Confessions

POST A CONFESSION

Search confessions

The strong friend

I'm "the strong friend". The one who seems to have it all together, to never lose their shit, to always be a pillar. Little do my friends know, I am deeply emotionally traumatized, and I've never been given the chance to open up about it, especially because of said emotional trauma, this is as close to opening up as I'll ever be. And what they really don't know is, without their friendship, and without feeling like a pillar that is needed in their life, I'd probably off myself. I think about my friends who rely on me and it keeps me going. I could never let them down. The thought of leaving them or hurting them in such a way is far more disgraceful than my view on my own life. How crazy is that?

Here's one

I'm in love with a little Bengali cleaning lady who walks by my house every day, and she with me.

Not true

Living on my own means I have all the time in the world to do whatever I want, right? Nope. Living on my own means I have twice as much to do, for myself, than if I lived with family. If I don’t do everything for myself, it doesn’t get done.

I'm lookin' for work right away

I'm not waiting three months when EI expires and everyone is rushing to REALLY get a job. It's gonna be mayhem then. I'm guessing 20% isn't even that unrealistic for unemployment when a once in a lifetime event like this happens. It has been higher... why wouldn't it hit those peaks this time around?

The Truth Is

I hate kids and 'breeders' because the woman I wanted to have children with didn't seem to want me back.

Ready to pounce

Oh my gosh when this quarantine is over I am going to spring out into the world and seek romance and adventure! I will be full of lust and will be out smiling at cute guys, hopefully someone will talk to me.

Barf

I'm sorry but they are all so cheesy. Those manufactured wedding photos, where you and your partner are gazing lovingly at each other with the most perfect smiles and makeup and lighting at sunset oh come on! Maybe I am just a grumpy cynic, but it just seems so fake to me! I mean what is that one, take number 15?

Recovery

I don't know if I could have recovered from addiction a year ago if these were the circumstances coming out of the hospital. In person appointments and meetings, basic walks to buy and make food when roommates were at work, were 95% of the recovery the first 2 or so months. Even now, I'm wary of myself, under good conditions. I'm not sure it would be possible under lockdown conditions.

yuck

I took someone out to dinner once and she was supposed to be a friend but after she ate she went into the bathroom and threw up, having ordered and eaten enough for two people. She does not know that I walked into the bathroom just as she was quietly (experienced barfer) throwing up but she was embarrassed as she came out of the stall, I had merely gone in to void my bladder and was astonished that she never explained the barfing. I realized at the end of the visit that she was likely bolemic because people in their right mind do not go out to dinner, eat a huge meal, and then go to throw up.

I’m sorry but...

I feel like I’m watching a person completely losing their mind. It’s so sad to see, but now, especially now, I really can’t do anything about it. I am in a high risk category and so are they. They have been coping (very badly) with many very stressful situations for some time, many of which are a direct result of their own behaviour. It’s been very difficult to continue being their friend, because they are so totally self-absorbed that it’s exhausting being around them. Since this quarantine situation has been happening, I’ve not seen them, but they’ve been active on social media. Posting increasingly bizarre rants about how other people are handling this pandemic. It is really sad. I would like to call them but I know from past experience how they react when anyone says anything they disagree with. They just rant even more, so convinced are they that they’re the only one that’s right. I’m doing my best to remain positive in the face of my own multiple challenges over the past few years, and I really don’t feel able to deal with theirs. But watching them completely implode in such a public way is like watching a car speeding towards a cliff. You know how it’s going to end and there’s nothing you can do about it.

I SAW YOU

Hey, my eyes are down

I’ve seen you, and I feel you’ve seen me.. ...

More on straight.com