Confessions

POST A CONFESSION

I think...

It's best for people to count their blessings or do a genuinely good deed for society rather than sit around, complaining about it so much. Complaining does nothing but only increase anxiety. Try to put your head down and see if you can go through the rest of the year, maybe even the rest of your life without worrying about crappy things that aren't even worth a passing thought. Me? I'm not one of those enlightened types that live in a fantasy world of lollipops, unicorns and other illusional nonsense. I know how shitty things can be, but I only raise issues when it's absolutely necessary. That's just my opinion.

So gross

I had to use a public washroom yesterday designated for everybody which I don't have a problem with. I confess I DO have a problem with people with penises who drop urine on the seat, rim and all over the floor in front of the toilet. I'm sure there are people with vaginas who do the same thing but for the most part I find the offenders are the penis people. Why can't everybody be a little more careful and considerate for others? It's really a matter of cleanliness and biohazards. Honestly.

Regrets, I've had a few.

I spotted you and thought you were -- I don't know, it was definitely more than just a physical attraction. There was kindness radiating from you. I kick myself when I think about how utterly incapable I was of speaking around you. You asked me how I was doing and I couldn't make eye contact. That was twelve years ago and I still think about it, what might have been. Maybe nothing would've unfolded but it would've been nice to know either way. The sad thing is if the exact same scenario were to happen today, I would be just as flummoxed and incapable. There needs some kind of remedial education for dumpster fire level romantic-social hot messes. I barely knew you but you seemed like a lovely person. I hope you're doing well.

to be or not to be

Much like a high school athlete who never evolves past that early life success, I've always wondered if I would want to have been a one hit wonder. I knew a few people who developed out of BC as big hits in the late 90's and 00's. Being their age at the time, of course its envy. With the pandemic and people re-uniting, I noticed many of them had. Re-uniting to that exact thing they were. My best years have been my last 10-15. They're increasingly good. I don't know that I would trade it in to be a global phenom for a year or small fragment of time. I ran into one of my friends and their eclectic hair style that was progressive and chique, is the one they currently had. As an older person. They hated high school athletes, and all I could think was turned into something so very similar.

It's me

I read some cards you had written in the "before". Nothing profound in them, just the word "love", with your hasted scribbles. Never known pain like creating a conversation with someone who is no longer there. I have sat with my sorrow for so long, she finally told me, her name was "grief". It washes over me in waves. Some days, I drown. I will get through this, but I am not sure I will get over it. It's me: no self-appointed psychologists, or otherwise need comment. To know and to experience are very different things.

Had a crush

On this beautiful woman whom I worked with over many moons ago. They called her the Boss Lady. She was a single mother, but it didn’t matter. She had the most gorgeous soulful, crystal blue eyes that really sparkled. Even her teeth were perfect. The sound of her soothing soft spoken voice always cheered me up. Hadn’t seen her since God knows how long. Then I found out that she’s taken. She now has another man in her life. They’re getting serious. No more chances for me. Oh well.

Always fresh? Not particularly

So I hear Tim Horton’s now has a retro collection with their old school logo marked on merchandise. If Timmy’s wanted to impress me, then all they have to do is bring back good stuff that they had in back in the day like the garden vegetable sandwich, The blueberry bran muffin, and chilli in a bread bowl. I stopped going there a long time ago ever since the Company was bought by an American corporation.

Omission experts

The worst kind of liar is one who lies by omitting crucial information. Like if they say things like “I’m not seeing anyone else!” and accuse you of imagining things when the fact is that they’re not currently seeing anyone else but they were when you accused them of it. So they’re not technically lying but they’re just omitting the facts. So many other examples but you get the picture. They’re gaslighting experts because they make you question your sanity.

Distress and Recovery

Why did it go on for so long? The constant disrespect and undercutting. Everyone watched. Speechless. The optimist in me looked for good reason and hoped for better times. I believed I just wasn’t good enough, and too dull to understand that this was all for my growth and benefit. What can I learn? Now that there is respite I begin to breathe and wonder, what really happened here?

Telltale Laugh

People, especially children notice my insincere giggle and comment on it often. Throughout my life, I thought it was sort of a technique I used to shake off insecurity. After spending time with my family, I now discovered it's actually a subconacious reaction I developed to all their really bad jokes. It's a laugh that says "this isn't funny but I'm laughing anyway because that's what I'm supposed to do".

I SAW YOU

Happy Day Cafe on Kingsway

You were sitting by yourself & you ordered a few Curry Fish Balls and a few deep-fried Spring...