Confessions

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Chemicals

I confess that I judge people for using those smelly chemicals like Febreeze, Axe body spray, heavy perfumes, fragrances for hair, room spray, scented candles, smelly cat litter, etc. What it tells me is that you are too dirty to clean yourself and your surroundings, so try to hide it by making everything smell like a road stop outhouse. It also says that you are too selfish to consider other people who may have their entire day or days ruined as a result of sharing an elevator, office, or grocery store lineup with you. That stuff is so nasty. It triggers migraines, asthma attacks, rosacea flare ups, and is full of chemicals linked to asthma and cancer, yet people waste their money on it and douse themselves in it. I am currently writing this with a flushed, pink and painful face after sharing an elevator with one such person. They were doused in perfume and hair spray, and likely only wash their hair once per week / go to bed with false eyelashes and makeup on. Disgusting. I confess that I judge. Okay, off to go live in a bubble.

In Love

I am madly in love with my coworker. I am so attracted to her personality, her smile, her eyes and her sense of humour. She is incredibly beautiful but she doesn't flaunt it even though she is breathtakingly gorgeous. I think about her all the time and wish we could be together!

Party of one

If you’ve never been responsible for another human being’s safety and care I think it affects how you interact in the world. The people I know who never had kids or had to take care of another person seem really different than the ones who did. Something about having to put your own wants and needs aside because you’re responsible for someone else definitely changes a person. The people I know who are my age (around 70) who have lived their whole lives only being responsible for themselves just can’t relate to what it’s like to have so many other obligations. They get frustrated and upset because they don’t understand why family stuff interferes with plans for things I might want to do. It’s tedious trying to explain why family illness or crises have to take precedence over a social event or something like that. They’re so used to only having to consider themselves that they just can’t understand what it’s like not to have that option. Like they never had to be responsible to pay for raising a child and take care of them no matter what you might have wanted to do instead. I’m not saying that everyone who didn’t have kids is awful or anything just that we’re not on the same wavelength a lot.

I hate being

a human. I hate this seething cess pool of debauchery, chaos, unkindness, filth and pollution. I hate how cruel people are to each other. I don’t want to be part of this anymore. What is the point of having material things when money can’t change the fact that everyone is so mean and petty and in the end it’s all meaningless?

Asking coworkers out isn't a crime

In fact, two of my longest relationships have stemmed from an office romance fling. The most important thing is that people respect each other's boundaries, values, and professional paths. I think the government (institutions like universities at least) peddles easy answers and casts office romance in a negative light, but I know plenty of people in long-term relationships because they met at the office.

It’ll be okay

Amy I a shitty person for liking a guy who has a girlfriend? I would never do anything about it, as it seems like they have a great relationship. I saw him the other day unexpectedly and realized I still liked him. If we’re meant to be in the future that would be nice. If not, that’s okay too. I’m happy for them. Mostly!

Control Myself

If I could take pill to erase memory of my ex I would yesterday and rhats the honest to God truth. Key way to live in the moment. There is no honor or feel good nonsense to this unlike feel good types will tell you.

Thinking back

Someone from the past doesn’t understand why I’m not interested in their attempt to get me to remember “the good times”. Maybe it’s because the memory isn’t as good for me as it apparently is for them. I’m so traumatized from that relationship that all I want to do now is forget it.

A beautiful life

As I close my eyes and dream, I am not sitting on a chair typing this. My legs are dangling off the side of a cloud. The ground that I think I feel below my feet is not really there, just the distance between the cloud and the earth. I sit watching peacefully as the world turns. I can't tell which I like more. The bright pockets of lights that are where city hubs are or the greenery of the mountains that are untouched. Life is beautiful. Normalcy is beautiful. Everything I lost over the last few years has returned. Maybe not all for me, but for the community. My heart will be warm this Christmas season and the next few months of the halloweens, the kids birthday, the decorating season will be like starting from scratch. I could not and would not anything else.

I SAW YOU

Lo with our bikes on the Seabus Saturday...

This Saturday morning we both got on the Seabus headed to Waterfront. You had a well equipped and...