When people with coffee stains on their teeth ask me for a third and fourth refill while staring at me all wide eyed and quivering it makes me want to pour it over their head.
* disclaimer - before you start with the "dont let the door hit you" shit, i'm leaving because my industry is, not because im saying "fuck you, vancouver" or my own failures *
vancouver has been home for 20 years for me and the countdown is on until my departure.. a culmination of circumstances led me to make the hard call take a really good job offer in a city i once used to live.
theres a lot of things i'm going to miss and lot of things that im not going to miss. not going to be fooled by any grass is greener stuff but its going to be good to leave. i cant really talk about it to the people with families that are hanging on by their fingernails, but everyone i talk to who has left confides that there is a certain darkness and depression that vancouver has. they're just letting me in on it now. (besides all the awful politics of real estate and homelessness)
the flakes are certainly showing their true colours now that the clock is ticking.
this last season has been one of the lowest points in my life and im looking forward to a change in lifestyle and habits, meeting new people, exploring more culture and places, doing the things that i am good at besides just working all the time and actually dating again.
i will come back once a year in september, my favourite month here. then i will still see all the people i only saw once a year anyway.
Yesterday while passing through a busy place, somewhere I pass through regularly, I noticed a busker who I recognized as the ex of someone I used to know. He lied to this person about his sexual history and his HIV status, and transmitted the virus to them. He also tried to hook up with me, lying again about his status, not knowing that I knew. While I don't want to promote criminalization of HIV, I don't know that I would mind if he were prosecuted. Perhaps that's what it would take to make him stop lying to prospective sexual partners.
I let my dog poop on the lawns of all the brand new empty houses that displaced my neighbours. Let the real estate devils pick it up.
He only comes over when I pay him tom but at least we see each other regularly.
To say goodbye to this chapter in my life.
Its been a long time coming, with many self realizations, true revelations and some reality checks, also the knowledge to move forward with your own goals and dreams.
Closure is a bit sad but its also a time for renewal.
It is never really closed when it comes to family.
Because you always love them, but you love yourself too.
See Ya Around?
I miss Vancouver but I'd need to clear 1500$ a week to make a go of things. It's getting like that right across the country. We should build another city in Camada and call it Paradise. A refuge for people who can't afford other cities. Rent would be 500 a month for a 1 bedroom apt.
Or, this is why I don't do Toastmasters.
The Walter White of this timeline enjoys my sort of humor. Acid black.
An impounded block of fentanyl, etched with a Calavera (sugar skull) design. "Sugar, how you get so fly?" Dia De Los Muertos, indeed. A very, very geeky joke.
My hat's off to the crazy bastard who thought of that... Thank you for the laugh. Much needed.
This ugly gilded age has been getting me down. The Roaring Twenties redux - in a hundred years, we've learned nothing about how to be a better species. The Great Gatsby on Instagram.
Technological ostentatious douchebaggery is not better than vintage ostentatious douchebaggery. Just more painful.
Have you ever had a terrible fight with your SO that just escalated so quickly and got so out of hand, that before you know it you’re basically breaking up? That happened to me yesterday. I feel a bit shell-shocked now. Its not what I intended but I’d been feeling more and more annoyed by a number of small things, that all it took was that one last one insensitive remark and I lost it. Then his reaction when I told him how mad I was, got even more ignorant, with him refusing to respect my boundaries or take any responsibility for what was wrong. It just got worse and worse and now he’s gone. I feel like this was inevitable and I know that I wasn’t being unreasonable about the issues that were getting to me, but I still feel completely unprepared for what took place and now I’m walking around in a daze.
I feel alone. and tonight for the first time in my life I am scared of being alone.