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Par-tay!

Recently, I made a connection with a couple who are into hosting parties in the basement of their home where everyone gets naked, drinks and play games like Cards Against Humanity and Balderdash. And then the real shenanigans begin! To say that this has been fun is the understatement of the year. I'm not sure how I got this lucky. Especially living in a place like Vancouver where this confession is guaranteed to get downvoted to oblivion by people who dream of doing the same.

Making friends is difficult.

I've tried. I've tried joining things, volunteering, being out and about on hikes and in cafes. I smile, I make eye contact. I try to come across as open but not needy or clingy. Perish the thought that anyone ever have any needs. There's an incredible unspoken stigma against people who struggle with loneliness or who don't have many friends. I'm trying to persevere and be optimistic. It's just difficult.

Boomers had it so easy

Boomers had it so easy We were born in the shadows of the Great Depression and the Second World War, the profound and terrible adversities faced by our fathers and mothers, the hard lessons they never forgot, and never let us forget. We lived before the age of abundance, before the credit revolution that enabled undeferred gratification in all things. We lived through the inquisition of McCarthyism, the Korean War and the War in Vietnam. We lived through the Age of Conformity. We lived through the recession of the 1950s, as deep as the Great Depression, although not nearly as long. We lived through enforced conscription and military service. We lived through Polio Epidemics before the Salk vaccine. We lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis that seemed about to annihilate all human life on earth. We lived through the assassinations of political leaders and civil rights leaders. We lived through the tragedy and the triumph of the Civil Rights Movement. We lived through a time when sexual diversity was a criminal offence. We lived through a time when a woman could not get a mortgage. We lived through a time when mortgage interest rates were as high as 20%. And where we were able to, we changed those things, mostly for the better. It didn't seem like it was so easy.

People think I shouldn’t do this but

but I’m 22 and I’m dating a 48 year old man. Its the best relationship I have ever been in and I have never felt so loved and appreciated. The looks we get in public always bother me though, the subtly passive aggressive comments get to me. People don’t know my life, they don’t know my story. Maybe I’ll feel differently in the future but my mistakes are mine to make, and if I am old enough to make my own decisions in every other realm of my life then why does anyone feel the need to comment on my romantic choices? If it hurts me in the future then it’s my pain to endure anyway, I don’t need society to save me from mistakes I may or may not make. Please, dear god, keep your comments and your stares to yourself.

Not my secret

If you made the choice to do the crime against me, you don’t get to tell me how I have to react to it. You don’t get to tell me not to tell anyone. There’s no non disclosure agreement in a relationship, and if you wanted blind loyalty then you should have been someone worthy of that. If you’re so afraid of what people will think about you then be a good person for real! Good people don’t lie and manipulate and try to control the people they claim to love. Good people don’t try to blame their victim for their own actions. Good people don’t do what you did. I will talk about it as much as I need to in order to cope with the impact it’s had on my life.

It won’t last forever

That’s the truth of life right there - whatever it is will change. You can have looks and charm and that can get you lots of attention when you’re young, but if you don’t develop something else along the way, like actual character, you’ll find yourself confused and lonely when you’re in your senior years. All those guys I know who spent most of their lives partying and avoiding growing up at all costs are struggling now. They either never got married or they just fooled around too much and got dumped. Now they don’t have the looks anymore and the young women don’t want them and the ones their own age are too smart to fall for their bs. They ruined their livers with too much partying, and they were too busy f’ing around to go to school for a real education, so now they’re uneducated and the world has left them behind. One of my buddies is a poster child for this kind and hanging around with him now is painful. He looks shell shocked like he never saw it coming even though the signs have been there for a long time but he refused to change. I know it isn’t just guys who do this because I know a woman who always just got by on her looks too, until they faded and now she looks kind of desperate too. I guess what I’m trying to say is that beauty is nice but it’s the inner beauty that makes the person worthy.

I think...

... that there has not been a confession about eating delicious chicken for some time. It's wonderful to live in a society where any hour of the day you can go out of your house and find chicken readily prepared for you in restaurants. It speaks to the greatness of this place that there is a continual supply of edible chicken. It is uninterrupted. May the chicken flow.

A little dog...

I saw my ex today walking the dog they gifted me. I chose not to see the dog after we parted ways. My ex partner was walking with someone else. They did not see me. I stood in the corner of my building, watching the scene unfold. The apparition ended some 30 seconds later, as they were out of sight. I got home and noticed tears streaming down my face. I miss that little dog. No, I don't miss my ex, not comparing myself with the other person, not jealous, not wishing them any ill. I hope a little strand of my longing has reached out to my little doggie...to let him know that I still love him, even though he does not see me.

Period

People that have schizophrenia belong in a mental hospital. Homeless people belong in a shelter. People who are homeless, and mentally ill don’t need free drugs. They need to be away from drugs. Period.

They do know

I used to make excuses for my ex’s bad behaviour. I used to think maybe he just didn’t understand how it was hurting me and if I could just explain it to him he’d stop. But no matter how many times I explained nothing changed. My therapist made me see things more clearly when she said that if someone only behaves in certain ways when you’re alone with them, they know exactly what they’re doing. It was a lightbulb moment for me. If they know enough to hide it, they know that what they’re doing is wrong, so abusing you is a CHOICE.

I SAW YOU

Quick smile through the car window

You were waiting at the light in the rain holding two (whole foods?) grocery bags, I was in the...