After 15 months of no friends, no culture, no nights out, the thing that completely gives me a physical anxiety reaction and dread, is the upcoming wildfire smoke blanketing the lower mainland. I walk, run and bike for self-soothing. Forcing me indoors …. In a tiny condo….. and unable to open a window due to poor air quality….. I’m stressed. I don’t want to enter any gym right now. Would skipping inside an air conditioned library be bad form? I hope that this will not be 10-14 days of smoky occlusive skies. All I ever want is to be outside, living. To not be able to do it safely, is a physical crushing pain.
I am starving for affection
I find myself distancing from a friend because they constantly want to meet up only to talk non stop about themselves and all their relationship problems. I have had enough on non reciprocal relationships and people who don't value my time and energy.
I could never meet anyone new.
I'm too messed up !
I want to fall in love, but how ?
Now that I’m 2 weeks+ after Dose 2, I’ve we been seeing friends again. It has been so great to be walking alongside them, seeing their huge grins, seeing them laugh at my dumb jokes, making eye contact and just laughing together again. That being said, the journeys home afterward on transit are uncomfortable. I don’t want anyone talking to me, masked or unmasked, on the bus. I have stranger danger; I don’t know anyone’s vaccine status and I very much don’t want to share aerosols with any randoms on public transit. I was a few seconds away from bolting from my seat where this guy was pestering me with his unmasked face. I guess I will have to switch to car-share Evo’s and maintain as much social distancing as possible. Not worth the money saved using the bus.
Maybe this is not much of a confession but I digress. Some people asked me if I would ever be interested in running for City Council in the next municipal election comes up. No thanks. Not in the least. Never in a million years. Why would I want to sit through long boring tedious meetings and deal with idiots and hypocrites every nook and cranny? I’m nowhere near diplomatic so if there’s one thing I’m not good at, it’s kissing ass.
I was born with Asperger’s syndrome, but somehow I get the feeling that I have more than Autism. Lately I find that my moods tend to change. Some days I’m up and then other days I’m just downhill. I’m beginning to wonder if maybe I must have some kind of mild bipolar disorder or something. It’s a like roller coaster and I feel like I just want to jump off the ride but don’t know how.
I stare like a creep at Construction workers. I love them. It doesn’t help that they wear the high vis, either, they are like sexy little beacons. Omg
Tired of anonymous messages to push for flirtations. It's like I haven't left junior high.
I want real interaction.
I feel like too many people think the virus is gone and is no longer a problem. I'm a nurse and we still have covid+ patients, so it's far from "out of sight, out of mind" for me. My partner was decently careful during the height of the pandemic, but she has completely let go of all precautions now. She hangs out in giant groups (which is allowed, yes) but none wear masks, they share cigarettes/vapes and drinks, and don't wash their hands. I'm sick of it, and want to keep my distance from her so I don't catch it from her irresponsible behaviour. Am I so burnt out that I'm becoming an oblivious A-hole, or am I justified in feeling this way?