Everybody looks like they smell like Marlboro's and booze in the films and photos from the 1970s and 1980s; it kind of gives me the heebie-jeebies'.
I am a manly guy and I am in denial that I am lonely .
And I’m very motivated that I will be denial until 40 more years . Is loneliness real .
I’m a manly guy living alone since 16 . I had very few physical contacts . I’m feeling very lonely and feeling for women who can just hug me and open up . Thanks
I watched the documentary with my wife and it took me back to over a decade ago. Vancouver Island girls were “my type” back then. I dated two women from Vancouver Island, both blonde too. From my experience… always up for an adventure, down to earth, and just salt of the earth kinda people.
So this guy who's sweet on me knows my BD is coming for weeks, and on the day of it he ghosts me. After the weekend, he pretends like nothing happened. No inquiries, not even a simple "sorry I missed it, happy belated". Nada. I was shocked to see how stingy a person can be with themselves to be like that. It hurt only because, at the time, he meant something. I explained how meaningful birthdays are leading up to that day, so you'd think he'd make the connection. I even explained again after it passed. What made it worse is how he got upset when I pointed out how it hurt. He was more focused on how he felt the whole time. Now he wonders why I don't want to see him or have anything to do with him. He thinks I abandoned him, and got extremely irate. He just doesn't get it. He made me feel inconsequential on purpose, then wants me to be devoted to him? The funny thing is, in the beginning, he wondered why I'd be interested in him. Now I see why: he knows he's a selfish, thoughtless, uncaring person. I just can't bring myself to tell him that. I don't want to give him anything anymore, even criticism to make him self-aware in the off-chance the criticism helps him improve himself. I feel stupid for trusting him, or believing that he had good in him. Even he knows that there's nothing there within him for him to wonder out loud why anyone would like him, and I should have believed that.
Wishing you many happy returns on this Groundhog Day.
Today I found out there's a name for my fear: Kypselidaphobia.
Again. I thought this time it may be different …
I was married to a woman years ago and was invited to her parents house for Christmas dinner. There were four of us and the turkey was the biggest the father could find. It was some way for him to brag, I guess, the turkey could have fed a football team and just the idea of so much food for so few people was disgusting to me.
The father thought it was a display of opulence but to me it was a grotesque display of waste.
There worst of it was after a few drinks and while we ate her father told us that his secretary had become pregnant and he fired her for some trivial, made up thing. He then said; "That will show her for expecting to get maternity leave from us!"
My wife and I had a fight as we drove home.
I wrote this because, even though I didn't see it at the time, that kind of psychosis ran right through the family and when I discovered that psychosis in my wife I kicked her out of my life immediately.
The point is, if you're dumb enough to ever get married and you see something alarmingly strange in her family that it's well rooted in them too. So stay, the fuck, away.
I didn’t realize that I was hurting my children because of my own childhood. I didn’t realize that my own hyper independence was a result of never having an adult to rely on or to give me comfort when I was a child. So I raised my kids to also be very independent, but didn’t realize the dark side of that until now. I loved them fiercely and tried my best to show them that, but because I had problems with being vulnerable, I often appeared “tough” and unapproachable. It’s so great that now we have access to so much information that helps us understand how these things are related. I wish I’d known this when they were young, before I made my kids feel emotionally neglected.