I’ve been unable to fall asleep until 3 or 4am, and sleeping until noon. This is so unlike me! I don’t know why....even when I exercise a lot it happens. I lie there and I can’t stop thinking “I can’t believe this is happening.” Until I finally conk out. I know this is a terribly unhealthy and weird schedule to be on.
The only places that make sense to me right now are walking trails in the trees. The simplicity of bird song and rain drops hitting leaves. Nature is where I can recover. For when I go back indoors, Zoom meeting and meetups are all performative, people talk about things I have a hard time wrapping my head around like wanting to travel and self development, and they are just a click away from Covid stats like 1 person dying every 33 seconds in California. I am way happier with the dirt and rocks and rain. Otherwise the cognitive dissonance gives me headaches.
My husband just told me that the day we went to the hospital thinking we'd lost our baby two years ago, he was emailing his ex as I was in the emergency room alone being told there was no heart beat. Why on earth he decided to tell me this now I have no idea. Thankfully we're going our separate ways. If his goal was to hurt me, it worked. I'm angry but all that matters is our baby girl survived and she's my world. Trying to get it out of my head though and it's tough. I'm angry.
my hair, cut all my ties with any people I know in town. Just giving up.
I msg’d a group that my frail mom’s best friend died of Covid. Not one person said anything. No condolences, no sorry to hear that, no virtual hugs, just radio silence with crickets. If you want to peer into someone’s soul and see what’s really there, go direct. I don’t feel any connection to any of these people now from the zero lack of feeling and no desire to ever “meet for drinks” in post-pandemic times.
Since December- July i was dating a man I believe was true to his words. Long story short, he was a player.Amazingly I got pregnant I tried to let him know he laughed it off. I discovered his lies and broke it off. Baby was born and I sent him a notification and pic.
No response. I expected that. I am not asking for support of any kind from him. No acknowledgement. Have a I done my due diligence? Is there more I should do? My only worry is if my son will think so...
And so when I visited Van a couple of years ago and he was hospitalized I visited him several times thinking my visit might do him some good. He was a partner of my deceased friend and is now married. I have not heard from him since. Altho I now realize he or his now husband no longer truly wanted to associate with me I still care for him and think about him a lot.
back in the day me and 2 friends ate window pane acid and then we sang in a high school chorus concert. the music teacher looked like the devil. and then we got a case of beer went to dave's house and laughted.
I am at the pub
But no one wants company
COVID is dreadful
We used to chat here
We used to meet new people
This pandemic sucks
I want a Lager
But all they have is cocktails
I am very sad
This must be quite bad
If I am writing Haikus
What happened to pubs
Awhile ago, my former friend said she broken up with her girlfriend, and started to keep her distance from me, and avoided to have much communication with me. I care about the friendship so I approached her about it. I understand when people break up they withdraw and start to evaluate people around them. I apologized to her because sometimes I unintentionally can come across negative. I told her that I care about her. Anyways, she said it wasn't personal and she's going through grief. During my birthday, while I was driving, I saw her with "her ex" all happy together. I really don't care they're together. I just wish that former friend told me the truth that she's avoiding me because she doesn't want to continue our friendship. Anyways, I am glad to see the truth and sadly accept the friendship is now over.