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What a mess !

Uncertainty and fear as home life is flailing. In fact, the problems with the work of domestic life are so deep to the point of feeling lost. Phoniness reigns at work and it’s misery. Marriage is a losing battle of being judged and condemned, and while feeling guilty there's the realization of not feeling as much. Meanwhile, thoughts of how what makes one warm inside from the past reveals loose threads that can’t be let go of, and this realization is jarring because the source is outside of one's world. What a conundrum, huh? Anyone would feel crappy going through this alone.

Content Delivery

I say Netflix's selection looks like an old video rental store, but you don't even know what those were....

Dating in Vancouver isn't THAT hard

I've read so many posts about this by now, and I'm at the point where I just want to sit down and have conversations with these people. I want to see what they're doing, how they're presenting themselves, what's going on. I've been in three relationships in a year and a half. Yes, I'm a serial monogamist. I met two online, and my current one was through mutual friends. Two of these three men were homeowners, one spent more money to rent downtown than he would on a mortgage. They're all educated people with goals. My experiences online are that if you're patient, you'll go on plenty of dates (so long as you consider 1-2 per week plenty). I'm not an enormously pretty girl, and yes, I know it's easier for women, but I'm apparently charming enough that I get first dates and occasionally end up meeting people I'm into. I used OkCupid because I liked getting more info on people ahead of time. I wrote my profile in a way that people had good openers and immediately had stuff to talk about. They could gauge my values, intelligence level, interests, and sense of humour. Lots of very classically handsome men sent me a single message and then never contacted me again, probably because I'm not actually their type (I'm not polished, I could lose some weight, I'm really just averagely attractive). I put thought and effort into replies, quickly developed long conversations with people, and worked hard to assess their values before I met them. It helped. My girlfriends who don't use online dating say it's impossible to meet people. The men I know say the same. I get the impression that many of these people are: A) pickier with looks - I date attractive men, they're just all below 6' ;) B) not using the best photos C) not good at talking to strangers This isn't to say dating here isn't hard. It just isn't THAT hard. I have friends who do VERY well - both men and women - because they put in the effort. I have friends who have moved to places like NYC and Toronto and have had a much easier time getting dates, but are still single. I once explained to a girlfriend "how" I date, and she said, "oh, so upon actually try." Honestly, at this point, I'm tempted to just tell men to go get their friends to take some nice pictures of them (I did that for a couple friends and it's helped them enormously). All ya'll wondering, though, where the good men are, saying there aren't any here, look AROUND you. Vancouver is a terrible place to live. We're all poor, frustrated, and our political and social climate is toxic. This wealthy environment leaves people tired, frustrated, and lonely. But that doesn't mean there aren't decent men and women out there. I know because my friends and I have gone on dates with many of them. And in case anyone is wondering: I unmatched people who opened with "hey" and I didn't match with anyone who came off as jaded or bitter. But seriously. It's not THAT hard.

Mummy mummy!

Rents are so high here, everything so expensive, we have the right to cheap everything, we want to own a house before hitting 30... You sound like a whiny, feet-stomping teenager. When I was a young adult in this city 20 years ago I had 1-2 roommates because I could not afford a place of my own, I had to have two jobs to afford the things I wanted, and this place wasn't as big and international as it is now! Do your research, travel to similar cities and compare, or move to a small village; you don't deserve to live in this great city! You're a lazy, entitled whiner.


To the strong and able dude that keeps walking to the front of the line of the sardine-jammed #14 bus cutting everyone off INCLUDING a visually-impaired lady with a service dog: YOU SUCK. I don't know how you live with yourself. I hope that when you stop being strong and able, weasels like you sneak in front of you and steal your seat!

Online dating has

I’ve found my outlook on online dating has contributed to me feeling more awkward about asking people out in real life. I used to be bolder and I would just ask people out. I worked up the courage and just put it out there. Now I am a bit lazy and think if I want to date I’ll just go online.... almost in the way I think about shopping!?! I don’t think that’s healthy so I’m taking a break and trying to regain my confidence in asking people out when I meet them. Its a much slower approach, takes longer to find someone I have chemistry with but at least I know right away whether we click.

