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Barf

I'm sorry but they are all so cheesy. Those manufactured wedding photos, where you and your partner are gazing lovingly at each other with the most perfect smiles and makeup and lighting at sunset oh come on! Maybe I am just a grumpy cynic, but it just seems so fake to me! I mean what is that one, take number 15?

Recovery

I don't know if I could have recovered from addiction a year ago if these were the circumstances coming out of the hospital. In person appointments and meetings, basic walks to buy and make food when roommates were at work, were 95% of the recovery the first 2 or so months. Even now, I'm wary of myself, under good conditions. I'm not sure it would be possible under lockdown conditions.

yuck

I took someone out to dinner once and she was supposed to be a friend but after she ate she went into the bathroom and threw up, having ordered and eaten enough for two people. She does not know that I walked into the bathroom just as she was quietly (experienced barfer) throwing up but she was embarrassed as she came out of the stall, I had merely gone in to void my bladder and was astonished that she never explained the barfing. I realized at the end of the visit that she was likely bolemic because people in their right mind do not go out to dinner, eat a huge meal, and then go to throw up.

I’m sorry but...

I feel like I’m watching a person completely losing their mind. It’s so sad to see, but now, especially now, I really can’t do anything about it. I am in a high risk category and so are they. They have been coping (very badly) with many very stressful situations for some time, many of which are a direct result of their own behaviour. It’s been very difficult to continue being their friend, because they are so totally self-absorbed that it’s exhausting being around them. Since this quarantine situation has been happening, I’ve not seen them, but they’ve been active on social media. Posting increasingly bizarre rants about how other people are handling this pandemic. It is really sad. I would like to call them but I know from past experience how they react when anyone says anything they disagree with. They just rant even more, so convinced are they that they’re the only one that’s right. I’m doing my best to remain positive in the face of my own multiple challenges over the past few years, and I really don’t feel able to deal with theirs. But watching them completely implode in such a public way is like watching a car speeding towards a cliff. You know how it’s going to end and there’s nothing you can do about it.

How do you practice quarantine with roommates?

If I am a sublet, chances are I will get evicted if my roommate comes back from a trip finally. What the hell do I do? Come on Dr. Bonnie. Tell us what to do here.

Ew

I haven't been closer than 6 ft away from anyone in a couple weeks now, and I'm still somehow fed up with humans. Maybe I'll be able to have more hope for our species tomorrow?

Am I even awake anymore?

I was so busy last night - circumnavigated the globe helping others and racing against some clock. Took a flight out of Amsterdam to Boston then Rio and touched down in Antarctica before crossing up the other side of the globe like some ancient cosmic lay line. Full of energy like a returned warrior when I awoke, then collapsed on the couch all afternoon from my efforts. What’s going on on planet earth?

Miss you but...

I am glad you died a few months ago and missed all this. This horrible virus would have probably killed you but it all would have been so much worse. Doesn't mean I don't miss you lots. I talk to you in my head sometimes anyways. I will listen to Dylan and read Salinger to get some comfort.

Covid dreams

Lately my dreams have taken on a nightmarish quality tinged with the sadness that this virus has brought to everyone's life, as we live in fear of contracting an illness that no one knows much about just yet. What is today's nightmare might actually lead to something more positive because it really brings out the best in many people and they will develop new ways of coping as a result. Maybe if we are all really lucky many of those people who drive often and needlessly will suddenly realize their error, and many people who hoarded goods while keeping resources from the rest of us will think twice . It does not require religion but just a wake up call for everyone biologically speaking to understand what is at stake and maybe it is in part the wake up call we were all waiting for in order to make permanent changes in our lifestyles and habits. Let's hope for the future sounds really inadequate, it is more like we have to realize that unless we change we are all in one way or another doomed to fail as a species -- am I the only one who believes that this changes everything?

Dating women online now

Real life is over. Got to date women online. Now I just need someone to message me back... or wait. That will never happen, so we're all doomed to be single forever. I can't wait to live in a real city again... There's something creepy about Vancouver dating.

I SAW YOU

Hey, my eyes are down

I’ve seen you, and I feel you’ve seen me.. ...

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