meet new people and they are trying but my defence mechanism that has helped me in the past are now not letting new people in.
What does that mean ?
How do I get past this ?
Nobody can notice it when I cry
No one would notice, I guess I've done what they call "masking". You know, something awful happens to your friend, and you feel it too, so you're just as distressed and express sympathy the same way. I've felt sorry for my friends, but as a child I learned not having an emotional reaction is inappropriate, so I've learned to physically show that I sympathize. I've learned to get excited when they are excited, and so on, so forth. I'm a bit deadpan but my sense of humour lies in dark themes and witty takes moreso than awkward or minstrel-like, and I think that's helped me appear as a normal person.
I have epilepsy. I had a lot of anxiety growing up, and as I get older I experience panic attacks more often (but still rare). I was gifted. My father always suspected that I was little bit autistic. I was "rude" forever, even though I always meant the best, and I learned early on how language adopts connotations over literal meanings, and while I stumbled enough in high school, I mostly had that "dense" and "insensitive" talk obliterated by the time I was out. I was blunt and spoke "robotically" until it was pointed out so often that I was "too mellow" in high school, I learned I need to talk differently. So sometimes I can sound chipper! And I think that is instinctively me now, but it took conscious effort to get there. So I mostly sound like Aubrey Plaza, who does not sound wholly like a robot.
I'm having a hard time with dating, but since I've admitted this to myself, I've found some solace. My autism has been mild enough that it never curbed me. I've been watching Love on the Spectrum and that show has been so wholesome. Maybe I'll meet someone who understands someday.
I don't get why people still insist on wearing their masks improperly at this point. I feel like plastic surgery might help.
Today is my last day in retail. After many years off and on, this is it. Next week I move to the island for a job more in line with my interests and education. I’m so freaking excited to never serve shorty customers again. Some of you out there need to take a hard look at yourselves and how you treat people. All the eye rolling, passive aggressive “sigh” and what not. We don’t care. You are not special or important because you buy things. lol
I'm sure this will be an unpopular one... I work my ass off 40-50 hrs a week like most people, I have a chip on my shoulder for the wealthy and privileged, and I'm on the side of people trying to make a livable wage. I really am, we shouldn't have so much poverty in a first world country, it's shameful.
But if dishwashers and baristas are gonna make upwards of 50K a year, do you realize that absolutely NOBODY is going to want to be hospital manager, industrial electrician or engineer etc for an extra few bucks an hour? I can tell you I sure as hell wouldn't. Wouldn't the world kind of stop turning?
My new hobby is googling all the Seinfeld episode hotties...and then being horrified at what I find and feeling depressed.
I wear my sunglasses when it’s cold rainy weather. They’re polarized and keep the wind out of my eyes.
Taking a break from the cover letter writing, resume customizing, company researching and interview preparing. I’m drained. I’m the kind of person who can imagine myself working at each company. Mentally I can visualize myself there. And then I get the bots notifying me I didn’t make the cut. Dead ends after hours of energy output. For anyone looking for a job like me, I feel your pain and hope that we find a fit soon, at the salary we deserve. For those that had their jobs handed to them, because of their dad, friend or husband, I have no respect for you as you’ve ridden off the position of others without doing any of the heavy lifting.
I wish this expression in the media would disappear. Why is a person "breaking down" when they express emotion publicly. It's so culturally biased and old school. Apparently a British stiff upper lip is still valued.