Search confessions

"When I Was Your Age"

I got a little sick of being told shit like "I was at Woodstock when you were in diapers" when I was young by older people. Now I'm the age that they were, their lives aren't that enviable but you don't see me being condescending to people young or old about their experience.

What I need

is very little, really. I have always made do on a fairly low income, and I like the feeling of being resourceful over spending money. A brisk walk outside is nice, maybe the occasional hike. Library books. Music. Public art. Good laughs and conversation. Someone who loves me unwaveringly, who I love ferociously in return. All of those things are free.

Laughing So Hard

I can't stop. When I read such a graphic headline in the Georgia Straight like "Woman surreptitiously takes photo of SkyTrain exposer's genitals", I just lose it.

I Have No Plan B

I've worked towards this one goal for many years. My heart has been so dead set on it, that I haven't told a single soul of my plan - because sometimes I feel that there are more gestapo in Canada than there are average citizens. Please god, don't let anyone place a roadblock in my way. I've come this far, and I'm on a tight schedule. Please let it go smoothly. I have no Plan B. Please spare me from having to develop a solution if Plan A fails, because we both know what that solution would entail. Please let this one dream of mine come true.

Ridiculous crush

I have a huge crush on a guy I work with- I have not had a crush like this since I was like’s crazy, totally overwhelming and kind of fun to feel this way...but it’s also pointless because he has a girlfriend. I thus have all this insane sexual energy that I feel like is flinging out of me anytime I’m near him and it’s just being wasted...but I can’t get him out of my head. It’s been 6 months! I’ve dated others and then broken up with them because it didn’t seem right to have such an intense attraction to someone else. I realize this is ridiculous. I’m not young either, nor inexperienced in dating/love/sex. I just can’t seem to move past it. Advice?

I'll confess I can not give her what she needs.

I've spent far too much time trying to figure out how to convince her I love her so much. Well yes I do, but that is not enough. I know this now and it sucks really bad. I do not see myself possibly loving like that again, I mean I hope I'm wrong but doubt it. I wish her all the best in this world and I have to try and find strength to be better than just loving someone, I believed that song "Love is all you need"

I confess to having a big problem

understanding accents. It's very frustrating and sometimes embarrassing as I usually have to ask people to repeat themselves a few times. It's all accents: British, Irish, Chinese, Japanese. East Indian in particular is the hardest for me to decipher. This almost feels like a learning disability because my co-workers don't seem to struggle. So bad that if I watch a British movie for example, I have to see subtitles or I'm lost.

I like the rain

Yesterday, it rained a wee bit, and I remembered why I like rain here. It washes away the pee off the downtown streets, replacing the air with that clean smell from all our plants, flowers and trees that make the city pretty. The plants get a snack and get green again, that's nice. Most of all, though, is how it makes all the beggars scramble and disappear. The streets look normal. Nobody lying around in garbage hanging around every store entrance harassing people. The streets are normal, the way it used to be. Davie Street used to be a pleasure, and somehow city hall and the VPD have ignored the conditions of the streets. They put up all these cafe spaces and built a park on a side street and the neighbourhood is like Hastings, with crazy homeless everywhere. I think the city is doing this on purpose to drive out the residents as a favor to landlords do they can raise rents as everyone flees. You sure don't see that mess in the richer neighborhoods like Yaletown, Coal Harbour or Alberni Street; they'd never allow it. But when it rains, all that mess vanishes, and it feels like a nice place again. I miss the sun, but the rain sure offers a tempting trade-off.

I against I

Over the course of my life, I've been gaslit to explosion, trolled, manipulated, lied to, coerced, you name it. I've been there, got the T-shirt. Still, I confess that the absolute worst mind games are the ones I play with myself.


Lately I'm trying to love myself more. I've been doing things like sleeping, yoga, eating lots of vegetables, taking medication, no alchohol, and volunteering when I can find the time. It is helping. This specific combination of things is going well so far and I hope that even as my life changes I can keep finding things that work. I had such bad mood swings in the fall that it almost killed me. I've also tried to stop looking for other peoples validation to fill my lack of self-love. I think mostly though, it is the medication that has helped. I tried a bazillion things before and they didn't work. Trauma really fucked me up and I could never get my brain back to normal. The small amount of research on the long term affects of anti depressents freak me out though.


Park and Fly Shuttle Bus - Secret Admirer

You were wearing a jacket that said BTA Academy on it and have curly hair. We were both in the...

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