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My heart’s desire

Socrates said that life contains but two tragedies: one is not to get your heart’s desire, the other is to get it. I’m living this right now, and it’s tearing me apart. I literally feel torn. I can’t sleep, I can barely function, all because I’m so torn about this decision I feel I have to make. Falling in and out of love over and over again with the same person. This has gone on for so long. I feel like I’m in the fallen out of love phase right now. I’m just not feeling the same way anymore. I’m not even sure that I love them at all, other than just basic affection and caring for someone I’ve known for so long. Everything changed about a week ago, after a conversation we had that left me feeling hopeless for anything to ever change in our relationship in a way that I need it to. Since then I have just wanted them to leave. The thing is though, that I know in a while I’ll be missing them again when they’re gone. The definition of insanity and all that; we’ve done this so many times. I thought we’d finally figured out the trick to making it work, but now I’m feeling disappointed and sad. It’s such a brutal decision to face, right at Christmas, knowing that I’m going to hurt them and myself as well. I’m facing the likelihood of being alone for the rest of my life (we’re not young) and that in itself is daunting. I keep hoping that the feeling will come back, but at the same time I feel that I’d just be deluding myself if I keep doing this. Oh well, back to the pondering....thanks for listening.

Theory About Lattes

Okay, so I had an idea recently. Coffee is one of The drinks for adults drink, but where did this idea of steamed milk come from? Is it reminiscent of breastfeeding? A combination of trying to adult and be soothed like an infant. I heart lattes.

I hate musicals

I don't know why, but I do. I think Frozen would've been a perfectly good cartoon if there wasn't all that singing in it. Blech.

I Wake Up Every Morning

To the 80's. The sounds are full of waking movement, that I feel carried out of bed. To me nothing compares to starting the day with music.

I have to confess

I have been at the very least on a bad drug induced trip and it led me on very strange path. The fact is I've said and done things both I meant from the heart and others I said in confused and frustrated anger. Fact is I never really knew all the details was guessing at best. It doesn't matter we all have made some bad choices. Regardless I forgive any things that may have been directed my way. I just hope that any of you who know me can forgive the same way. It's time to stop the spin cycle it's killing all that matters.

I'm kind of a Netflix fanatic

I like how it doesn't follow CBC PC broadcasting rules. They just make good film. Not everything has to be university campus bubblewrapped.

To the woman on a red car crossing at Fir & Broadway

Hey, I was walking my dog, we saw that the light was about to turn red and thus we waited for the pedestrian lights to turn on, however a woman on a red car decided not to even turn to check the crossing and straight up passed and blocked the crosswalk. She ended up blocking it as she couldn't move as the ppl on W 12th had green light. I passed behind your car and tapped your car (as I always do to people who do not respect the transit rules, which state that pedestrians have right of way even over cyclists etc, and most importantly, when marked), and pointed you to the pedestrian lights. You proceeded to show me the middle finger. I'm gonna tell you something, you better be more aware of what you do when driving your red mid tier hatchback. It is also my responsibility to be aware of what stupid drivers do, but do not think you are in the right. People die every day due to stupid drivers, and you had the chance to accept your mistake and say sorry or something, instead you showed your lack of education by showing your finger. Please don't come back to my neighborhood.

Lesbian/Gay sex?

I know a lesbian couple and a gay couple. One of the gay men had never had heterosexual sex so one of the lesbians agreed to help him learn what it was like. I'm not kidding, his partner told me about this. Why am I posting this as a confession? The notion awakened the voyeur in me I guess. I would have liked to see that encounter. Was she receptive or did they need lube? How did he get aroused if women never interested him? Did she help? Did it last long?

Choices

A long long time ago, I taught English in Asia. The group I hung out with were all in our 20s and all intent on gratifying ourselves with excess booze, going through multiple sleeping partners, traveling, late nights, etc. There was one guy named Wayne, an American from a disenfranchised group, and his main goal was to work for a few years there to save up enough money to buy a house. His goal sounded absolutely alien to us at the time, in our hedonistic immaturity. I’ve never forgotten him and his clear-sighted plans for his life, while I’ve seen friends, colleagues, acquaintances all struggle to get an affordable permanent roof over their heads. One of the party ppl returned to my city and I saw her back here earning minimum wage. In hindsight Wayne was the smart one shunning all the boozing and partying! I wonder how his life turned out when he made such gains so early.

Somehow it hurts less when.....

I have a small dick. Smaller than average. I know it isn't my fault. Sometimes a woman will say, "It's so big". That makes me feel bad because I know it isn't true. Sometimes a woman will say nothing and that makes me feel bad because I think they must be disappointed but don't want to hurt my feelings. And sometimes, a woman will say, "It's so small." and express disappointment. Somehow, that is the easiest to take. It is true.

I SAW YOU

Waiting for the Bathroom at Uncle Abe's

We talked while we were waiting in line for the washroom. You let me go ahead of you. You were...

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