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A younger man

is after me! 7 years younger to be exact!! We dated once 8 years ago for a few months but then I moved away. We’ve been friends and kept in touch sporadically, and now suddenly he is totally into me!! I like him and I like the idea of living with him, but I feel a bit weird about being the older one as a woman. It’s just been my experience always that men tend to prefer younger females, and also I’m significantly more well off than he is so how can I possibly trust him fully? We do get along great though and always have, and I look young. I wish it didn’t matter to me but it does!! On the one hand, it would be nice to be with a younger guy, since older men tend to be more controlling and want a more traditional woman and I’m not into that. But on the other, if I start to really age, what’s to stop him from just going for someone young?!

Privacy pickle

I don't have many people that I can call as friends. The ones I do mean a lot to me. I haven't done a good job of living life. To many jobs, too many locations, not enough dollars. I'm lost the will to find work and now add a new place to live. My money is drying up. Believe me, if I had supports or resources I wouldn't care but I don't. I can't call my friends. I don't want to burden them, certainly not with these problems. It would put them through stress and I love them too much to put my problems on them. They can't help and they have their own lives with more responsibilities. I'm old and burnt out from trying because nobody wants an old person around. I am planning steps to give up for good if I can't fix this. I have noone to talk to. I'm publicly together and privately alone. It hurts and I wish there was some way, some miracle. But let's be real, I'm out of time. There's no such thing as miracles.

Yee

Last night I decided to drink for the first time in a month. It was OK. Dropped my tooth brush in the toilet after I pee'd. Slept pretty good. Dehydrated this morning. I need a kickstart.

Sad

Three brown and orange mothies came flapping into my apartment. I was able to contain and coax two of them back outside to fly away. The third one didn't make - it got stuck inside a takeout container of sweet sauce and I wasn't fast enough to get to it before it got all sticky. I managed to get it unstuck with a wet cotton swab, but one wing was ruined and it's legs and antenna were all gummed up. I knew I should have rinsed out that container and recycled it a while ago...fail.

Education

Somehow I attract smart women. I, myself, have no more education after grade 12. Even then I wasn't a scholar. I need to educate myself somehow. Read more maybe.

Don’t talk to me

I was about to get on the escalator at Metrotown station when some dude holding a bible tried to block me. This guy waves his bible in my face and says “How’s it going?” I tell him not to talk to me, then he says “ok, I won’t.” I am not interested in anyone that tries to push and shove their personal beliefs down my throat. Whether you believe in God, mother nature or the devil is nobody’s business but your own. Keep that to yourself.

I no longer have social media....

No more Facebook or Instagram...no Twitter nor no Til Tok either..... however I'm just wondering....is Pornhub considered social media?.... I "like" a lot of stuff on it.

Where are all the lonely people?

I wish our society had a better way of flagging or identifying lonely and single people in our society. Maybe a special shirt or hat that says “I’m single, feel free to come up and talk to me if you’re interested.” You never know how many single people are out there. I was out and about, hanging out by myself last weekend, and I would have given anything to have someone to grab dinner with. I’m sure I wasn’t alone. Just a way to take the stigma and tabooness out of it all!

Cornered

After 15 months of no friends, no culture, no nights out, the thing that completely gives me a physical anxiety reaction and dread, is the upcoming wildfire smoke blanketing the lower mainland. I walk, run and bike for self-soothing. Forcing me indoors …. In a tiny condo….. and unable to open a window due to poor air quality….. I’m stressed. I don’t want to enter any gym right now. Would skipping inside an air conditioned library be bad form? I hope that this will not be 10-14 days of smoky occlusive skies. All I ever want is to be outside, living. To not be able to do it safely, is a physical crushing pain.

I confess

I am starving for affection

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