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Confessing

... that going thru this winter makes me anxious. I’m not, and have not ever been, a stay at home type of person. But I’m very risk adverse and all those things I used to do (gym, movies, clubs, bars, restaurants) are off limits. So what am I going to do with myself? I can only go jogging for so long. What am I going to do when it’s dark at 4pm, raining and there’s nothing going on and I avoid all my friends again for the next 6 months? I guess get a headlamp and just walk around the city? How is everyone else planning on getting through winter?

More than two years ago

I gave up the drink and I gave up a man. I see the hurt I caused him now that I've healed the hurt he caused me. I was so confused and now it all makes sense. I wish we could reverse the tape and I could help him understand too so he doesn't make the same mistakes next time ripping up his and other people's hearts but I can't. It would open our addictive connection and wreak havoc. I guess I'll just have to leave this here and hope he gets the message.

Work Buddy

We've never spoken but I know I'm not so alone working on my computer all day because I can see the neighbour across the alley doing the same.

Over and under

I am so over the stereotypical perfectly shaped woman. I want someone who loves their life, is kind, makes me a better person—- and frankly I used to only go for skinny / tight abs/ long legs.... you know the type.... the ones who work every day to look a certain way. Nothing wrong with taking care of your health and body but the girls who don’t eat and spend 2 hours a day working out and obsess about their weight ? Soooo over it. I want someone who loves themselves. Like enough to have thickness of god intended thickness. There will be people saying “ but obesity is bad”! Give your head a shake and redefine body types and how we stigmatize. Someone who loves themselves will be a better healthier person. Mental health matter too, guys! Grab a girl who is proud of who they are!

falling in love

I started dating someone new, a month ago, and I feel like I am falling in love. I have never dated anyone who is so emotionally available and present the way he is with me. I love it, and it scares me. It is intense, and freeing. I am so happy and yet so terrified. But I won't do the push and pull dance I always do, I will reflect the same energy, and give him as much love and affection back.... and pray that it goes well.

My ass

usta feel like a marble bowling ball. Now it feels like Chef Boyardee pizza dough. What the Hell happened?!

Stigma and Ignorance

We are all complex. For example, some of us experience mental health issues differently. When Person A experiences the same mental health issue as Person B, they cry a lot. Person B shuts down. Neither are wrong. Both are human, both deserve life and love. Try listening and talking first. Please try a lot of things before painting with the same brush and/or throwing away. Ask yourself: When I am upset, what do I do? And then consider that what you do when you're upset maybe isn't all that different compared to Person A or B. Do you drink? Do you pace the room? Do you cry? Do you clean obsessively? Etc etc. Open your mind. Breathe. Have some compassion, practice empathy. Take a moment, and love.

I just swipe right on all of them

Every 12 hours, I can swipe right, but the matches never happen so I just swipe everyone. Life as a man online dating. Not sure why we can't have a government service dating app that isn't monitized. Our birth rate would probably be higher.

Back to school has me:

Simultaneously worrying that I'm taking too many COVID precautions and not enough.

I'm gonna die alone

I have standards. I'm not attracted to over weight women. I have tried it, thinking maybe I can find an attraction to a good person who is overweight, and her looks wont matter. It just ends up being me in my 30's playing house with a women like I did in kindergarten, pretend to be in a relationship with a girl. So I must look like a judgemental ass hole. That's fine. Believe what you believe, judge me as you will. My problem starts when I do get attention from the kind of woman I'm interested in. As soon as they message me and say hi or ask me questions or whatever, I start to think "she's out of my league" or " I dont deserve her". So I think I'm better than the women who are in to me (for lack of better words), but I think I'm not good enough for the women I am interested in. My biggest fear in life is dying alone, but that seems exactly what I am headed for, and there doesnt seem to be anything I can do about it.

I SAW YOU

Exchanged glances at Joe’s Cafe

I was sitting at the window at Joe’s Cafe with my girlfriend on Wednesday September 23rd around...

EPITAPHS

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