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Surgeries

I've had two pending surgeries put on hold indefinitely - one for my heart and one for a benign (90% chance, not confirmed) tumour in a tricky spot. The heart situation was a long time coming but they didn't want to operate until it was absolutely necessary, despite the decline in my quality of life. Now, I don't know when either surgery will take place and I'm scared that my heart's going to give out before the COVID situation eases up and the hospitals start re-scheduling surgeries. It's not their fault, I'm not blaming the hospitals or my surgeons at all - they're doing their best in an impossible situation and I'm so grateful for their dedication. I'm just reeling from all the anxiety; trying to keep it together for my family is taking most of my energy.

No fun Bobby

Not his real name....but the scenario is the same. He used to drink. Sometimes a bit too much, but mostly it was ok. Then he completely stopped. He became so incredibly boring and judgmental. (Nothing worse than a reformed drinker or smoker) . The only time that he showed any kind of love and affection was when he was loosened up by alcohol. It was so nice to hear him say that he loved me! It’s awful when you really wish that the person that you love would drink more. .

The hardest thing

When you finally meet someone that seems to completely “get” you, but then they turn out to be a selfish jerk! I wish I could just accept it and move on, but it’s so hard to ignore all the great stuff. For my whole life I’ve wished to find someone who sees the natural world like I do. I finally found him, but he also happened to be completely self-absorbed, lacked empathy, and truly believed he is “god’s gift” to women. (Yes he actually said that.) it’s so incredibly hard to turn my back on all of that just to save myself from being completely taken advantage of. Sometimes love really does suck!

Just a thought...

I find it particularly amusing that people are already going stir crazy from having to stay at home in light of the current situation we're all facing. There's still family you can talk to, internet to browse, etc. Having spent years working at sea for months at a time, I find it funny how people cant handle the isolation. Imagine : no phone, internet access and limited to nil mail service, seeing the same 20 faces each day. Some perspective for you snowflakes.

Pot in the apocalypse

Me: *clears throat* Everyone: *freaks out* Chill people. Not everyone coughing is sick. I’m just a stoner clearing my throat. Be safe :)

Radio Silence

At a time like this, I would have thought that my friends and acquaintances would check in more or at least reply to my text messages and emails. That hasn't been the case at all. There's no way they're super busy right now. So they're either not doing well enough to reach out/reply, or they don't care about me. Or maybe they just don't like me at all. In an already scary and saddening situation, all of those scenarios are making me want to crawl into a hole. I feel alone and worried — for everyone and for myself.

Crazy world

With everything going on in the world, I still wouldn’t date someone who smokes cigarettes!

Is It Just Me?

I starting to loose respect for friends. Long time, old friends. What the hell are people doing.. "I was really bored so, so and so picked me up and we're together for a few days and then maybe I'll go home for a bit and we'll do it again next week" Oh and I may have had C19, but that was like a week ago. These are the people that are going to go first, I think. Like these people who just can't quarantine because they are bored, I'm loosing all respect for them. Do they not understand what is happening?

Taking it easy

Some acquaintances have, in the last few years, decided to take it easy ie work part time jobs, or no job and just live off savings, or try and set up their homes where they receive revenue with renters. Now pretty much off of these people have ZERO income coming in, with zero chance of EI. Aside from taking out a bank loan or living off credit cards, I have no idea how they are going to make it through this economic shut-down.

DIY

Trying to keep things light while staying at home - revisiting old hobbies I haven't touched for a bit and researching new DIY projects. So, yes, at this point I think I need an 8-foot giant squid pillow for the couch - of patterned cloth, felt, in bright colours - handmade by myself. It may not be practical but it will keep things sane.

I SAW YOU

Hey, my eyes are down

I’ve seen you, and I feel you’ve seen me.. ...

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