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I do wonder if, when you Unfollow, Remove Connection, or Block on social media, if that person feels it on some level. Because when you Follow, Add Connection, and Allow, you do feel joy. Therefore the opposite must be true as well. This is for all those that I unwaveringly supported over the last few years, going out of my way to prop them up. When it comes down to it, really comes down to it, life really is like the Squid Game, where you betray everyone to advance yourself.

I want to go swimming in December

But I will probably not because it is cold. It is hard to overcome the impulse to be lazy and stay at home eating good comfort food like chicken.

Just for once

Can I meet someone whose view of their ex(s) is not "cheating, abusive, crazy or deadbeats"

Going in circles

One of my favourite changes in technological times was when tv Chanels stopped "going off air" the sound of the buzzzzzz, or the weird off air that would wake me up always bothered me. For years it went away with 24 hour channels and recently they went back. And before the "I cut my cable or don't watch tv" peeps chime in, tell it to your bazillion streaming channels you have and glued to you phones 24-7.

Nobody Ever

Nobody ever give me Lunchables! Nobody ever give me Caprisun Surfer Cooler! Nobody ever give me fun size snack! ARRGGHHHH!!!

I spent my 11th birthday in the Civic

Cus I lied about a stomach ache to get out of school. Cus the creepy new kid next door kept calling to walk to school with me. While in the hospital I'd listen to my transistor radio at night with my ear jack. Sugar sugar and Holly holy. I was placed in the children's ward for lack of other beds

Sick of drunks

I confess that I’m losing my patience having to be around too many drunks. I have compassion. I know they’re sick. Two of them are relatives and they’re both good people with kind hearts. But they’re completely obnoxious to be around. They’re loud and clueless about how their behaviour affects the people around them. They’re both flat broke and mooch off of the rest of us and spend what little money they do have on booze and cigarettes. They’re constantly in some kind of trouble that the rest of us end up having to deal with. Rarely have I ever heard either of them acknowledge their own responsibility for the state of their lives; it’s always someone else’s fault. So right now I’m fed up. I don’t want to be around them. I’m sick of listening to their drunken rants and I’m sick of cleaning up their messes, literally and figuratively. I wish I could just walk away and wash my hands of the both of them. But, I love them and I feel trapped by that.

She wants a quiet life

Which sounds perfect to me. I just want to pamper her, love her, cook for her and most of all comfort her and make her smile that little smile that melts my heart. I wish she believed me when I say she eclipses all women. I'm so sad.

I saw

The Lat Duel and the misogynistic attitudes in the film actually reminded me a lot of my own family and attitudes I’ve come across as an unmarried woman. Could it be that we are still quite medieval?

Cautiously getting festive.

Maybe it's all the grumpy people. Maybe it's the down pouring rain. Maybe it's that there's been so much loss for so many this year, that my massive loss doesn't feel alone with it. But I had a very thanks giving. A little chicken and rice a roni by myself. My room mates each had thanks givings by themselves. I stock shelves right now instead of my glory days, but I stock Halloween Candy. I stock Christmas stuff. I got this job as a side hustle to not spend time alone. Yesterday I was at a training session and the person my company made me car pool with(not reimbursed or nothing either) turned out to be my age and listen to the same music I do. I am surrounded by sad and grumpy and burnt out people, but unlike last winter where the spark fading from crashing down from a top a mountain, the spark in people is glowing. Every one has seemingly had their a** kicked recently. Maybe it is family. maybe it is covid. maybe it is that they worked so much, they did not get isolated but are now burnt out. whatever the case, the spirt in me in flickering brighter than I could have imagined. facing lonely head on in a society full of sad, may make this holiday season something special.


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