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Beside myself

I cant beleive these turn of events. So typical What is with this life, anyways ? Im a strong person. Even more than I realised, but a person has limits. I am determined. But Whats Next ? Bumps in the road So many bumps... Bumps

Miss you

Silver Lining, the wake-up call is something, right? It takes a mess to make us pause and think. Life is short. We could die any minute. I was kinda hoping the people I miss would contact me. They haven't. I haven't contacted them either though. But I'm sending out those feels anonymously.

Web streaming decisions

Normally I don’t watch TV... but now that I am stuck indoors, I need to do something with my time. It is cold and rainy outside. Therefore, I have decided to re-watch all the episodes of Bay Watch. Let’s cozy up to some popcorn!

This is difficult

The same night I watched my mother die is also the same night I found out my cousin committed suicide. I feel so gutted. I’m in such disbelief, I just want to be numb. Because of this Covid 19 bs, I can’t check into the emergency for my emotional distress in regards to my traumatic losses, as I’ve done in the past before. I’m trying so bloody hard to stay strong, but I just want to call the dealer buy a bunch of dope and get high. I feel so alone and isolated.

direct dial

I havent spoken to the woman i love in a couple of years. I miss and love her everyday but i am not responsible or thought full enough to be in a full time /all the time relationship. (its beyond the scope of my abilities) Anyways my wife does and will talk to my adult children.The last time she was talking to my daughter she was being overtly which my daughter kept asking her if she was dying? (She told my daughter she is not dying.) The mrs knows full and well this is going to get back to me....i just wish she would use the phone and call me directly instead of going through my kids.

Maintaining enough food at home...

I’m getting worried about maintaining enough food during ongoing self isolation. We tried ordering food from save on but all delivery spots are sold out. If someone in a household gets sick how is anyone in the household supposed to get food? And yes I know we are supposed to have 2 weeks worth of food but what if you get 2 weeks worth of food and then 1 week later get sick? I appreciate that a lot of improvised options are popping up right now but is there any government advice about this? I am also kind of confused about the mixed messages. If we are supposed to have 2 weeks worth of food then everyone is going to be stockpiling somewhat (especially people with families) but then we are told not to “panic shop” or “stockpile.” And in order to maintain a pantry of 2 weeks worth of food that means either making consistent trips to the grocery store or buying about a month’s worth of food. I understand that it’s still okay to go to grocery stores but what happens if someone in the household gets sick? Also, obviously a lot of people can’t afford to fill their pantries. Anyway, thanks for all the community spirit and support and bravery.

curb side pick-up businesses

I bought something the other day and it felt like I was doing a drug deal. I think businesses need training here, as I had to show ID and credit card for verification (within 2 meters for sure, but no physical contact). Employees don't know what to do. I didn't know what to do either.

End of History ?

In the first week of September 2001 I read a conservative journal with a piece by a retired Havard professor that argued in favour of exonerating FDR for allowing pearl harbor to be attacked. He reasoned that ultimatly the greater good was served and was a good example of executive privilege. First week of September. Eerily prescient. And now...

I aspire to lead a cult

And since my strength is being a loser I'm going to embark on a mission to find other likeminds and er... lead a parade. Parade of the great mass of lost humanity

You want a confession?

I have been an animal lover for my entire life. I was a vet’s assistant, a groomer, and a kennel assistant. I’ve had animals of every kind. Dogs, cats, birds, rodents, horses, reptiles, fish, and cows. So this situation was entirely unexpected. I had taken on an animal that was not mine. I already had a pet, but I couldn’t see this animal left homeless, so I took him, even though this was a huge imposition for me, under my circumstances at the time. He was NOT easy. He caused major problems for me at the worst time in my life. His previous owner couldn’t take him back, so I felt obligated, even though he made my life so much harder. I loved him, but he was an asshole. I had him for several years, and I did my best for him. I finally found a new career, but was forced to move from my rental at the same time. Finding a new place that would take animals was extremely difficult. I finally found one, but I was only allowed to have one pet. The pet that I’d gotten on my own, that I loved SO much, was obviously my choice. As the foster pet was elderly (17) and very unpleasant, I wasn’t able to find anyone willing to take him on, so I decided to surrender him to the SPCA. The horrible experience I had there changed my mind about this organization. I thought that I could just bring him there and they would understand. Instead, I faced the third degree. I was made to feel like a criminal! I ended up having to lie, saying that I’d found him. They were incredibly judgemental and made me give them the names of any vets I’d been to. I was stupid enough to do that, and they figured out that this animal had been mine because I’d taken him to the vet many. They were very young, so not able to understand difficult life choices that people are sometimes faced with. Now, my other pet has passed away, and I would dearly love to adopt another, but because of thIs situation, I’m not able to. Even though I had decades of responsible experiences with many pets, I’m labeled as a terrible person because I surrendered one animal that I couldn’t take care of.


Hey, my eyes are down

I’ve seen you, and I feel you’ve seen me.. ...

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