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I learned this about recovery

Don’t waste your time talking about recovery and addiction to people who think it’s all about will power or lack thereof. It’s a no-win situation, stick to groups of your fellow addicts (AA, etc), your doctor, addiction counsellors. There is a lot of support out there, but beware those that want to sabotage you.

Humanity!

I confess that I love all the conscientious people, they are so vanishingly rare. Had to deal with two people this week who screwed up royally, causing others a huge amount of inconvenience because of their actions. Instead of accepting they screwed up, apologizing and moving on, you know, the adult thing; I got a litany of lame, lame, lame excuses, scapegoating and diverting the blame. You screwed up, deal with it, I screw up, we all screw up sometimes, it's part of being human, stop trying to make it not your fault! Anyone over the age of 10 should know how this works.

Last of the Candy

So I was going thru the last bit of the Halloween Candy Bowl and it seemed to be all these Kerr Suckers, in the bottom of the bowl, So I thought ok, I'll try one. Dam those things are gross. Threw them right in the garbage. Yuck. I now Hate Suckers." Spit "Yuck U never know what your going to get in your tricker /treat bag. Now it was free !! Except for all the stairs and walking.

Dont know

I know 2 girls. The first one, i had a great relationship with. We split up on good terms, kept in touch, still love eachother. BUT.. she doesnt know where her future will lead. The second girl, i have so much respect for. Im pretty sure, if it wasnt for the first girl and the left over feelings, i would probably have just as strong of feelings for her as i do the first. I need to make a decision. I feel like the local girl is a good option, because shes awesome and theres no location issues. Bit then i think about it, and i love the girl thats on the other side of the world better Then i think the local girl is more reliable, Then i wonder if i would stay loyal to the local girl if the other came back. Dont have the slightest clue how to proceed.

ol' Ed Norton

I randomly came across a very recent video of Norton talking about videos in a video store (those still exist?) on youtube. He looks so old!! Eye bags, double chin, jowls. He's only 50 too, that's 14 years older than me. I watched the video for a few minutes and then spent 10 minutes looking at myself in the mirror. Shit, shit shit!

Strangest hookup

Well, we didn't call it hookup in those days. When I was 20 I was on my way to Mexico from Canada and stopped in L.A. to visit a school friend who had spent a year in Canada when her parents bought a vacation home there. We were always kind of sweet on each other, but were going out with others when we knew each other so nothing happened. Nothing happened this time either; she had a boyfriend and I had a girlfriend back home. But we went out to the philharmonic together and to a concert. Her bf was kind of jealous so one Friday afternoon he came by and said "there's a girl at work that says she's going to go out to a disco tonight and meet some guy to get laid. I told her that could be dangerous, you never know who you'll end up with." Then he looked at me and said "Do you want to meet her ? I told her there was a good looking young guy staying over here." I agreed and later that night she came and picked me up. She was about 30 and kind of plain and a little plump, but what the hell. So she took me home and thoroughly used me. The only thing she didn't want to do was get oral, but she agreed to do me after the um....first two rounds. We did this for two nights running on her black silk sheets on her water bed then she bought me a carton of Marlboro and dropped me off at the highway on-ramp for Phoenix Arizona.

Lonly this season 2020

I miss laughing and my smile, I miss feeling Desired. I honesty don't understand why I can't attract a woman who won't crush me... Yes I'm skinny so why does that mean I'm only attractive to gay men or heavy set women? I wish I wasn't a father... because then at least I could end myself and my misery but I am so I can't... It would be nice to feel reciprocated lust/love again. It must be 2020.... I can see how clearly I am alone and a loser.

Holiday Weight Management

I put my exercise bike in from of the fridge door so I cannot open it. I put SI swimsuit pictures on the fridge door. I go to the bar to eat now.

I Did It

So I had been dating my boyfriend for six years. He keeps telling me its never the right time to get married because of the economy or his job and I was just so fed up. Its just one excuse after another. I cook and clean and pay probably 75% of the bills. So I kicked him out and told him unless I see a ring on this finger he's not coming back. This was the hardest decision of my life.

He wants kids

We had to end it because he wants kids and I don’t. My heart is broken and has had a hard time moving on. I haven’t ever met a man like him before and he hasn’t met anyone like me. We cried like babies but we are in our 30s. Making adult decisions sucks. I still dream of marrying him one day, but that probably won’t happen. Here’s to hoping that I may come across a child free man that has his shit together (or someone with teenage children).

I SAW YOU

Silent connection

I see you every morning we catch the same train . You :extremely tall wearing all black, ...

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