I confess that I judge people for using those smelly chemicals like Febreeze, Axe body spray, heavy perfumes, fragrances for hair, room spray, scented candles, smelly cat litter, etc. What it tells me is that you are too dirty to clean yourself and your surroundings, so try to hide it by making everything smell like a road stop outhouse. It also says that you are too selfish to consider other people who may have their entire day or days ruined as a result of sharing an elevator, office, or grocery store lineup with you.
That stuff is so nasty. It triggers migraines, asthma attacks, rosacea flare ups, and is full of chemicals linked to asthma and cancer, yet people waste their money on it and douse themselves in it. I am currently writing this with a flushed, pink and painful face after sharing an elevator with one such person. They were doused in perfume and hair spray, and likely only wash their hair once per week / go to bed with false eyelashes and makeup on. Disgusting.
I confess that I judge. Okay, off to go live in a bubble.
The worst thing I ever did for myself was interview and work for the Government of Canada. I suffer each day because of what occurred. I wish there was a government-sponsored program to cure what ails me. I do NOT forgive Canada..
I asked a girl out a few weeks ago. Feared rejection, but whatever, summers almost over and in a few weeks we'd not run into each other anymore. She said "sure". Went to a matinee, went for a walk, held hands. That's it. All I ever read in confessions is the "no's", lots of yes's happen too.
Let me start by saying that I’m a youngish senior woman. In my younger days I had no shortage of male attention. But I am a senior now and I think that I look it. So when I get male attention now it weirds me out, especially when the male in question is a LOT younger than me. Mostly I just think they’re confused or that I’m imagining it. But yesterday I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t imagining this guy who was at least 25-30 years younger than me following me around the grocery store. To be sure I wasn’t imagining it I wandered all over the place randomly. Everywhere I went he was right there. I thought maybe he was security and thought I was stealing, but there were a couple of instances where we accidentally (or was it?) bumped into each other and there was laughing and eye contact, so I think he was actually following me. It’s been so long (about 1 1/2 years at least) since I’ve been with anyone and I’m not expecting that I ever will be again, but now I’m wondering if I look as bad as I think I do or if I’m completely crazy! I’ve always been terrible at knowing when a man is interested in me or flirting. I take everyone at face value and I’m completely clueless when it comes to flirting of any kind. But I definitely did have a lot of younger men (like 20 years younger sometimes) hitting on me when I was a lot younger than I am now, so is it even possible still? Are there really young men out there who are actually attracted to much older women? I’m seriously asking because I’m weirded out by it.
7 years ago I met him, we fell in love quickly. Talked about the future. Then he completely ghosted me. Just disappeared. Gone from social media, changed his phone number. Now 7 years later he has reappeared. Married with a pregnant wife. He says he doesn't want anything, just needs my forgiveness. I'm not sure I can do that. I don't think he can even comprehend the level of hurt he inflicted.
Young or old. Lean or chonky. Vocal or quiet. Active or chill. Furry or hairless. Polydactyl. Tripod. Black. Calico. Tabby. It doesn't matter. I love all cats. Cats are comedy, joy, love and spice made flesh.
It’s been a hard lesson for me. I’ve always been that person who didn’t give up on people. Gave 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances too many times. Looked for the best, gave the benefit of the doubt. Practiced reaching out even though as an introvert that’s hard for me. But I’ve decided that I will reach out no more than 2x and if they make excuses then I’ll be backing right off. No more chasing relationships for friendship or romance or even with family. If someone wants me in their life they’re going to have to do some chasing of me for a change. Otherwise I’ll be keeping to myself because I’m finally learning my own worth.
I want to be where you folks are, going out and seeing friends at events and enjoying! But it’s so much more complex than that.
I have PTSD (and ADHD) and I was starting to work with this before the pandemic hit but was interrupted and had experiences throughout the pandemic that further aggravated my PTSD. I’m a mid 30s female.
When I get together with folks now I’m confused by the interactions and uncomfortable, peoples boundaries seemed to have all but disappeared completely and they go for that hug without checking I want it, or they reach onto my plate and touch my food - I then can feel my whole body tense and my brain starts to skip like a discman on a jog. I may be reactive, I may excuse myself awkwardly, go to the bathroom just to get space and breath it out, I may pretend it’s totally ok but spend an hour over thinking it at home.
It takes so much energy to engage that the thought of connecting with old friends exhausts me and I’m pretty sure I’m losing some of them.
I get told not to be afraid - I AM NOT AFRAID - I have frigging PTSD and my body aches with tension when you get near me and my mind is always running on hyperdrive and feels like it’s wearing out.
I don’t have compromised immunity, but this “pre existing condition” heavily impacted how I moved thru he pandemic and how my return to “normal”(?) will look.
It took a long time but it was well worth it.
It’s been 14 years since I last went to church. And I honestly don’t miss it.