Search confessions

Dude or No Dude?

This bothers me, but I'm not sure why .So here is my tail of woe: For about the last 10 years or so, p eople i don't know and some i do..,will say something like this- " The Dude" ! " you look like the dude"! At first i didn't have a clue who The "Dude" was, as i had not seen" The Big Lebowski". At that time, there was no internet or anything, so i could not find something about the " Dude". It still happens, men ,women, total strangers, have said this to me. Now, of course i know the movie " The Big Lebowski "( ive still never seen it) but, i dont know if its a good thing or a bad thing, when somebody says that to me. I really don't. Something happened 8 or 9 years ago. I wont go into details, but i did think " Do women like the Big Lebowski"? I STILL dont know what to think , when i hear it.. Maybe im just sick of it and need a haircut or something, ...then it happens again. I confess as im getting older, i dont think i want to be called the Big Lebowski anymore Lol

Crazy Plant Man

I am not a crazy cat lady. Evens cats are too much responsibility for me. I am what you might call a crazy plant man. I have many plants, and the number only goes up. I spend a fair bit of time acquiring them, watering, repotting, propagating, moving around ito sunlight. It seems healthy to me, but to outsiders I might seem like a crazy plant man. Some people have kids, friends, pets. I have my plants, and not much else. It gives me something to do, something to watch, maybe even something to live for.

Not listening

If I’m reading a book or trying to write, and you talk at me without having anything important to say, I will absolutely NOT engage with you. For what reason are you bothering me? I’m obviously trying to read, please leave me alone. This is how people start becoming homebodies, these experiences make me not want to go outside.what part of my actions are inviting you to bother me? I confess: I’m sick of it! Oh on another note too, I notice this since I read in cafes a lot but MEN, LISTEN UP. Leave the poor baristas and cashiers alone. It’s so painfully awkward watching dude after dude try their lines when these girls are paid to smile, but their faces and body language speak loudly as to how uncomfortable they are. (Ladies I know how it feels, I had a few stalkers when I worked in a cafe. Keep your conversations with any private details quiet and private, this is the best advice I have to offer you).

I Used To Think Of Myself As An Actor

but I don't anymore. I came to the realization that I was pursuing something more out of validation than passion. This was some time ago and I have since come to terms with it. I continue to act professionally but I now define myself as an artist rather than an actor. I am driven to create in many aspects of my life, not for recognition, but because of an honest desire to create. This has also opened up a willingness to collaborate that was missing in my creativity. I feel like a burden has been taken from me. I realize that it is just a shift in perspective, but it has done wonders for my sense of well being and place in the world. I hope that letting go of something that I was clinging to, so desperately, at great personal cost will finally allow me to leap into the abyss only to find my wings and soar.

working two jobs

I'm not getting enough hours at my current job so I decided to get a second job on the side. It's been helping me a lot more with my income and reliving that I have something to fall back on.


I'm kind of realizing..I'm an entitled small minded self centred pos? Snowflakes maybe aren't the problem? Damn..all these years...

What the Fuck!

At work a woman who I admire said I was too loud and she moved away from me for the day. I decided to be the bigger person and wrote her a note apologizing. Then she later said in private that she thought I was too loud and I apologized again. She then went on to say something else she thought was wrong with me and I just walked away. How can someone complain about you and when you apologize for it they hit with another thing? How is this a healthy work place. I have never wanted to retract my apology to someone as that one. And I want to quit. Fuck that job!

... you're welcome???...

The other day I crossed paths with a former HR manager. She wanted to know how I was doing with my stage 4 cancer. Me, "same old-same old, still going down the rabbit hole." HR Manager, "Well, it's good seeing you again. Another lady at work has cancer, we learned a lot from our HR mistakes with you. I guess this makes you a pioneer, for this type of issue." Me, "umm...You're welcome?" The traffic light changes and we go our separate ways. ... I still dislike HR...


Someone who used to be a close friend gradually (over a period of years) cut me out of their life with no explanation. I know they're not doing well now and I know that's been the case for some time, although really, there's a lot I don't know given that they stopped answering my texts a long time ago (eventually I just stopped trying), and at some point, removed me from their social media. The weird part is that they still have people they only know through me as facebook friends... Some of these people will mention them to me, as if I should know what's going on in their life, but they've cut me off, so I know less than these other people do. Apparently they're now getting to be in a fairly desperate place financially, but I... don't really feel bad for them? And that makes me feel guilty. I think where they're at now is the result of a number of bad decisions they made... but then I feel guilty for being judgmental. Maybe it's mostly coming from a place of hurt, or maybe it's that there's just not much point in feeling sorry for people who want to be rescued and don't want to do anything to help themselves.

I challenged myself and feel great about it - Join me!

About 2 years ago I turned my ringer off and left it off. I only turn it on if I know I'm waiting for an important call or something of that nature. I return your phone calls while I am at home or if it's important enough to call from where I am at the time. If you called me 3hrs ago you may be waiting a bit longer til I'm done what I'm doing. Same goes for text messaging, but that works differently while I'm out or busy. I never needed a cell phone while I was out and about back in the day so I know that I can go without one now or at lease carry it while on silent. I will admit a cellphone does come in handy for maps and transit info as well as price checking while in a store. There are good things you can use a connected cellphone for. I get that I can't completely cut it out of my life, but I can sure restrict myself from using it. I gotta say, I love that my ringer is off and that I am more aware of what is around me while I am out. I wouldn't change my decision if I had the chance to.


Langara Parking

I was looking for the parking lot Yvonne and we discussed dinner. Shall we make it happen? Shawn

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