I remember being a young woman at UBC who recoiled whenever a young man showed enthusiasm for getting to know me. This was because (1) I was raised in a culture that taught me enthusiasm/excitement = mental illness and (2) I was told for all of my young life that people were only nice to me because everybody makes a good superficial impression, and that criticism and abuse were "authentic" because it was what "the real me" deserved as a "mentally underaged" person. I was told that I was "useless except for an ability to read books and take tests" and that I "did not know how to function in society". No wonder I fell prey to predators who abused my need to be validated. I'm sorry, guys. You didn't do anything wrong. I hope that life didn't jade you as you got older.
Come to think of it, maybe the guys who recoiled when I approached them in good faith were probably struggling with self-worth, too.
My ex and I have had this bizarre connection from the day we met. Like we would say exactly the same thing at the same time, finish each other’s sentences, know what the other one was thinking, etc. It was literally like sharing a brain, and as a result it was an intoxicating feeling at times that made it easier to ignore the bad stuff. So when people ask me now why I still miss them even after all the really bad things that happened that broke my heart, I try to explain that part. I’ve never felt so connected to anyone else in my life, and being away from them, even though I know it’s the right thing, is very difficult. To this day we still share that bizarre connection even though we’re rarely in touch, and sometimes that makes me really sad and that’s when the old “if only” thoughts creep in. But the reality is that I’m not going back to old patterns anymore because I’ve made a promise not to, so “if only” will just have to remain in my heart because my head is finally in charge.
Whenever I mourn the loss of a friend or relative, I realize how idiotic it is to long for someone who is still alive. Even if I'm completely wrong and there's no chance of reconciliation, I set my pride aside, and go see people from the past to say sorry, to let them say sorry, sometimes to be told to go fuck myself, but it makes me feel better. Takes the huge death lump out of my throat. And writing this helps too. Thanks RIP SW.
I'm ready to join and sign me up because I am tired of being on the team that never gets ahead and is always fighting a loosing battle.
Tired I tell you !
I have knowledge that you can use and I can be quite handy and resourceful, given the right tools to work with.
That's right applying for a job.
It's in the vault.
$22 for two pancakes.
I will never return to that restaurant ever. 6 staff floating around chit chatting and 4 customers.
This is too much, how much more rain can I take? I can't take it for 3more weeks let alone 3 months. It feels like a year, what do I do?
A fish takes it for granted that their only existence is in water. One day the fish gets hooked, pulled out of it’s existance into the above and beyond. The fisherman decides it’s not a keeper, throws it back in and the fish swims back to it’s school. “Hey, I just seen what is not water, I’ve seen dry land!” But the other fish are only interested in what was on the hook?
When you call your local MLA for help and they don't even return your call.
Speaks volumes to how bad things are right
now, also says alot about how nobody really cares if you live or die in our society.
As long as the cogs in the wheels keep turning nothing will ever be changed or done.
Am I strong enough to change things ?
This is the question I ask myself everyday.
It would take more than one woman, it would take a village! Hillary Clinton
Most of my family is diabetic. I managed to keep it in check with exercise until covid and then I just didn't go out as much or do as much and now I got diabetes. I'm so ashamed. I just feel so worthless. I wish I was like my friends who were healthy and fit.
I want to dance again.
It's been so long and I feel the need to shake off the rust.
Just dance !
Make my heart sing again.