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Mature consumption

I've come to the conclusion that some content -- books, films, documentaries, historical events -- should only be consumed when you reach a level of emotional and experiential maturity to appreciate it. Sometimes you've gotta re-consume the same thing over again multiple times at different points in your life, and you never absorb it the same way twice. I just watched a whole documentary about Pol Pot and the Cambodian Genocide, followed by another about North Korea's deadly Arduous March. Were I to have watched either as a kid (my parents were pretty lax about censorship), I admit I wouldn'tve understood a darn thing. I'm now in my 40s and shaken to the bone. The same goes for reading Fahrenheit 451 - and the Bible, and for researching the skeletons in my family's closet... etc. We live in an age where content is out the open like an Egyptian bazaar. I'm all for access to it all, but really, age does really make so many things relative/relevant. Also, the ability to discern good from bad quality content is getting ever more harder, yet it's so essential to helping us become better quality people.

A little dog...

I saw my ex today walking the dog they gifted me. I chose not to see the dog after we parted ways. My ex partner was walking with someone else. They did not see me. I stood in the corner of my building, watching the scene unfold. The apparition ended some 30 seconds later, as they were out of sight. I got home and noticed tears streaming down my face. I miss that little dog. No, I don't miss my ex, not comparing myself with the other person, not jealous, not wishing them any ill. I hope a little strand of my longing has reached out to my little doggie...to let him know that I still love him, even though he does not see me.

I think it's lost

I got rejected. In my head at least, this was THE relationship for me. The rejection was crushing. Absolutely devasting. So I didn't get over it. I really thought I would get over it eventually... I mean that is what a normal person does, right? I tried the whole being with others to forget the 'one' thing, but after a decade or so instead my capacity to feel just faded. Maybe it's just aging as well, and it has allowed me to focus more on work and creative pursuits, and I still sometimes check on the person (virtually), but it feels like it's too late for my dream.

I dreamed about you last night again

It always seems so effortless and easy when we're together. No bs from the past just happy purposeful contentment. Can two lost souls actually complete each other's circles in life?

What's your rumor?

What are the most ridiculous rumors you've heard about yourselves? Let's hear them! Go for it! Here's one about me. People in my office often wondered how I got to work early just because I lived in the back of the building. So they assumed I was some homeless person living in the bushes and hedges.

I don't care

Whenever I see people on Hinge that write inane things in their profiles, I just make of them. One weirdo bragged about her un godly obsession with dad bods and beards, so I messaged her first with one word. "Why?" And then another demands that her future boyfriend "Must follow Christ." So then I said, "Whether you believe in God or Mother Nature is nobody's business but your own." I just call them out. Of course I may get criticized but it doesn't bother me.

People think I shouldn’t do this but

but I’m 22 and I’m dating a 48 year old man. Its the best relationship I have ever been in and I have never felt so loved and appreciated. The looks we get in public always bother me though, the subtly passive aggressive comments get to me. People don’t know my life, they don’t know my story. Maybe I’ll feel differently in the future but my mistakes are mine to make, and if I am old enough to make my own decisions in every other realm of my life then why does anyone feel the need to comment on my romantic choices? If it hurts me in the future then it’s my pain to endure anyway, I don’t need society to save me from mistakes I may or may not make. Please, dear god, keep your comments and your stares to yourself.

It won’t last forever

That’s the truth of life right there - whatever it is will change. You can have looks and charm and that can get you lots of attention when you’re young, but if you don’t develop something else along the way, like actual character, you’ll find yourself confused and lonely when you’re in your senior years. All those guys I know who spent most of their lives partying and avoiding growing up at all costs are struggling now. They either never got married or they just fooled around too much and got dumped. Now they don’t have the looks anymore and the young women don’t want them and the ones their own age are too smart to fall for their bs. They ruined their livers with too much partying, and they were too busy f’ing around to go to school for a real education, so now they’re uneducated and the world has left them behind. One of my buddies is a poster child for this kind and hanging around with him now is painful. He looks shell shocked like he never saw it coming even though the signs have been there for a long time but he refused to change. I know it isn’t just guys who do this because I know a woman who always just got by on her looks too, until they faded and now she looks kind of desperate too. I guess what I’m trying to say is that beauty is nice but it’s the inner beauty that makes the person worthy.

Wild Geese and poetry

I don’t know what it means to be a man. Maybe that’s a good thing. I’d prefer to learn what it means to be a person. In the past I’ve noticed a lot of confusing messages and societal pressures to be and do specific not necessarily healthy or personally affirming and attuned things. When I see pictures of men beside women they appear overdressed, almost like they are repressed, uncomfortable in their bodies and I feel sad. I’d be heart warmed to see men embrace their bodies as everyone else is. Yet, maybe I have to start with myself and figure out what such a thing would look like for me. Embracing and understanding sexuality and how unique and special it can be.

Really worried..

My girlfriend told me she caught her husband sending a photo (just his face)of himself to someone. She said she was so caught off guard that she hasn’t said anything yet. She asked me if I thought it could be innocent…I did not.

I SAW YOU

Bar at the Westin Bayshore

You were by yourself at H tasting lounge bar inside the Westin Bayshore hotel. You had the...

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