Search confessions

Winter depresses me

I hate this time of year. The short days kill me. I feel asleep at work in the mornings. Twinkly lights everywhere emphasize the black nights. The commercial Christmas pressure makes me feel empty and sad. I feel like not moving and sleeping all day. I never feel this way in the summer. Plop me barefoot on a patch of sand and let me watch the sunset at 9pm and I feel like that is the best part of the day. I’m not meant for dark, boots, heavy coats, indoor time, fluorescent lighting and Xmas jingles. If I had a spare $1000 I’d fly the fuck South. Maybe I was Cuban in my previous life.

Naughty or Nice

Going into the doctor this week for STI tests, guess I’ll find out if I’ve been naughty or nice. Then I will be sending out texts to the ex lovers for Christmas.

cereal offender

I'm a bird feeder, regularly in Stanley Park, sunflower seeds and peanuts (both shelled to eliminate litter and unsalted), to an assortment of squirrels, chickadees, and other birds. Most people who come by are appreciative but lately one passerby and a park ranger (separately) both claimed it harms birds and is prohibited by a parks bylaw. Neither is true. The Audubon Society, Cornell University Ornithology Lab and every other expert says bird feeding, if done properly, does no harm and may be helpful in this time of declining bird populations. I've also checked with the Parks Board and there is no bylaw against it. Please people, if you are going to go around telling people what to do or not to do, do some research first instead of just making things up.

The drugs don't work

The distractions that used to keep me entertained are no longer working. They just don't do it for me anymore. I know I need to fill my life with real things that have meaning for me. But there is a giant valley between my current life of numbing distractions, and the life of purpose and connection that I want to create. The gap just seems to big and requires too much energy, I don't know if I can make it.

A Haunted House Story

Over 100 years old, an old house lives and breathes in a darling neighbourhood in Vancouver. Single pane and stain glass windows. Ladybugs visit each year and crows caucus often in a tree nearby. Original wood floors that sing a chorus of creaks at each step. A stunning view of the mountains and rooftops for miles. There was a moment in the kitchen after receiving the end of tenancy notice where I thought, "I never want to leave you." Suddenly the front door swung closed. A loud slam. Must have been the breeze. But I cried, happy and heartbroken because perhaps the house wished I could stay forever too. And what a strange story that would be. A haunted house where no one was allowed to leave, but everyone wanted to stay. In some ways, I wonder when we die if we get to choose where we go. I would imagine myself there. A strange ghost that opens windows on hot summer days, washing delinquent dishes and putting a kettle on the stove ready for tea when someone comes home.

Yeasty Flakes

I love nutritional yeast. I LOVE IT. I go through mountains of yeast. Yeast on pasta. Yeast on veggies. Yeast on everything!

stickin it

I will never stop calling children boys and girls despite what our educational leaders tell us to do.

I learned this about recovery

Don’t waste your time talking about recovery and addiction to people who think it’s all about will power or lack thereof. It’s a no-win situation, stick to groups of your fellow addicts (AA, etc), your doctor, addiction counsellors. There is a lot of support out there, but beware those that want to sabotage you.


I confess that I love all the conscientious people, they are so vanishingly rare. Had to deal with two people this week who screwed up royally, causing others a huge amount of inconvenience because of their actions. Instead of accepting they screwed up, apologizing and moving on, you know, the adult thing; I got a litany of lame, lame, lame excuses, scapegoating and diverting the blame. You screwed up, deal with it, I screw up, we all screw up sometimes, it's part of being human, stop trying to make it not your fault! Anyone over the age of 10 should know how this works.

Last of the Candy

So I was going thru the last bit of the Halloween Candy Bowl and it seemed to be all these Kerr Suckers, in the bottom of the bowl, So I thought ok, I'll try one. Dam those things are gross. Threw them right in the garbage. Yuck. I now Hate Suckers." Spit "Yuck U never know what your going to get in your tricker /treat bag. Now it was free !! Except for all the stairs and walking.

More on