiday. Im the only one at my job that knows certain tasks. I KNOW 100% that i will not be allowed to take two weeks at once. I do not consider one week off as a holiday. I REALIZE that two weeks is standard. I know that some people get less or none at all. But can we please aim higher instead of always comparing ourselves with others? My boomer mom is all: wElL iN jApAn tHeY wOrK 70 hOuR wEeks!!! Yeah well suicide and death by stress is common there. Great example ma. Also, she never had to work until her adult life. So she is obviously an expert on the modern workplace. Oh well. If i just wait FIVE FUCKING YEARS i get another week of holiday. Fuck

Wakeup

I am a big girl and I don't understand why its so hard to find a quality man. I am a really nice person with a lot to offer to a man. I want to get married and have children. Big girls deserve love too.

What is acceptable grief?

I confess, I find it difficult to understand why some types of grief are considered to be socially acceptable and therefore supported, but others are not. It’s as if as a society we’ve arbitrarily decided that the only acceptable grief is if someone you love has died. If that’s the case you’re socially allowed to be sad and to take time to recover, etc. People offer support, at least for a while. But there are so many other major losses that affect people! Like losing a beloved pet. Or losing a career. Or experiencing a major disability that causes a loss or a partial loss of one of your senses. Or losing an important relationship with someone you deeply loved, and not by choice. Losing your home is also a huge deal. But somehow the only people that are truly given the compassion for a loss in our society are those whose loved one has died. The rest of us are just given a “oh that sucks” pat on the back and expected to get on with it. But what if you’ve experienced every single one of these losses within a few years and you’re just not able to cope anymore? Does anyone care? Apparently not.

Outliving others

I’m now at a point in my life where I’ve reached that stage of outliving friends, childhood friends, and my friend’s parents. Life takes on new meaning now. Literally my friend went on vacation, broke his back surfing, came back a paraplegic and then died. I’m a space cadet and my mind is preoccupied and not present. I’m forgetting basics, my mind scattered. A woman yelled at me in a public washroom because I forgot to flush the toilet before she entered the stall. I apologized immediately and felt embarrassed. Try not to blow up when you perceive you’ve been wronged. Maybe people are thinking about someone’s fatal concussion or throat cancer and are preoccupied. Life can literally end tomorrow and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s scary and sobering.

Why is everything so far ?

I feel like I'm in bum fuck Idaho. Seriously the little store is an hour walk away. I'm at the bloody end of town here where the cows live. Moo Moo Put this on my grave " She walked herself to death and made a mean brisket". Oh Lord Help Me !

Disturbing

I can't help but wonder if there's something on the Island that is playing a role in young men turning into violent criminals. Not so long ago two young men from Port Alberni triggered one of the largest manhunts in Canadian history. Now this bank robbery. I don't like it. Not one bit.

Cool, Dark

Yes, that's what I want. I'm hiding from the sun. I don't like it being sunny all that much, especially when it's over 25 C. I miss the luxury of a basement.

My mom...

... has started throwing things at me. I am disabled, live at home for economic reasons. I have dealt with a father who was physically abusive as well as an abusive brother who ended up dying in his 20s due to drug abuse. I recognize the pattern---she has escalated to throwing objects. if I go through any of these "domestic abuse" pamphlets the Government prints and substitute "mom" for "spouse" and "child" for "spouse" it is literally what she is doing to me and has done for much of my life. Historically she would, like, poke me in the chest, tell me she wanted to knock my head off. I just don't know how much more of this I can take, and there is zero support. I literally just need a few hundred more dollars a month from the ministry, and I can move out. She displays zero insight into her condition, as was the case for my father and brother. father was physically abused by his adoptive father, doesn't understand you can't strike someone because you dislike their conduct. Brother was socialized to believe he was allowed to strike me because "I'm the bigger one." I just want off this ride. It's so horrible.

My Way

If I could have my way I would buy a small RV and travel around seeing new places stopping in little towns along the way, meeting new people and live life on the road. Take the roads less traveled and camp all over B.C. and get back to nature and record all my escapades on video camera then maybe get a reality T. V. Show. Lol Dreams and Wishes :)

I SAW YOU

Bus #14 to Blanca

We took the same bus at Georgia + Granville this afternoon. You were wearing beige pants + light...

SAVAGE LOVE

Savage Love: Interaction of oxytocin with dopamine creates intense sexual pleasure

Dan's expert this week, Dr. Larry J. Young, explains why oxytocin alone cannot be seen as the "bonding hormone"