Search confessions

Who does that ?

Knock on your bloody door and just walk in. For the love of God who does that. You got the knock part correct but you wait for the person to let you in, answer the door and let you in , you don't just walk on in. I can't even begin to tell you how rude and invasive that it. What ever happened to privacy ? What happened to it ? That's what grinds my gears today, so far today! I'm sure there will be more things today but so far. Oh my god !

for the late bloomers.

I was always one of those people who had the she's "out of my league mentality. I got a lot of those people in my life now as friends and peeps. Not from personal dramatic changes, but from exactly the opposite. As a high energy sports and nature person, my younger years were always being sharked by dudes who were alpha. As the years went by seems the alpha simply meant abusive. Now that I am high energy sports and nature person over 35, while simultaneously not having been a person who cycled through relationships and marriages and kids, being true to who I've been has become more attractive. Yet, I tend to believe it is also not to trade those chips in for moments pleasure to overcome some youthful self hatred, that keeps it level. In the eyes of others self compassion, pride and a love of life getting better with time if you are true to yourself.

Death to UBER

The number of times my Uber driver has cancelled at the last minute, the number of times an Uber Eats driver has arrived with an incorrect order that I've had to wait for over an hour to correct... I hope Uber dies. I long for real service. I use Yellow Cab now if I want to go somewhere, their drivers are excellent and their app rocks. And as for food delivery — call the restaurants if you can, or pick up yourself when you can. Uber sucks. Death to Uber. Unreliable corporate jerks.


I hope Bruce lands another coaching job and beats the hell out of everybody to win the Stanley Cup. Bruce, there it is!!

Bible Signs

If you have a nose pick it cause a nose cannot unfortunately pick itself. And use a tissue! Scotties

Love comes unexpectedly and leaves the same way

In 2017 I was homeless. Thanks to a shitty wife and some shitty friends. I felt like I never wanted to be in love again. One night I saw a tiny kitten living in a tree hole, city side, with a grate over it. She wouldn't come out. I went and bought a tin of cat food. She wouldn't come out. I left the open tin and lid in the hole for her. I whispered to her. I gave her the name "Tiger" and planned to return. The next day I didn't have any money. The next I found a fiver. I returned with a tin, whispered "Tiger, tiger, tiger" and put the open tin next to my foot. I called her. She finally crept out nervously. She ate, then looked at me, and returned to her hiding place. I whispered to her as I left. This went on until she'd come out and jump in my lap and purr and rub her nose on my thigh. We were in love. I tried to find a place to live that took cats. I couldn't. I went back and somebody had dropped a tin of tuna that had one bite out of it. And she was gone.

Too little too late

I confess that I had unrealistic hopes. In spite of so many years of evidence that they would never change, I still hoped that this time would be different. Because I’m different. The things I tolerated in the past will never be tolerated again. It took a long time and a lot of pain, but I finally learned. So although it’s clear that they miss me and want me back, they’re making a paltry effort with nothing to show me that anything would be different this time. So sadly, we will remain apart. I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than go back to what almost broke me completely.

I loved a woman who lied all the time.

I loved a woman who lied all the time. Okay, I still love her. She lied about unimportant things, and she lied about important things, too. Finally, I wrote to her, "Please do not use my security fob and key to enter my home, again. Please discard my security fob and key. I have discarded the personal belongings you left at my home. Love Always, GP". At first, I was sad all the time. Now, I am only sad when I think about her. But I think about her every day.

The common denominator is me

I’m an attractive person but I get rejected very often, by people I meet on online dating apps. I’ve realized that in all these instances that the common denominator is me. I’m a deeply flawed person and my dates see right through me. There is a lot that is wrong with me as a person, so no one wants to love me regardless of my appearance. I guess I have to accept the fact that I will keep getting rejected, be love starved alone and sexless forever, because I don’t really change. I’m the person I am and people evidently don’t like the real me. I feel very litle worth in the dating marketplace. The problem is obviously me. Sigh. Although I will say, dating apps have normalized a harsh and brutal cold culture of rejection. The paradox of choice… so many options… the grass is always going to be greener with the next person right? It’s all too easy for decent humans to reject other decent humans in the search for the elite perfect mate.

he's my unfinished sympathy

I keep a secret playlist of songs, songs that I've allocated to a moment where the music and lyrics mark exactly how I felt about him at every stage. When I hear them, I think of him. I saved them to make a mixed tape of sorts to call these our songs, and towards the end the songs go from wonder in drifting among the stars of astral dreams, wishing joy in jack johnson's better together, passion in muse's madness or promises in arkell's my heart's always yours to confusion, frustration, sadness and loss. There are times where I hear them and wish he had, so he could've known how I felt and when. I don't know whether he'd hear them and "get it" or whether he'd have a list of superficial cliche songs that are out of sync as his playlist to compare. The list I guard is now quietly waiting to age out the emotions I attached to them because they're good songs that need emotional distance so they can be played without pulling me back to a man who, it seems, never cared. I was so sure, though. Haunted by the ghost of you, take me back to the night we met....


Granville Island Public Market

You were by youself, I think. You wore light blue jeans and black shoes with tall wedge-like...

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