As I close my eyes and dream, I am not sitting on a chair typing this. My legs are dangling off the side of a cloud. The ground that I think I feel below my feet is not really there, just the distance between the cloud and the earth. I sit watching peacefully as the world turns. I can't tell which I like more. The bright pockets of lights that are where city hubs are or the greenery of the mountains that are untouched. Life is beautiful. Normalcy is beautiful. Everything I lost over the last few years has returned. Maybe not all for me, but for the community. My heart will be warm this Christmas season and the next few months of the halloweens, the kids birthday, the decorating season will be like starting from scratch. I could not and would not anything else.
a human. I hate this seething cess pool of debauchery, chaos, unkindness, filth and pollution. I hate how cruel people are to each other. I don’t want to be part of this anymore. What is the point of having material things when money can’t change the fact that everyone is so mean and petty and in the end it’s all meaningless?
If you’ve never been responsible for another human being’s safety and care I think it affects how you interact in the world. The people I know who never had kids or had to take care of another person seem really different than the ones who did. Something about having to put your own wants and needs aside because you’re responsible for someone else definitely changes a person. The people I know who are my age (around 70) who have lived their whole lives only being responsible for themselves just can’t relate to what it’s like to have so many other obligations. They get frustrated and upset because they don’t understand why family stuff interferes with plans for things I might want to do. It’s tedious trying to explain why family illness or crises have to take precedence over a social event or something like that. They’re so used to only having to consider themselves that they just can’t understand what it’s like not to have that option. Like they never had to be responsible to pay for raising a child and take care of them no matter what you might have wanted to do instead. I’m not saying that everyone who didn’t have kids is awful or anything just that we’re not on the same wavelength a lot.
By far the best decision of 2022.
My brother deleted his Facebook & Instagram because he said they were too distracting....yet now he spends everyday looking in the Georgia Straight Confessions & I Saw You's.....how Ironic.
There’s a coffee shop somewhere in downtown Vancouver that’s named after my ex-girlfriend. I almost went in there to grab a coffee and snack but I didn’t. Her name alone just triggers horrible memories.
I recently realized that this person I tried (and failed) to have a normal relationship with is very likely on the spectrum. Once I started thinking about their inability to relate to a lot of what’s considered normal human emotions the puzzle pieces started to come together. They’ve never had a long term relationship with anyone except their family, so it makes sense if I think of it that way. Otherwise they just seem so cold and insensitive, so thinking of them as being undiagnosed but on the spectrum makes it easier to have some empathy for them even though they don’t have any for anyone else.
Some things are only learned from experience, and some people never learn them at all. If you’re trying to make friends when you’re older, those first few weeks are important. People will be assessing each other to see if they’re a good fit. Similar to a romantic relationship but without all the drama involved with that. So how you treat someone in those first weeks makes all the difference as to whether or not the friendship will continue. You’ll find that it gets harder and harder to make new friends when you get older, so don’t squander the opportunities that come your way, because they won’t keep coming and you’ll find yourself old and lonely. Value the people who are willing to value you.
I haven't seen that face in years. And suddenly there it is. I wasn't prepared for it. Surprise, affection, loathing, confusion, betrayal, frustration. In a few seconds, it's gone. I have to remind myself that anything filmed in Vancouver risks having to see that person, even if briefly. It's strange to face a ghost from the past even when the person they were inspired by continues to walk among us. A modern haunting story.
It took a long time but it was well worth it.