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what was I thinking

been married to the same women for 25 years. I ain't never doing that again and no one can make me.

Too much to handle

My grandmother was cremated after she died because that's what she requested. We still have her ashes in our house but it is so painful looking at the urn day in and day out. I feel like I just want to take her ashes and scatter them in the ocean or on a field somewhere so that way I can free her soul and move on. Unfortunately my mom won't allow it. She'd rather hold onto them, but the thought of having dead people in the house is too emotional for me and I've been getting this feeling that if I let go, I can just move on nicely. I've always believed that when people whom you love die, it's better to just let them rest in peace.

Wish I Could Find a Van Chick

To live a life of travelling around, working whenever. But every time I've brought the topic up,all I've gotten is raised eyebrows and a condescending smirk


The part in my hair has moved west and I don't know how it happened. Even after I washed my hair it wouldn't go back without a lot of work but then it would re-arrange itself as it dried. Has my old brush lost it's charm?

Did you ever feel

Like people are purposely trying to stall your progress, like they don't want you move forward. Why would anyone do that?


I’m grateful that I have a wonderful family who love me and who I cherish. However, lately I feel like I’m being torn to pieces trying to be what they want me to be. I’m trying to help them each as much as I can, but it’s been at the expense of fixing my own life. Every time I try to set aside time for myself, I wind up instead doing something that one of them either wants or needs me to do. I’m feeling very demoralized. I feel like if I actually did what I truly wish I could it would involve me, a packed car and a tank of gas. For whatever reason, the fact that I’ve got my own life to deal with seems to be unimportant to everyone else, unless of course I get to the point where I need to live on their couch, at which time I’m sure they’d be ranting at me for not getting my act together! I can’t win.


When I hear old house music, it reminds me of the West End in the 90s.

What autumn and love have taught me

Learn how to let go with peace, grace and kindness. Thank you for the beauty and colour that you have brought to my life.

At a loss

Does he really love me? I’m confused. Comes home from work and spends hours on the computer. I am invisible. Doesn’t care what I have to say. Expects me to reply to every thought that rolls off his tongue and I get dead silence when I speak, unless he wants to change the subject and hear himself talk. Oh my god the more I type the more I realise it’s not me that he wants, it’s probably the idea of having a girlfriend and it doesn’t matter who. I’m so stupid.

I have a problem...

... I have a social life, I work (like many people my age, finding secure, well paying meaningful work is a challenge, but I'm not some loser who has never worked), but like many people my age I still live at home. My mother constantly tells me nobody cares about me, nobody wants to listen to me, nobody values me and things like that, this is her "argument tactic," not that I like arguing, but she is...she has mental health issues that predate my conception, and they have never been managed very well. If I look up publications about this behaviour, I tend to find stuff that says it is abusive, and that the proper way to look at it is to go "someone who talks to you that way is abusive, get away," not try to go "well, maybe she is right, let's think of proof of how some people really like me," this is what I do, I end up racking my brain and offering examples, 'cause I am pretty good at memory work, so I can go, like "no, I remember two weeks ago my friend said that they valued me as a member of our friend group," and if I say that, I am told 'they're just humoring you, they really think you're awful' or 'if they lived with you, they'd think you're awful.' I mean, I have also lived with other people, in dorms on campus, it wasn't a big deal, we got along just fine. Everything I read says this is abusive behaviour full stop and that I am taking the wrong tack to try to refute the abusive things I am being told, agree/disagree? Like, someone who says something like "nobody cares about you" is obviously not being kind or rational, and trying to respond in a kind rational way is just not going to solve that person's issue.


Cutie at The Interrupters

We were up the front, you had your black hat on backwards. I had a short black dress with stripes...

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