Confessions

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Not so simple

When someone shares a traumatic experience with you, telling them that you would never tolerate that or that you don’t understand why they still love that person isn’t at all helpful. Those situations are far more complicated than most people realize. Love / hate happens all the time, and usually it happens when someone has been abused as a child. They don’t know what “normal” looks like. For example, they got sexually abused by someone they were taught to love, like a parent or grandparent. That person isn’t awful to them all the time, so they wind up feeling so confused and conflicted. They grow up and encounter other people who abuse them, but not all the time and they don’t know what normal is so it feels like love hurts, and they keep trying to do things differently so that person will treat them right, because they’re used to being blamed for their own mistreatment. So instead of immediately jumping to that conclusion and judging that person for being in that type of situation, try understanding why they’re in it in the first place. It can happen to anyone, even someone who appears to be strong on the outside.

Can you feel it?

Praying for a thick shroud of fog that lasts for three days!!!

Treat Day

I've cut eating out down to about once every two to three weeks. Today is one of those days. Given that I used to eat out everyday due to stress/depression/laziness, I'm surprised how disciplined I've been. It's been really hard. But, not being able to afford rent and being on strike/laid off is scary. I just hope I can keep this up until it's the good times again. Good luck everyone!

An odd realization...

Ive realized something. I don't care about sex or cumming or w/e. But I would love to have someone to kiss, cuddle, hold & talk to. That's what I want. That's why I've been intrigued in chastity cages lately. I'd happily be locked away if it meant I had someone to talk to. to give myself fully to someone would be ideal.

I left before the parade started

I'm middle-aged was transitioning a few year to female but stopped as people thought I was a cross dresser even in the gay community I was thought & seen as a crossdresser not as a transwoman....so I stopped, since then I have identified as non-binary/gender nonconforming, yet still seen and referred to as "dude, buddy. sir" etc even though I try to ask to be seen as non-binary...... anyway today I went to check out the Pride Parade & left before it started....I have no friends, no connections with people in the community & when i saw people with their friends, family, girlfriends/, boyfriends/partners I felt like shit, these events are great if you have people to meet there or go with, not when you go by yourself...& no I don't happen to meet people there...it's been like this all the times I go....I don't want to go up to someone & introduce myself....that's creepy.....I don't identify as a cis male, I don't identify as a gay man....I don't know maybe I'm too alternative or something & Pride is just too mainstream....I don't know....I don't know what's wrong with me:(

I want to delete it

But I haven’t been able to do it yet. I found a recording that has my ex’s voice on it. I hadn’t heard their voice at all since we broke up a long time ago, and suddenly there they were. It was a shock to hear it again and stirred up so many confusing emotions. I know I should delete it but I keep finding myself playing it over again just to hear their voice. I’ve been so strong for all this time and now I feel weak again. I’m so mad at myself!

The

pandemic anxiety has left me with separation anxiety with my Mom. I’m 39.

Donkey

Figuratively my boss kicks me like a donkey, oftentimes in group email chain. Do something, do it faster, what’s the answer? And like a donkey I stop moving, stubbornly shutting down. I’ll move again when I damn feel like it.

Time = Respect

My manager had a choice today: he could move one item from Box A to Box B as he's already in the office, or have me commute 2.5 hours to do the same. The item has no bearing on my paid work. If the item stays in Box A, it's not part of my job duties. He asked me to come in. Fortunately a coworker offered to move the item for me. Point blank I realized that my manager doesn't have my back at all and would prefer to do nothing and have me on transit for 2.5 hours. It's times like these I wish I were independently wealthy.

I SAW YOU

Chevron (Sea to Sky Highway)

Can I find the needle in the haystack? We had a brief & polite exchange at the counter of the...

SAVAGE LOVE

Dan Savage: That husband over there

A woman asks Dan for advice on encouraging her husband to have an anonymous encounter with another woman.