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Climbing a mountain

I would not want my worst enemy looking for a job like me. I spent about 15 hours reading the prospective company's website, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram feed for info getting ready for the interview. I prepare all my Top 20 achievement list, I get a haircut, for the Zoom interview. And I feel like I overprepare 400%, and they never ask the questions you plan for. Zoom interviews are terrible and I do much better in-person. On Zoom, there is a sound delay, and it throws off the course of a natural conversation. During the interview, I'm going through 5 layers: talking to a screen, working around the sound delay, reacting to when the person looks away, trying to perform to show I'm the best person for the job, trying to build some rapport through Zoom. How the hell can I get this medium to work for me in job interviews? Every failed interview, I feel like my confidence is shrinking... and then my anger grows at this whole job search thing. If you have a job, even one you don't like very much, I have to say I envy you. You don't have to be doing what I'm doing on repeat.

Work sucks

Pretty obvious that the labour movement is rising. I just got a new office job. There isn’t much to do. Today I spent a whole hour “inspecting paperwork”.

Igloo

I want to head off to the middle of nowhere this winter, build an igloo, and camp out of it for a few weeks. I don't feel like doing much else but exist in the wilderness for a time.

Festive, but not for Christmas

The season is upon us, there is more bah humbug in the air than usual. lights going up mid November are out numbered by pumpkins still out and about. My work turns off the Christmas music till we open. It makes a difference. I have never been to a staff party, never wanted to. I am going to a social at the beginning of December. Maybe it is a bizarro work this year, maybe it's that they said every one get vaccinated(and the over 90% of us have) and we'd get to ditch the masks. But I am excited for the season in a way that is not related to Christmas, not related to spending, or family, but generally boisterous for crowds, anger, stress, love, hugs, lights, trees, floods, snow.... bring it on!

Mental Illness is no joke

I’ve been medicated for a few years, yet recently the medication doesn’t seem to be working. Anxiety and depression at the very root of my being. I can barely function at work. I need to get a handle on this. Mental illness is an illness and I’m not feeling well at all.

I wish

I wasn't such a loser

Nicotine Blues

I hate smoking but I’m addicted to it. I’ve quit multiple times but it hasn’t stuck yet. Is vaping any better? I guess it hasn’t been around long enough to truly know the harm involved. Honestly, vaping makes me feel worse than smoking.

Bacon and Eggs

Who thought of this as good breakfast food? There are no other two things I’d rather eat less than bacon and eggs.

For the best

Whether it is the pandemic, growing up, or moving on, I've lost that loving feeling for anything from my past. Not maliciously, but I've run into a few people. Their dreams have started to tumble and I've taken step back and wondered whether I would've wanted to be apart of who they've become. Probably not. As a late bloomer I have put my best years in the last 10. A slow burn though. Many who I loved than resented ran with the endorphins of change. They burned bright, but burnt out fast. Maybe because I never had anything for the first 30 years, that I've appreciated everything since. I don't feel as though I lost anything. I changed careers, lived that life. Went back to school. Lived that life. Have new careers and goals. I appreciate everyone in my life. I don't bounce from one relationship to the next anymore. Looking at my loves, I guess when I was bouncing I kept smacking into other people who were bouncing. Being promiscuous in your 40's with kids isn't what I want. I am glad I left that life far behind.

I've seen

I've seen so many costco hauls on YouTube I feel I'm missing something big time.

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