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Flying solo

I enjoy people but find that I enjoy doing stuff alone much more. Hiking, seeing concerts, I want to devote 100% of my attention to these things. I feel bad for excluding people when they want to join. “Sorry I want to be alone and enjoy this thing purely for me” is just rude. I feel pressure to group socialize but I go farther by myself. I guess there has a time and place to group socialize like for after work drinks. When I’m with others, I get preoccupied with whether they’re having a good time or not, whether I’m being funny enough, open enough, etc …… so I’d rather just be with the trees or music and exist peacefully without any demands.

Temporary

Every day I am reminded how temporary my life is. The roof over my head, my job, the car I drive, my meagre savings, the food in my fridge, the people in my life. All could be gone instantly. I admit I would like some permanence in my life. Some semblance of stability. Though I must remember, in the end none of us gets out of this alive. I can take nothing with me except perhaps what life meant to me. I wish I knew. And what if I don’t figure it out at the end - Will I have to come back? I don’t want to do this again.

I don’t care but young women should

My spouse is having an affair with a co-worker 25yrs younger than him. Decades ago we both had our pick of mates. We chose each other and I just don’t know why anymore. I’m too wise and zen now to care about his void he cannot fill. I don’t really care about what’s going on, it’s not about me. But I want to warn young women out there , don’t get involved with men in midlife crisis. You’re hurting yourself and why? Learn to love yourselves so you don’t have to find yourself in this kind of desperate relationshituation. You may have been told some kind of back-story, but what you are doing is wrong. Check-in with yourself, be kind to yourself and others. Two wrongs don’t make a right partnership.

I dont know

We are supposed to get through every year with 2 weeks of holiday. Im the only one at my job that knows certain tasks. I KNOW 100% that i will not be allowed to take two weeks at once. I do not consider one week off as a holiday. I REALIZE that two weeks is standard. I know that some people get less or none at all. But can we please aim higher instead of always comparing ourselves with others? My boomer mom is all: wElL iN jApAn tHeY wOrK 70 hOuR wEeks!!! Yeah well suicide and death by stress is common there. Great example ma. Also, she never had to work until her adult life. So she is obviously an expert on the modern workplace. Oh well. If i just wait FIVE FUCKING YEARS i get another week of holiday. Fuck

Older and wiser

Most parents have likely been guilty of this at one time or another. Congratulating ourselves on doing a much better job as parents than our own parents did with us. Patting ourselves on the back as we assume that we did it purely on our own. But as I’ve grown old and have watched my own children raise my several grandchildren, it’s occurred to me that my parents didn’t do such a bad job after all. Without their teaching I wouldn’t have had some of the skills I did to raise my own kids. I learned far more positive things from them than I gave them credit for. Yes, they made mistakes and they weren’t perfect, just as I made mistakes with my own parenting. But obviously if they raised good people then they did something right. So now, instead of blaming my parents for everything that went wrong in my life, I’m thanking them for all of the good things they did and acknowledging that they tried their best when raising me and my siblings. I raised some good people too, in spite of the mistakes I made while I was young and not as wise. So well done to all of us who tried our best!

Age

Even though I’m in my mid 30s, mentally I feel older. For some strange and reason, I feel as though I have the mentality of a 66 or 76-year-old man. No, I’m not grumpy or anything. I’ve always been separate from the rest of people my age. Maybe it’s just me but I find that people around my age just bore me to death. They’re all the same…Superficial, phoney baloney and so disconnected from reality. None of them seem to spark my interest whatsoever.

Safeway on West 4th

After what seemed to be an eternity waiting for the cashier to ring in and pack your groceries in a seemingly unending process, a gentleman in the other line ushered me ahead of him saying, "Go ahead, you've been waiting quite a while". Shortly after, I said to you, "It would really help if you learned to pack your own groceries", To which you replied something about minding my own business. I just wanted to apologize for my unsolicited advice. My impatience got the better of me.

That’s the way it goes

Haven’t talked to my friend since he got married. He has two kids and the wife is expecting a third baby on the way. It’s not the same anymore. I’m single with no kids and no wife. Haven’t even found the right person so I find that the older I get, the harder it is to relate to my friend. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a very nice guy but we’re growing apart. It’s obvious to me there’s no room for single guys in his life.

Why is everything so far ?

I feel like I'm in bum fuck Idaho. Seriously the little store is an hour walk away. I'm at the bloody end of town here where the cows live. Moo Moo Put this on my grave " She walked herself to death and made a mean brisket". Oh Lord Help Me !

Scheherazade

I want to watch the world from afar and write letters to it every day. To let my words be a lullaby in the fog to ferry its mind into a place of respite and dreams.

I SAW YOU

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