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This might sound morbid

But I was watching nature YouTube videos. Nature is ruthless and unforgiving. It makes me wonder why people think vegetarianism makes a difference. Animals have horrible deaths. Almost all of them are eaten alive. Meat processing plants are a cake-walk compared to being swallowed whole and having your bones crushed. Can't vegetarians just sort of wake up?

Sometimes

Sometimes I get mad at my kids for doing (or not doing) something my dad (or mom) would have taught me by now. But what I'm really mad at is the fact that my husband appears to not have taught them very much by now, because he doesn't often look up from his computer or phone. I get mad at my kids for something my husband hasn't taught them! That's messed!

No contact

I go through phases with it. Block and unblock. Feeling strong and then weak. Feeling sad but then free. But every time I get weak again I regret it. I unblock and then they reach out. A call or a text. If they catch me in a weak moment I reply and then it starts. Some back and forth and teasing and laughing and then for a brief time my heart fills with hope again. I forget for just a minute about all the other times. So I was weak and I got sucked into that delusional thinking for a few days and then snap! Just like that, the texts stop and no phone calls and it’s clear they were just testing to see if they still had me. But that’s okay. I’m strong enough now to know that what I’m feeling is normal, and I’m not the messed up one who just wants to f*** with someone’s feelings because they need that rush. I’d rather be me any day.

I have a

sister in law who grew up in an abusive Mormon commune on Vancouver Island and in Utah. Her dad was a polygamist who had 6 wives and ditched her mom when she was sick and dying. She claims that after her dad left, she left the church completely. However, pretty much everything about her matches the description of a Mormon woman exactly. She is very obsessive about having as many kids as possible whether or not she can afford to, and makes strange rules about absolutely everything such as what we are allowed to give as gifts and what we are allowed to eat and drink when we get together. She is angry that my brother cannot afford to have her be a stay at home mom, even though she is the one who openly pressured him to have a bunch of kids and get a big house. Lately this anger has resulted in her and a few of her relatives being super rude to me and cutting me off from my nieces and nephews, as I guess she thinks maybe I am the reason she cant afford to have even more kids and stay home with them since my parents gave me the same help with things as my brother. (She felt it should have all gone to them as they are a family and I’m single). She gets my brother to contact me and pretend it’s coming from him whenever she is mad about something, and it’s so obvious she does this because he never used to be so uptight. Or maybe he has converted to Mormonism too without telling his own family of origin. Either way, hoped it wouldn’t come to this but I don’t think I can continue any relationship with them as it’s all just so crazy!

Ugliness

I just found out that someone I thought was a really good friend (we’ve known each other for a really long time) unfriended me for no apparent reason. I’ve been going through a very hard time after a death in my family that hit me really hard. I’ve been super depressed and crying and barely managing to go to work and keep living. I expected that I would at least hear from them in a real way, like a real friend you know? But I didn’t hear from them at all. It really hurts! This is someone that I have always tried to be there for and help out, but I realize now that they don’t care about me at all. I want to say something to them, but then I realize that there’s no point. If they’re so clueless and if they care so little they’ll only feel sorry for themselves and won’t get it at all. And you know what? I confess that I’m so tired of being told to be the bigger person. I’m so done with being expected to understand and tolerate that type of total ugliness in people. I’m sick of giving without getting anything back. I have needs too.

Ex for a reason

Someone is still interested in me and is doing very well in life. He worked hard for his success and he should be proud of himself. He doesn't look as good to me, though. Being away removed the spell he cast, so all his flaws are more obvious... or maybe the real "him" now is. He was a gold digger and in my eyes he still is. And he revealed to be a coward. And has a lazy eye that has gotten worse because he's too vain to correct it. Okay, that's a cheap shot, but ignoring self care isn't attractive; if you don't look after yourself you're unlikely to properly care for anyone else. I don't know what he wants from me, and I don't want to because he treated me terribly. He does every time and always has with great ease. I don't know all of who the real "him" is, but what I do know is that he was and is selfish and deceptive. I also know I'll never see him again because the adoration in my eyes is gone so I can't make him feel good anymore. I gave him plenty of chances and he is incapable of apologizing or making amends, something I won't let go of. I don't understand how someone can yearn for someone they treat so badly. Isn't his wife and career enough? Why does he want me? Doesn't he understand that he drove me away by sending constant pain and misfortune my way? He is perpetually awful to me. Even when he thinks of me, it's to wish harm. How he thinks anyone can want to be around someone who does that needs to see a therapist. I know it doesn't sound like it right now, but I only ever wished him happiness and success and still do. And now, honestly, I mostly wish for him to forget me and be far away because he has proven incapable of giving me anything but pain and misery. Really, I hope he meets anyone else. There's plenty of guys looking for a regular on the down-low and he can easily buy their affection and discretion. I hope he finds one... anyone... so he can finally go away.

