Haven’t talked to my friend since he got married. He has two kids and the wife is expecting a third baby on the way. It’s not the same anymore. I’m single with no kids and no wife. Haven’t even found the right person so I find that the older I get, the harder it is to relate to my friend. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a very nice guy but we’re growing apart. It’s obvious to me there’s no room for single guys in his life.
I feel like I was bred to be a low level worker and conditioned to enjoy this way of life best. What is the alternative? I suppose living out my days on an isolated island or hanging from a bell tower.
I hardly visit my mother anymore like I used to. Our relationship has been broken in the last couple of years. She’s always anxious, on edge and does nothing but cry day in and day out. I could hardly be myself around my mother since she became increasingly overly sensitive. It’s like you have to walk on eggshells when you’re around her, otherwise she gets so offended easily and blows sky high. She never used to be like this back in the good old days. My mom constantly me that her anxiety stems from a dysfunctional abusive family that she grew up in. She was a victim of physical, verbal and sexual abuse. I guess that’s probably why she turned out the way she did. But I’m not sure what to tell her anymore because I am not A psychotherapist. I even suggested that she should try seeking therapy of some sort to address the problems that she’s had in her own life, but she refuses to listen to me. She doesn’t want to help herself and is afraid that some shrink is going to provide her with pills and drug her up. It’s beyond my control and there’s nothing more I can do but carry on and live my own life.
But I don't know why because it's so stupid. For example, I like to eat just ice cream cones without ice cream. My girlfriend came shopping with me the other day and she noticed I bought ice cream cones but no ice cream. I'm lactose intolerant and ever since I was a child I would just eat the cone but I love them and I eat them like cookies. Well I didn't want her to think I was weird so I just lied to her and said I get my ice cream from somewhere else. I don't know why this is so embarrassing. I just like snacking on the cone.
I'm pretty sure I'm from some other time. I feel a tad discombobulated in this reality. I think I met a fellow time traveler but she's married now, so I should really just go back in time to try and woo her...but somehow I don't know how to do that.
Most of the others hate nights but not me. No management, slower and usually consistent pace, lots less traffic to and from. But trying to hook up isn't easy. Who wants to go for breakfast instead of dinner? And day drinking isn't cool.
My uncle George took me for walks when I was in my childhood. He almost got stung by a bee and got mad at it. Then many years later, I moved to East Vancouver, and my uncle George came to visit us from Montreal. We went for a walk to McDonald’s on Main Street and he saw another bee. He thought it was the same bee that remembers him and I was like say whaaaaat?” The guy smoked fields of weed right up until the last breath of his life. I loved him and still do. Rest in peace my dear WoWo.
After what seemed to be an eternity waiting for the cashier to ring in and pack your groceries in a seemingly unending process, a gentleman in the other line ushered me ahead of him saying, "Go ahead, you've been waiting quite a while". Shortly after, I said to you, "It would really help if you learned to pack your own groceries", To which you replied something about minding my own business.
I just wanted to apologize for my unsolicited advice.
My impatience got the better of me.
I used to think a lot about having my own little
house in the woods. I still do from time to time, but lately that's been overtaken by the idea of creating a living space inside of a natural cave, something cozy but still airy. Living inside a tienkeng would be amazing too. I think it appeals to my subconscious desire to escape and be hidden.
I’ve become a dull person. I wish I had the resources to go find what wakes me up as a human being but I don't. I feel afraid to risk the stability I’ve acquired. But which decision will I regret when I’m 80? Will I curse myself for not saving enough money to live or will I regret not making my life worth living? I don’t think I can strike a balance to afford both.