at the office. I tried taking some edibles after lunch. Most of the staff left early so I’m pretty much alone. It’s been a fun afternoon lol.
Living In a small town is great, you never know who you’ll bump into. Old friend from high school, guy I had a crush on in grade 3, or that fun moment when your ex is right behind you in a line up and you don’t notice at all till you leave. Life is so full of surprises I can’t wait to get up and out there to see what happens next.
Nothing special, no heated marble tile floors, no fancy steam shower, double sinks or automated toilet. Just forty square feet of simplicity and solitude. Small south facing window which allows me some fresh air or to enjoy the natural light. Central heat and air conditioning. Large vanity mirror and dimmable lighting. Far enough away from the main living spaces so most of the time all I hear is the occasional car or dog barking. What could be better?
I would not want my worst enemy looking for a job like me. I spent about 15 hours reading the prospective company's website, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram feed for info getting ready for the interview. I prepare all my Top 20 achievement list, I get a haircut, for the Zoom interview. And I feel like I overprepare 400%, and they never ask the questions you plan for. Zoom interviews are terrible and I do much better in-person. On Zoom, there is a sound delay, and it throws off the course of a natural conversation. During the interview, I'm going through 5 layers: talking to a screen, working around the sound delay, reacting to when the person looks away, trying to perform to show I'm the best person for the job, trying to build some rapport through Zoom. How the hell can I get this medium to work for me in job interviews? Every failed interview, I feel like my confidence is shrinking... and then my anger grows at this whole job search thing. If you have a job, even one you don't like very much, I have to say I envy you. You don't have to be doing what I'm doing on repeat.
Pretty obvious that the labour movement is rising. I just got a new office job. There isn’t much to do. Today I spent a whole hour “inspecting paperwork”.
I want to head off to the middle of nowhere this winter, build an igloo, and camp out of it for a few weeks. I don't feel like doing much else but exist in the wilderness for a time.
The season is upon us, there is more bah humbug in the air than usual. lights going up mid November are out numbered by pumpkins still out and about. My work turns off the Christmas music till we open. It makes a difference. I have never been to a staff party, never wanted to. I am going to a social at the beginning of December. Maybe it is a bizarro work this year, maybe it's that they said every one get vaccinated(and the over 90% of us have) and we'd get to ditch the masks. But I am excited for the season in a way that is not related to Christmas, not related to spending, or family, but generally boisterous for crowds, anger, stress, love, hugs, lights, trees, floods, snow.... bring it on!
I’ve been medicated for a few years, yet recently the medication doesn’t seem to be working.
Anxiety and depression at the very root of my being. I can barely function at work. I need to get a handle on this. Mental illness is an illness and I’m not feeling well at all.
I wasn't such a loser
I hate smoking but I’m addicted to it. I’ve quit multiple times but it hasn’t stuck yet. Is vaping any better? I guess it hasn’t been around long enough to truly know the harm involved. Honestly, vaping makes me feel worse than smoking.