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Forgiveness in waves

My husband cheated on me. I forgave him after months of emasculating punishment. But I have a hard time now and then believing that he is changed. It wasn’t a storybook romance kind of affair. He didn’t accidentally fall for his coworker. He didn’t get too drunk one night and clumsily smooch a friend. He deliberately joined dating sites and cruised multiple women for months, maybe years. How can I trust that he won’t donit again? He was so good at lying!

What does “dating” mean?

Im confused about what people nowadays consider to be “just dating”. I came of age in the early ‘70’s, and I was what you’d probably call a bit of a hippie. Back then we just met someone we clicked with and shortly thereafter we’d be living together. Not dating. We shared costs exactly like married people. I’ve been married more than once. First one not so long, second one 20 years. The “dates” with the 2nd one were a few dinners out, but because we both had kids by then, it was often including them. Finally, after the marriage ended, I met a childless person who had also never been in a committed relationship. We were in an off/on relationship for about 20 years. One of the biggest issues I had was the fact that no matter that they virtually lived with me most of the time (always keeping their own place but staying with me for the majority of the time without ever paying housing costs), they always characterized our relationship as “dating”. We almost never went anywhere on anything I’d consider a date. They behaved as if we were in a committed relationship in that we rarely ever did anything other than what spouses would do. Hanging out at home (always mine), going on outings like hikes and bike rides, but nothing else. No nice dinners out, no trips, no movies, not much of anything, because they didn’t like doing those things (seriously cheap). But always, in their mind, we were just “dating”, because they had never actually made any kind of formal commitment even as far as genuinely living together. I ended the relationship finally some time ago, but ever since I’ve wondered if anyone else considers that type of situation as “just dating”, or if they’d think that it was much more than that? I personally think I was just a fool for love.

I'm losing and I can not seem to move ahead

I feel trapped by what is not really important, the thing that holds me tightly in place is powerful and real. Although it can not been physically seen, it is all the same very physically. I wish I had a combination to unlock the right answer and advance into the next whatever. The truth is, it is a path that I must take, the path less traveled is called that for a reason I guess. There is no one around it seems most days, I have only myself to talk to about this problem. The sad and lonely feelings and not clearly understanding how, why or even if when this will end is a unknown. I just want this journey of the most intrepid travel I've ever taken to lead to the place I hope to find. Paradise and fulfillment of dreams yours, mine and ours!

I scared the hell out of a passenger

Well, there's more to the story. I was waiting to cross the street at Burrard and Georgia... and there was a car waiting to turn right... a fancy convertible with a douchey driver and a -- well, I don't need to insult her look, but it goes with what happened next. She was smoking a cigarette, and she contemptuously threw it out of the car, where it landed right by my feet. So I picked it up and threw it back in the car, where it must have landed on her lap or on the floor, I'm not sure. She screamed. I heard the driver yelling "What the FUCK!?!" But the light turned green for me, so I started crossing. And I heard some yelling and honking behind me, but I didn't turn around and there was no big explosion, so I think everything is just fine... as it should be under the circumstances. So yeah, don't litter.

Breathe deep

I finally got rid of Tinder today and just had it up to here with one disappointment after another. One of the worst apps for dating. I can breathe now.

Keep it to yourself

Some random weirdo came up to me and asked me if I believe in God. I told him that whether you believe in God or Mother Nature is nobody’s business but your own. Boy, did he shut up pretty fast.

I confess I prefer hanging

With potheads than drunks. 100,000 stoned folks at Sunset Beach and not a single major police incident. Whaddya think might have been the result of 100,000 drunks gathering together?

What they don’t tell you

I may have had a chance with a man who, to me, is perfect in his flaws. Dark, intelligent and corresponding complex. But he’s figuring himself out, having a rough time, and needs a few real and selfless friends to support him. The fact that repressing my desire for more than friendship is “the right thing to do” doesn’t make it hurt any less.

IS it normal to bump into people?

Some days, as I walk in a straight line on the sidewalk, some people veer into my direction. Sometimes I just play chicken and sometimes I bump into them and continue to walk. 99% of the time, I move out of the way for a ton of people... but sometimes, it's just insane... it is as if people are trying to make you move... I don't mind bumping into these people. Does this happen to you?

Consistency

Our feelings are supposed to be consistent with our actions. What we say is supposed to be consistent with what we do. When we are unhappy, the body starts to reject and shuts down. Try as you might to keep living life as usual... it won't last. It will show up as depression, or come out as anger, or you will just stop trying. They say that in order for a relationship to thrive, a part of you must die. How big is the part? Is it only 10% of your essence? What if it is 90%? How consistent can you be if you still haven't given up on your dreams? I will settle and be consistent when I have found purpose in life. If I don't find it, I won't settle, and will live a hard and horrible life until I die, but I will take that over the alternative.

I SAW YOU

Flight TG250

Met a guy on a plane from Krabi to Bangkok , we didn’t talk, but looked and smiled at each other...

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