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Age of Grey

I got Covid when it first started to pop up and it hit me pretty hard. One of the many side effects was that it caused a very noticeable increase in grey hair. Since then I now get called old, "Sir", grandpa, etc., and am treated quite differently at work, in my social life, and by the opposite sex. Mostly in a derogatory way. It's been an eye opener. I now look at older people in a different way and feel more compassion towards them. Ageism is real of course and stressful like any other form of discrimination. It's one of the last forms of socially accepted prejudice. It's blatant and in your face with no repercussions. It took contracting a virus for me to realize this.

How the tables have turned

I love my Uncle. Unfortunately, I love him in short bursts. I cannot tolerate him for long periods of time. Whenever he calls, he always brags about useless crap. He puts his wife on a pedestal. Now I hear she’s divorcing him. So what’s there to brag about? WTF.

But They didn’t mean it

I wonder about the ultimate betrayal in a relationship. Is it Infidelity? Lying? How about Disloyalty, Damage, Theft, or Disrespect? Whatever it is, the impact is harm. Intention means nothing.

Who needs him

I had this friend back in my old school days. He used to be humble about coming from a wealthy family but his personality changed defiantly after we graduated. Success must have gone to his head. He became cocky and full of himself. He never had anything interesting to say except comparing his wealth to others and bragging about high priced dinners with lawyers and that kind of crap. Garbage. Absolute garbage. We had nothing in common, so we drifted. I don’t know him anymore. Haven’t seen him in so long therefore he’s dead to me. More so than my own dead relatives.

No one talks about

The guilt of being an unplanned pregnancy, of throwing a wrench into people's lives through no fault of your own. Thirty-five years and three more children later, my parent's marriage isn't horrible, but it isn't great either. They love one another but the marriage is dysfunctional, according to both of them. I sometimes wonder what their lives would've been like if I hadn't appeared. I'm confident they would've gone on to marry other people.

everything has become transient, intentionally

my childhood photos lasted until i was 55, when my wife asked for them, then threw them out. how long do digital phone images last now? 2 years, then the phone dies and everything is gone. Blade Runner had it backwards, the truth is those in power don't want us to have any memories.

Bald is beautiful

I’m almost 40. Had a look at myself in the mirror and noticed my hair is thinning. I’m beginning to think it’s falling out. Nope, I’d rather not buy Rogaine. It’s too expensive and has these weird side effects. Hopefully, it falls out sooner than later so that way I could have a nice George Costanza look.

so cold

There is nothing worse then silence. Especially when you don't understand why. Don't leave people on read. Grow the hell up and communicate like an adult instead of saying nothing at all and letting things fall apart. It's unhealthy . Why throw away such a long friendship away ? At least say why. You say you want unconditional love. But once you have it you run from it and treat the person like a resource, like an option and pull on there heart string, giving them false hope, and trampling on there heart and not even caring. That's brutal . Do you even care that your destroying me . You pretended to love me for what why? I love you and let you into my home to help you but you took advantage of that. You were mean and played with my feelings ,disrespected me and my home. I didn't want to kick you out but what choice did I have. You didn't help with anything not even cleaning up. All I wanted was just a little effort. I would have went to the ends of the earth for you .yet you can't even be bothered to at least tell me why. I lost I lied and I sure cried for you. I knew we would never be together, but I thought we would be friends for ever. I don't know what to do I'm stuck between holding on and walking away. I don't want to walk away. Your my first and last thought everyday. I worry about you. My entire playlist reminds me of you. No matter how hard I try to forget you or hate you I can't. I went into the dark and met your demons, and I chose to love and stay anyway. I don't understand why you came back and said all the right things and convinced me you actually loved me just to hurt me so f**king bad.

to be or not to be

Much like a high school athlete who never evolves past that early life success, I've always wondered if I would want to have been a one hit wonder. I knew a few people who developed out of BC as big hits in the late 90's and 00's. Being their age at the time, of course its envy. With the pandemic and people re-uniting, I noticed many of them had. Re-uniting to that exact thing they were. My best years have been my last 10-15. They're increasingly good. I don't know that I would trade it in to be a global phenom for a year or small fragment of time. I ran into one of my friends and their eclectic hair style that was progressive and chique, is the one they currently had. As an older person. They hated high school athletes, and all I could think was turned into something so very similar.

Mama always said

My mom always told me that she inherently thought parents try to do right for their kids. Sure my dad had walked out and disproved that in many ways, but for the most part I let her have her beliefs. The last few years changed my mind through. Social media, vaping, energy drinks, online gambling, a pandemic that in Canada stretched an extra year longer than the rest of the worlds. Everyone of those things are red flags that we knew before hand, and have allowed to happen anyways. Young adults are passing at a higher rate due to drugs than any time in BC history. If we're doing things right why have every metric we use to measure crashed and burned the last few years. Can't always blame everything bad on a boogie man.


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