I’ve been in a marriage for six years. My partner who was mentally amazing and stayed by me through my illnesses (both physical and mental) for years, is now mentally ill. It’s been horrible. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been yelled at. He’s starting to do the work but it’s been so hard. We’ve had many hardships that would make anyone depressed, but it also really got worse with the pandemic. Some days I feel like the strongest person ever for being a partner through thick and very thin, and sometimes I feel like a total idiot for staying. The yelling has become less and they end up sobbing in my arms after. I am just so so very tired. Anyone been through a bad depressive episode to make it through the other side? He started CBT therapy, and we know antidepressants are an option. I’m just also scared of antidepressants because five out of my eight closest friends are on them and aren’t doing much better. Depression seems like the next pandemic.
Young or old. Lean or chonky. Vocal or quiet. Active or chill. Furry or hairless. Polydactyl. Tripod. Black. Calico. Tabby. It doesn't matter. I love all cats. Cats are comedy, joy, love and spice made flesh.
It’s been a hard lesson for me. I’ve always been that person who didn’t give up on people. Gave 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances too many times. Looked for the best, gave the benefit of the doubt. Practiced reaching out even though as an introvert that’s hard for me. But I’ve decided that I will reach out no more than 2x and if they make excuses then I’ll be backing right off. No more chasing relationships for friendship or romance or even with family. If someone wants me in their life they’re going to have to do some chasing of me for a change. Otherwise I’ll be keeping to myself because I’m finally learning my own worth.
The worst thing I ever did for myself was interview and work for the Government of Canada. I suffer each day because of what occurred. I wish there was a government-sponsored program to cure what ails me. I do NOT forgive Canada..
I really just put in the "Bridge of Bjotches" for comedic effect. Not every campaign that a DM guides a party through is going to be hard-core serious or traditional.
that the closest acquaintance I have is the warm, friendly Croatian lady at Tim Horton's.
I was brought up to be honest and do the right things. But it has gotten me no where and only brought heartache into my life.
Maybe I'm just stupid but I feel I tried my very best to do the right things to take care of my family, work hard and sacrifice my whole existence to make sure they were well taken care of.
Now I am reavalulating these thoughts because it gets you no where and no one seems to really care and no one else has the same values as my mom instilled in me.
Damn it's a sad ass world we live in.
Some lady can hang outside with her baby smoking pot and partying til 1am in the morning and no says anything about it yet I'm being set up to be some horrible person cause I complain about wrong doings and to try to set things right in a horrific organization only concerned about the bottem line and money.
I'm tired of doing the right things !
Tired of being shit on !
Maybe I won't care about doing the right thing things anymore !
I know this makes no sense to anyone not knowing the whole story but it does to me.
So bloody tired !
Why is the world so unjust ?
I remember in the 80's and the 90's when pizza slices were huge with thick fluffy dough and a ridiculous amounts of cheese and toppings. Now pizza today everywhere I go no matter what serve these tiny and thin as cardboard slices with a smackle bit of cheese and miniscule toppings. Is this how these pizza businesses are making money? By ripping us off. Are there any real pizza joints left and if so where are they?
I never realized how crazy the workplace I spent years in was until it was behind me. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to waste so much time in dysfunction and why I didn't want to surround myself with better. I must has been crazy too to put up with it for so long. If you're in a toxic situation, at home, work, school, wherever it may be, don't suffer through it. You become your environment. Set aside delusions of having to be tough and persevere and that the best things you have to struggle for. It's a lie we're told to manipulate our boundaries and become complacent. You don't. The right places and people align naturally without any resistance. They do not hurt you to feel a sense of power, they do not sabotage you to get ahead, they do not try to humble you to reduce your worth and get their way. Don't allow toxic situations or anybody to rewire your brain into codependence to accommodate their goals and notion of success. Hindsight can teach you that you were right, or you can listen to your intuition, it's never wrong.
I have a hard time distinguishing one day from the next. I think this is how brain fog rolls in.