Confessions

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The fuck was that?!

So I go to McDonald's and the guy? serving me has makeup and hair like zippy the pinhead then glares at me with defiance. Give me a break. Today

I was on her jock, yes indeedy I wrote graffiti on the bus

She had character, but would only show a little of it. She felt as though she was not like the rest of us normal citizens (and she was right). She had so much character and so much inner beauty, that if she showed it to us freely without restriction, we would have all knelt and sworn our allegiance to her – the goddess of spring – or died from heart attacks if we were not in top physical form. I wrote to her and told her stories: about the time I slept with the Gorilla in the Mist, the time I hit my head on the rock, the time I saw the sloth rolling around on a beach with a jellyfish, the time I was picked up by the neck and thrown across a room, the time I saw eyes that were so captivating that I could cry, and about the time a 1 out of 8 billion chance passed me by. She has one of the Great Sage Son Oh Gong's golden-gaze fiery-eyes.

It feels so much less tense

And I've starting gleaning much better info about who's been fucking with my accounts that was in 30 minutes of getting off the bus I'm just not sure what to do about his twisted sick fucking ass yet. I'll be inventive, Walter White type shit smart, swift and effective!

Ownership.

When I was 20 and saw a couple I would be sad and think: Wow! How come I cannot get one? Now that I am 40 (and had a few failed relationships) I see couples and it is disturbing to me. It just screams out: Hand Off! I OWN HER SHE OWNS HIM. Fuck all that bullshit. I wish we lived in a world where we could all fuck each other and not have all this ownership crap. He cannot talk to other women she cannot look at other guys. We have been bought and sold that relationships and marriages last forever and fuck off cause most of them do not. It would be great to live in A Brave New World (minus the poor area in the novel) That is my confession.

My buddy.

He has autism and he pays for escorts once a month because he cannot get a girlfriend. But the weird part is that he pays to give oral to these women. 75 per cent decline. It seems to defeat the purpose. The point of paying for sex is that the Man gets to be pleased (oral for him) not the other way around. There are tons of women that don't even have guys who like to do that to their girlfriends. He should just get a girlfriend.

I wonder what happened to her?

I can't remember when it was but sometime between the years of 2004 and 2006 I was biking to a friends place in Kits from my place on Main St. I biked between 6th and Heather and 6th and Willow. There used to be a video store and a grocery store on the corner. I was biking and heard "Help." "Help Me" I stopped and got off my bike and walked to see a woman on the ground and she had fallen and could not get up. No one was around. I ran in the grocery store and asked the staff to call 911. The police arrived and took her to the hospital. The police asked for my name and number and I was in a hurry and did not give it to them. I wonder what happened to her. I wonder if anyone in her family was happy I did that. I was broke and jobless. Maybe I should have left my name. If anyone reads this and knows of this incident (or family) it would be nice to connect. That is my confession.

I'm secretly hoping my downstairs neighbour reads Confessions.

Impossible to sleep in at my place. Balcony season is year-round for her shouting into her cell with a cigarette all hours of the day or night. She also drones on, in her loud raspy voice about her miserable life to LIVE "hostages" in one-sided conversations. Forget about using my balcony and I even have to keep windows closed because of smoke smell. She's the worst, but the rest of the building isn't far behind. And now that pot is legal, I won't have to worry about buying my own!

Palm Trees and Pools

"Calling energetic women, nb, gnc + trans folk to the front to join our board." It's great that Canadian organizations are supporting so many different groups. I fully wish for equal rights for everyone as well. But I think y'all have equality confused. Year after year, seeing opportunities GIVEN to everyone but me because I'm from the historically privileged race, sex, sexuality - I have had to adapt my dreams. But as The Rock says of his football career "It's the best thing that never happened to me."

Co workers

I must confess no matter how many years I work in my current environment I cannot get used to the fact that a certain portion of the staff are not well educated enough to actually qualify for the jobs they are being paid to do. Many of them have been hired in the past by having friends or neighbors or spouses or whoever in this large organization (non profit, services sector). We have scholarships and mentors aplenty but these sneaky illicit money grubbers refuse to give in, sneering at the hard won academic credentials and work done by others if they do not like their style or opinion. preferring to bitch about their lack of opportunity, rather than do the work necessary to do the certificates or diplomas or degrees whatever. So these are also the people who are most vocal and active at work in manipulation of positions, also they are whiners and complainers for whom nothing is ever good enough, or to their taste. They just are there for the money. There are even a few who think they are reincarnated from the past and they milk that for all its worth with the supernatural freaks. Charmers one and all. There are also those who often have neurotic issues but kiss ass really really well. (sigh) oh well another day another dollar, another week closer to retirement (pointing to the calendar).

I am unable to read or connect with people

I'm pretty sure I'm borderline on-spectrum. I can barely start and can't maintain a relationship to save my life because I have no idea what anyone's intentions and reactions are, and can't express myself in a clear manner. Does someone have genuine interest in me? Romantically? For Friendship? To use me and feed their own ego? Fucked if I know. So I either sit and wait and pray for some clear sign, hoping that they'll make some first move (surprise! women HATE to make the first move and most refuse to do so!) and things just die, or I try to make an effort that apparently just becomes too much because I can't read how they react and I'm never told what they REALLY want. I'm too accommodating. Too forward. Too sweet. Too intense. Not intense enough. Too open. Too closed. Too amazing. Too everything and not enough everything all at the same time. I know I don't deserve happiness because any time I think I might be I'll just ruin it anyways. Self cock block. This is my confession: I'm done. bye.

I SAW YOU

Black motorbikes riding down 12th

We rode and chatted down 12th ave. Hit me up if you want to ride longer. ...

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