Middle age dating

I was never a catch. A dreamer never is. However, in recent years and through unconventional ways I have acquired a house, a car and my career is stable. In the last ten years I had a bout with detox over a 12 month span, but that was the outlier, not the trend. If anything, it IS a skeleton in the closet, rather than a hidden. I read many confessions about women with kids and their struggles. Part of my scenario is similar, my generation seems to get married multiple times and somehow every one they've been in has been abusive(men and women). By the time they're in their 40's it's like they've become teenagers all over again, and partial victims. My parents generation generally seemed to have their shit together by their 40's. The pandemic seems to have crashed things even harder. I own a house so I get lots of people trying to get action, but mostly people who don't pay their bills or something. When you've been married before, when you've had kids, and you still are "finding yourself" in your 40's.... you're the red flag. I was the red flag. born and bred. I acknowledged it about myself. The people who said I wasn't good enough to be married to apparently weren't either

piecing mum together

My mom died eons ago, even if it feels like only this morning. One great aspect about her is she had a heck of a taste for music: Cyndi Lauper, Dido, Jefferson Airplane, Boney M, Stevie Nicks, the whole Practical Magic soundtrack... Her car tape deck was awesome and we memorized everything she played. Well over a decade after her passing, I'm only now getting around to listening to them all again, and in doing so piecing her together to try and understand who she really was. While she may always be Mum to me, a day doesn't go by where I wished I knew her as just a normal person too. So many, many questions I never got to ask dance about my mind. It's only when you become an adult on your own, possibly married with/out kids, that in trying to understand yourself, it dawns on you that you've gotta understand the people who raised you too. All the things you took for granted or even hated as a kid now have incredible meaning, especially when the person(s) you inherited them from are no longer within reach. The moral of my story/confession: please spend as much time as you can with your folks and other elders as much you as you can. Or else, when they're gone and you're left piecing their stories together from memory, or sound in my case, you'll really kick yourself in the pants. And no, I don't mean recording them on your phones. Sit down over coffee and cake, and really listen to them, like we all used to do before social media ever existed. Ask lots of questions. We forget that the people who brought us into the world were once in our boats too. They fell in love, had heart break, held their own philosophical views, went crazy... We as their children just tend to see a facade.

Vegetables? Like what my food eats?

I don't know how to deal with aging parents. I My dad has spent half of the past month and a half in the ICU on 3 separate visits. He has a history of strokes, heart attacks, a bunch of major surgeries, and he's running on about a quarter of a heart. And yet he REFUSES to eat anything remotely healthy. I think it's some sort of macho, political-alignment based stance that I am certain is killing him, and I realize it is his life, but it affects everyone else who has to take care of him... he's almost a vegetable. I came back home to help during this time of hospitalizations... and I feel bad about it but I'm going to fly back across the planet soon and leave him to the ruination of his health, and let my mom deal with him.

Another dating "confession"

People here in Vancouver take things too seriously, trying to dress to impress or save the world, going after the almighty dollar to gain status, use social media for approval from others, get offended easily at stupid stuff like words that aren't used perfectly in people's particular picky world, we are moralistic, get triggered over Bud Light advertising etc (just using that as a example) we are always looking for the perfect person to fit our world for approval, I know I'm rambling on but perhaps people should try for long distance dating...for for someone in Tulsa Oklahoma or Baltimore Maryland or Lyons France or Rio de Janeiro Brazil or Grande Prairie Alberta lol

I SAW YOU

Bar at the Westin Bayshore

You were by yourself at H tasting lounge bar inside the Westin Bayshore hotel. You had the...

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