Sex surrogate?

My wife doesn't like/need sex very often. I don't want another relationship so I frequent the massage parlours. Its expensive but masturbation just isn't the same and I need the female touch. The only other option is a sex surrogate...does that even exist?

I always wondered if....

You were only a selfish jerk because you were an addict. After hanging out with you a few times sober one year later I realize that you are a selfish jerk by nature. I’m so happy I can finally let go and move on without any “what if’s”.

German and jewish

Can a practicing Jewish man date a German female no problem? I an willing to convert but his parents say its not the same. Can someone enlighten me??

After 10 yrs

You walked in to my workplace. I was working. Instant chemistry between you and i. I feel sorry for your girlfriend on 10 years is now your ex. That must have hurt hearing hes leaving you for me. you probably did nothing wrong-- but I came into his picture. Sorry.

I confess

I will stop buying anything made in China!!!!

Phone scammers

I’ve been getting a lot of unwanted phone calls from some guy on an automated tape speaking in Chinese. Same idiot, different phone numbers. I reported it to the cops but their excuse was that they “don’t trace calls.” How the hell can I get rid of these bottom feeding assholes once and for all?

Life’s hard when you own a home worth seven figures

I have zero sympathy for west side residents fighting increased property taxes . Owning a home worth $3 million plus is a form of wealth - what it gives people is choice, choice that renters and others who are struggling don’t have.

My ex wouldnt let me alone

My ex was very physically abusive to me on 7 occasions during our 4 year relationship. During one of those incidents I thought for sure she would kill me, and I still suffer panic attacks to this day (I'm saving up for counselling, but don't have the funds yet.) That worst incident happened 2 years ago. I've since moved on and married a very kind foreign woman who I love very much. The issue is that this ex has been telling lies about me to mutual friends: that I stole from her when we moved out, that I cheated on her, that *I* was the abusive one (that one makes me furious more than any of the other accusations.) Slowly our mutual friends have been dropping me because she's been giving them ultimatums - her or me. It hurts, and it's making me feel anger when I just want to leave this in the past. For the record, I haven't contacted her since our break up and just want to move on. But now I know what those men who come forward about abuse years later feel like. I didn't file a police report any of the times she beat me. I don't have any photographic evidence, because at the time my first priority was to protect her and her reputation in her small-ish island community. But I have emails disclosing the abuse to a couple of trusted friends, a record of what happened. I'm so tempted to come forward, if not just to make her stop trying to slander me. But I'm worried, because of how men are treated nowadays in metoo era who come forward years later. They aren't believed, they are seen as just trying to destroy a woman. And my intentions right now are being driven by anger...I'm at a loss. I also worry about any of his future partners being attacked by her, but I can't control that. Sorry this is a jumbly mess, I just needed to get this all out of my head anonymously, thanks for listening.


Years ago my wife and I spent Christmas Day in a church basement in downtown Vancouver. We don’t go to church but were surrounded by quite a number of parishoners. As Christmas morning turned to lunch we started to feed homeless street people. As many of the guys showed up they stood warily in the doorway surveying the safety of the room and whether they felt they could stay. There were a couple of senior women from the church who would zip over to them, give them a big loving hug oblivious to their filthy clothing and a kiss on their dirty, sketchy looking cheeks. These guys were hardened to the life on the street, most were dirty, smelled, and just looked plain evil to someone like me who grew up in a super functional, priveleged world. As they had a big hug and kiss, there were a number of the guys who broke into tears. They told me that this is the only hug and kiss they got all year. Stop and let that sink in. I still get misty thinking about it after all these years. It changed the trajectory of my selfishness. Those old ladies are angels and I only hope we can all learn from them. Cost them nothing, but that transaction was priceless. Let’s think about that this year....all year.


"Its a beautiful morning outside"

I served you vegan food in a restaurant on Main. The dry weather must have made you happy. Your...