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Some people feel like small towns. Spend a day with them and you feel like you’ve known them your whole life. It’s a comfortable familiar luxury these days. To belong, to know, and to be known. Some say this city is a small town. I suppose it depends on the circles you run in. I’m still looking for that sense of belonging here.

Oops, I yelled.

I yelled at my sisters girlfriend when I was desperately in need of help. It felt impossible to control and was on the phone. She refused to help me in my distress after that. I lost my housing, ID that are irreplaceable and more. I can't see a future for myself and wish people would say "come home", "you're welcome here", and "we'll keep you safe as you age". I don't think I can replace my ID. I did a stupid thing and actually added convictions on the "do you have any convictions" when I did NOT have any while extremely self-deprecatingly ill. I don't know how to cope alone anymore.

Good riddance

So I checked my Facebook inbox this morning and received messages from somebody that I knew in high school. I don’t contact anyone from high school these days. My life is hectic. Anyhow, that person said hello and all that, but then I noticed they started ranting over pointless bullshit that happened between them and some other people in the past. When I told that person to stop obsessing, get a life and just learn to let things go, they took it to heart and got into a rage with me. Unfortunately, I had no choice but to block them. It sucks to have to block people on social media but when you run into people that are just far gone, that’s the only way they’ll ever learn. Then again, who am I kidding? Leopards don’t change their spots. Some people are just too old to change. Oh well, good riddance.

Bad judge behaviours

I need help very badly. I need someone to take over protecting me at home. I got mail from a judge saying I had to confess to things by law. RCMP came to see me from another province saying I have to confess to things on paper - I was sick in the head when this is happened. I can't control or screen my mail. I have never purposely hurt someone. I threw out my ID in the garbage because I was irrationally scared of it. It can't be replaced. Multiple judges are making me say that I have not done. They write down and say "You will only not get in trouble if you confess!". I feel so vulnerable and so scared. I can't believe two male judges have done this to me. I don't trust them at all. I will run out if money eventually and be homeless. I hate judges now. How is this possibly legal?!? I was mentally ill when they did this to me. I am rendered disabled. I need help and supervision at home so I don't screw myself over. I can't believe they get away with this. I wish there was a spare bedroom somewhere I could stay in forever so I could be safe. I am worried I will die as a result of this type of bullying. Soon, I won't have any legal ID when it expires. I need a safer place to live where people know I am safe but won't have the quality of life others do. I need help. I need protection. I need these assholes to stop making me say things and telling me I'm terrible out of context. I feel harmed. I can't stop them. They want to destroy me and have. Where is the social crowd in Vancouver to helps people overcome this? Who says "Whatever, stay home!", and "We will take care of you". I can't believe ive lost my special ID, home, opportunities. I feel so unsafe and so misunderstood. I need a better option than what has happened. I need them to stop enjoy screwing people over. I need a new home where their mail won't find me. I hear them laughing as I cry. They forced me to say I'm guilty and I don't feel that I am.

In the Wind

I see it in rare photos of myself. A part of me looks absent. I wonder what it will take to coax me back. Out from the panic room or wherever I might be in my mind.

Masking heartbreak

Moving through a dumping too quickly P Maybe there is an alternate universe where we work out Forever floating effortlessly in our blow up boat across Harrison lake A summer that swallowed us whole, sugar and salt to the tongue When you pampered the skin of my thighs, painfully aware Of the potential threat of the sun on milk-like skin The colour red was soft to me then, and laughing took longer Things we yearned to experience were moments we earned Rain or parking tickets or mould a slim infraction to our days I still love you and I don’t think I ever plan on stopping

Dating Today

So I messaged this really cute guy on a dating website and he didn't even reply. He was tall, good looking, and loves hiking. So this guy doesn't even message me back and on the messaged tab it says he read it but didn't even reply. Online dating is awful because the guys that message you aren't worth your time and the ones you message are jerks.

Glad to get old enough to have problems

A bunch of people I know have died too young in the past few years.Some people think they should be healthy forever but I have always said I am glad to get old enough to have problems. The alternative sucks! I am embracing my aging and all the “bad” stuff that goes on (vision, hearing, knee replacement, libido changes, hair loss…and the list goes on!).

Don’t be a line up A-HOLE

So sick of people who are further back in line and when a new til opens, these entitled, narcissistic a-holes gladly accept the opportunity to butt in front of all the people who have been waiting in line for far longer than them. This happens all the time and also when it comes to taking the bus. C’mon, people. Are we all eight years old now?

Slowing Down

I’ve been diagnosed with early onset dementia. I’m in my early 30s. I used to be so worried about certain milestones but now..I’m just…I don’t know. It feels surreal. It’s crazy how my priorities shifted. I’m just focused on doing the things I want to be doing. And finally making progress on things I kept putting off for years. I was always searching for my life’s purpose, so this is such a weird reality check. The impermanence of life. I have only told a couple of close friends and one of them is having a hard time understanding. Which is weird because I start to reassure her, meanwhile I don’t even know how to comes to terms with it myself. Hug your loves ones tighter.


Tall n Bald at Poirier Gym

Somebody tell me you’re single! You’re a tall, strong fellow, a regular at Poirier around 9am....

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