Search confessions

Growing up and looking forward to the future

It makes me mad that I am going to be royally screwed, unable to afford a house, friends dying of drug overdoses, and being unable to afford a retirement, while our precious Trudeau is pampered and licked by society.

Nut cancer

I thought I had it but I went to the doctor and got an ultrasound and I don't! It's a huge relief and I have nobody to tell because I wouldn't let anybody in on my secret. I DON'T HAVE NUT CANCER! P.S. If you're scared of going to the doctor, don't be like me. I put it off for far too long and if it actually WAS cancer I'd be screwed. My worst fear was that the ultrasound tech would be an attractive woman around my age and she was exactly that. But she was a pro.

You know

I had ALWAYS believed in the our love. I thought there was NOTHING more powerful in this Universe.

Bus Kids

So it's well after midnight on an East Van bus. Two kids, both in army jackets, one asleep, the other staring. The mother, young and beautiful with hoop earrings, staring into space. In eight stops I witnessed, she did not look at her kids once. Zero attention. I've been around parents and children so long to know this was not normal, and it wasn't drugs: it was something situational. I'll always wonder: what was going on in that family to make the mother so distanced that she paid no attention whatsoever to her children for so long.

We are part of a nightmare age

When you realize that consumerism and power driven through capitalism runs the world and people are powerless to fight the desire to consume. I wish someone could come save us from them... except communisms. Those are even worse because you get nothing from trying... and not being able to try in life is meaningless. We need something in between.


I wish I knew what to say to you. There’s a frog in my throat and the words won’t come out. I feel you’ll reject me either way, say ‘good for you but you’re not for me’. I wish I was for someone that I wished for like you. But it’s all wasted pennies in the bottom of a park fountain. Shiny worthless possibilities conducting the electricity I feel with you. But you’ll invest in someone with more worth, greater drive and mind.

I just saw the woman i am madly in love with

And she was looking at me with desire. She knows im crazy about her. Maybe now she'll act? She has my number, and knows she can contact me at 5 am and ill be there in 20, showered and eager.

“Age is just a number”

No it’s not. It’s lived experience. Hopefully you gain wisdom from that experience. Now that I can confidently say that I’m old, I look back at my younger self and laugh. How arrogantly sure of myself and my level of knowledge I was! How I assumed that more years meant nothing. How incredibly wrong I was about so many things that only experience would teach. Young people don’t change much from generation to generation. They think they invented it all and old people are irrelevant. As if all of us old people were born old. So now I know what not to say and how to pick my battles. I know how to let some things and some people go without me struggling to keep them. I have learned that “this too shall pass” is the absolute truth. I accept that how I look now is going to look pretty good to me ten years from now if I’m lucky enough to be around then and able to look back. I’m not going to waste my time telling young people to listen to their elders because the young people who most need to listen are the ones least likely to do so. I’m going to live out the rest of my life appreciating the gifts I’ve been given and being grateful for the things I have, and not worrying so much about what I don’t have. Peace.

Who’s it really for?

I get confused about the gifts some people tend to give to others. Like I can’t tell if the gifts are for the other person or for themselves. Example: someone gives you something you don’t really want or need but it’s something they want for themselves and they’ll get to enjoy it if they give it to you. Especially if you live together. Is that a gift for you or them? My former partner did this all the time and when I finally called them out on it they accused me of being selfish and ungrateful. I can only remember one time when they seemed to put effort into choosing a gift with me in mind and that was the very first year we were together. After that it was always something they got to use as much or more than me. Sometimes I even said repeatedly that I really didn’t want the thing they wanted to give me and even asked them specifically not to get it because I preferred something completely different. But they gave it to me anyway and got to use it all the time. So I think those types of presents aren’t for anybody but themselves. I have pondered this a lot because they always accused me of being selfish and not appreciating anything. But when I give someone a gift I try to make it something that they want or need and I don’t think about whether or not it’s something I want because to e gift isn’t for me. If I’m not sure what to get I ask them if there’s anything they really want or need. We aren’t together anymore but it’s taken me years to learn to trust myself again and to not believe all the awful things they always said about me. I’m curious to know if anyone else has had similar experiences with someone who does that?

The monkeys are fooled

Or maybe they’re not? If you have seen all the evidence of someone’s selfish behaviour with your own eyes but still accept what they tell you as being the truth, are you a fool or are you just willfully ignorant? You think that every person who has been in a romantic relationship with that person is the one at fault and they’re just an innocent victim? Really? Unless you’ve been in a relationship with them yourself you’re not in any position to judge. You have no idea how they treat their relationship partners when you’re not there. If someone has been with countless partners over a long lifetime and all those former partners are all saying the same things, perhaps you should give more credence to what they’re saying and less to what you’re being told by the person who’s claiming to be a victim. All those other people can’t be wrong and this one person is totally free of blame. It’s just not logical or probable. So before you jump to their defence with impassioned and malicious comments, please consider this.


Overground from Hackney to Clapham Junction

I doubt you will ever gonna read this but… if you are thee guy who stared at me the whole journey...

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