Search confessions

endeared by a cute customer

who i doubt i'll make a move on if an appropriate time ever arises but he's been so sweet and i just appreciate that gentle almost flirtation but not quite interaction, on the daily. the mutual lingering, the quaint cheeriness, and the finding excuses to prolong small talk. i'm not ready to get back into dating quite yet, i'm weary for it after having dated someone who never sought romance, but these pleasant interactions have reminded me that there are lovely intriguing folks out there who might want me too. sometimes that's all you need, those gentle minute flirtations.

Schrödinger's Tinder

I read a missed connection that said "I can't contact you directly; find me on Tinder!" or something to that effect. Only I would never respect a missed connection enough for them to be a missed connection if they were on Tinder.


Now that passports will be required for all events, I’ll be saving all my cash and chilling at the beach or riding bikes or maybe hiking mountains. I’m happy I saw the places I wanted to before this new world.

social media

I just make posts to seek validation for my selfish behavior

Here I Go Again

I'm an aging man with a personality disorder. I like to imagine I'm special, I know now that couldn't be further from reality. I blame it on my mom, we had what therapists called, a dysfunctional family dynamic. Years later, I have all these patterns of blaming people for the things I'm doing. I got away with this very easily in the past, lately, it doesn't work the way it used to. I get called on this quite a lot which sends me down into a spiral. I end up in a drunken stupor embarrassing myself. I wish I had some way to stop it from happening, it is what the condition is. I really have nothing to complain about in comparison to people that are worse off. I'm just so bored with nothing to offer, who am I kidding, I'm jealous as hell, I have to put the people around me in a slump. It makes life a little brighter for me.

Finally, I get it

Often times when visiting my mother in her care home I would find her in her small room staring blankly at the wall. She would never tell me what she was thinking but now that I’m in a similar situation I know she was thinking about all she once had but had now lost. Finally, I get it.

It’s my life

My older sister finds it very strange how I feel comfortable telling some people that I have autism spectrum disorder. What does she care? I feel like she doesn’t even know me after all these years. Whatever I do is none of her fucking business but my own. Believe it or not, I’m very selective about who I share this with. I’ve only told a few close friends and coworkers that I trust because these are the good genuine people in my life.

Sinking while trying to stay afloat

I feel my lips curl into a smile, I say “im doing okay, I’ve been busy.” No one wants to know your truth. They don’t want to sit there and listen to your sadness. They have there own Shit to deal with or they simply can’t help or understand. Sometimes I feel like my mind is drowning and im in a ocean full on thoughts. Sometimes my mind swims among the happy thoughts and it just floats, then there’s a wave. It crashes and pushes my brain around. It gets spun out to a bunch of thoughts that are harmful. It makes me feel drained and I feel like im sinking. Im not sure how to stay afloat. I try the lifeboat of pumping air throughout my brain, I drink the non salted water, but I can’t seem to get a grip. I keep on trying to fix the lifeboat, or try to purify the water, but it doesn’t seem to fix the taste.

I won’t be a cliché

Am self aware enough to notice I again have attraction to a former employee (started when they were hired) and have also crushed on colleagues in the past (not a great pattern!). I might keep in touch with this person but probably should do best to avoid them as it’s highly unlikely to be reciprocal and because of the way we met. I’m not experienced or confident in my private life haven’t ever dated and don’t interact with many people aside from meeting through work. But it’s simply not appropriate or very smart to ever entertain these crushes. It feels ludicrous and embarrassing hence the confession. I will wait it out and it will pass. I have enough hobbies and interests. Hope one day I gain confidence to try striking up something with a stranger or viable acquaintance. I am very grateful for my life but I do notice when I have a crush that it’s a bit lonely. Thanks to other posters I know I’m not a special snowflake and I focus on my own happiness / dating myself etc. Goal is crushes that I could actually pursue !

Hare Krishna

Sometimes I wish I was George Harrison. He had all answers, so full of wisdom. I was in high school when I found out he died. There goes the sun.


Nice new bike

You were riding your bike, I assume to visit a friend of yours in my apartment building. I saw...

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